Some weird rant

At first I was helpless.
The first time I met the therapist, she wanted me to change.
So I changed.
And then the change was bullied by the physician.
So I changed again.
I suppose I will find a personality that they want to talk to eventually.
Won't solve my problem though.
I am tired of having to live a lie.
Especially since I do not know which lie they want.
Having no real self is not easy.
I need to juggle all the time.
Unfortunately, I have to protect the soft parts somehow.
They do not listen, or understand.
It is just about them, them, and them.
Them and their system.
Moral fanatics, that is what they are.
I feel let down by those supposed helpers.
They are still playing their tough people game.
No point in giving them ammunition.
I guess amnesia is my best bet.
It bothers her, but I don't care.
Play dumb, be dumb, not knowing and not caring.
Get them to play their cards.
I have nothing, see, it is just a bluff.

Thank you Tungsten for posting this. Sometimes I feel the same way you do - it's tiring to have to keep living a lie. I feel that way a lot. "They are still playing their tough people game." Yes. I wonder why they do this. I wonder why people have to be so harsh. Why can't they be softer. Why can't the world be softer.

Thank you Brandic.

Really well put. I felt let down by the 'helpers' too. Amnesia was the best option till escape was a viable, permanent solution.

Borg.