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I would like to understand how carers of those who suffer from MPD cope with the strain of living with someone who has multiple personalities. While I cannot estimate how tough it would be to live with such a disorder it must be very difficult for those loved ones around them and do those who suffer from MPD always know who their loved ones are in whatever alter they are in?

All I can really tell you is as a person with DID. My husband, bless his soul, tries. He really does. But he has trouble with it because (I just found this out) when I switch, he is not always sure that I will ever return. I think this is a major issue.

He doesn't want to know the names of the alters of mine, nor does he really want anything but to go back to the way it used to be...before the DID became evident. I was se*ually harassed, and was forced into a situation in which I felt I had no way out. I have always been able to figure SOMETHING out...but not this time. The result: a little girl voice (or 3-4) showed up and took over as the dominant. It was really freaky, and I actually thought I was losing my mind.

I am now trying to live with it. I have MS, and some of the other alters do not fight ALL of the symptoms. So I choose not to integrate. My husband is not really happy about this...though he says the respite from the MS is good. He can't accept that I want to keep my "system".

When we argue, it just seems that the argument inevitably goes to "I don't even know who you are". I don't know which alter is out or who said what, who remembered what. The fact is, the MS is so bad I would kill myself if I didn't get this respite. It seemed to have come in the nick of time, but significant others have a really tough time with it.

RT

You had also asked about if the alters know everyone. The truth is, the older alters tend to....though they don't necessarily think of my husband as THEIR husband.

The alters that I am more connected with and have some
co-consciousness with know all of my family. The teen alters tend to know everyone...but look on my husband as a control figure and that is not necessarily a good thing. They tend to be belligerent with him.

The little ones...the ones I can be co- with, know the family. They all love my kids. The very little ones have a sort of "gatekeeper" that lets then know it is safe to come out and what to do to get back non-dominant. This gatekeeper is really their caretaker. Since I am not co- with the very little ones....I find out stuff about them from the caretaker/gatekeeper. I don't think they know the family, except they have been prepped before coming out dominant.

As long as the home remains safe, there is no problem. My husband yelled at a few of the little ones and they are terrified of him now. The ones not yelled out are just very subservient and quiet. It takes awhile for them to even interact with the family...and they won't talk unless they are spoken to...like when they were with the abusive mother and father.

RT

It's as though you were me and mine. My husband know some names but only interacts so he says when he has to. He tells me they are not the one's he married. My older ones are not all that fond of him and this makes life very hard for him. He is retired now so sees much more than he used to. My children used to love to play with "Mom". They didn't realize tha I was "differnt" until they were older and mostly figured it out for themselves. I did sit down with them and tell them that I was ok and would continue to be ok but different that most parents. They already knew that. My second son was concerned enough that he asked to see my doctor and I gave him permission to do that. When he came home he just hugged me for the longest time. He was 15 at the time. I told him that it was ok that I have lived this way my whole life and I didn't think that it would change much. But it did. His father died the following October and all you know what broke loose. My boy took care of me and us for months after that. He made sure that we ate and drank. I ended up in hospital a few months into that but my kids were safe with my Mom. That was 13 years ago and now I'm married again and life is very hard. My children had always seemed to be my saftey net but they are grown and have families of their own now. I have two wonderful grandsons who are my best friend and love to play with Grama. So it strats all over again.

ok 1 main thing dont call it a disorder i have it and as far as im concerned its a normal part of life now not a disorder so just dont use the word disorder cause sometimes its handy to have some1 with u who always will be k

josh

hallo

i decided to read the other posts and RT tell your hubby not to ignore your others cause it makes things worse i know i am one of "the others" theyll just get pissed if he ignores them also if he ignores them they might get so pissed tht they block you out josh tht just spoke was took over by a guy we call other now

he was gone for a year he came bk 3 days ago i tell u tho other's a good actor no one even noticed josh was gone

so tell him NOT to ignore k

the best personality in this body so far

Kaizo

I am new to psych forums. I am used to using Yahoo groups message boards. Can someone please tell me the basics of using Psych Forums message boards? Like how to post a message, contact a moderator, and other basics. Thanks.

pretty simple at the bottom of the posts theres new topic n post reply they do as they say obviously to contact a moderator just find out who the moderator is click on there name n then click send private message i doubt ull need to tlk to moderators tho every1s pretty nice here.

Josh

I MUST BE REALLY LUCKY! MY HUSBAND NOTICED MY SWITCHING BEFORE I WAS DX. THE ONLY THING HE 'S WORRIED ABOUT IS IF I REMEMBER MARRYING HIM. HE HAS BEEN VERY UNDER STANDING. I ALWAYS REASURE HIM, THAT EVERY PART OF ME LOVES HIM VERY MUCH. HE'S MY LOVER, BEST FRIEND, AND FATHER FIGURE AT TIMES.

I CAN SURE RELATE TO WHAT YOU POSTED, GUEST. SOME DOCTORS THINK I HAVE MS. I'VE NOTICED A BIG DIFFERENCE ON HOW MY OTHERS TAKE CARE OF MY HEALTH TOO. THE CHANGES OF MS. MIXED WITH THE CHANGES OF DID, CAN SURE ENOUGH MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE LOOSING YOUR MIND . I JUST TRY TO ACCEPT THE WAY I FEEL AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. I CAN'T PLAN ON HOW I'LL FEEL TOMORROW, SO I JUST TRY TO GO WITH THE FLOW, AND DO THE BEST I CAN. IT'S HARD TO DO, AND I'M SURE IT DRIVES PEOPLE AROUND ME CRAZY. MY HUSBAND WILL JOKE WITH ME ABOUT BEING SO FORGETFULL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITH OUT HIM.

Like Benny I have a very understanding husband. There are only 3 of us... well, 4, but one of them has only surfaced once. All my alters have met my husband. My husband is the one who takes care of us. He is dominate to my submissive alter, father figure to my teenage alter, and friend, pal and confidant to me.

There are times when one of my alters wants to know that he loves them more. There are times when we will be in the midst of an argument and I'll switch to escape. He really feels like that's unfair, and he's right... I just don't know what to do about it.

When he doesn't see one of my alters for a long period of time he worries about them. Are they frightened, angry, what's going on that's keeping them from surfacing? Because I'm just now figuring out what has been happening to me all these years I have spent tons of time trying to shut down my alters. I've thought it was all in my head, which it is, but you know what I mean. When I would try to shut down everything would hit the fan... my husband cleaned up the mess.

Being married to someone with DID is not an easy task. It requires a great amount of love and patience. A willingness to think in ways we you aren't programmed to, and for us, a lot of prayer.