Engaging a friend's others

Hi forum members,

I have a treasured friend who confided to me a couple of years ago that she has DID and she has been sharing more and more of her experiences with me. For the first time, I received an e-mail from one of her others last night in the wee hours of the morning (her time) after this other had engaged in some sexual mis-adventures that my friend would not choose to engage in her life when she is "herself". Not sure how to word it, but I"m sure you know what I mean. I am tempted to write a loving reply to this other, encouraging her to "come back to the fold", so that this other is not so separate and thus doing things that are harming my friend. I am a psychotherapist by training, but I also do not want to do anything "behind my friend's back", even though it is for a positive purpose. I'm sure there will be many opinions, just don't jump all over me, as I am trying my best to be a loving and supportive friend.
Thanks, Lee

Hello Lee,

This e-mail came from the same account that your friend usually e-mails from? If you reply, it is likely your friend (the host) will read it, not the other identity. I think I would print the e-mail you received and take it to a meeting with her. Give it to her to read. Then talk about it. Do you know how to talk through the host to an insider?

Hi Una,

Thanks for your reply; I appreciate it. The e-mail came from an account I've not seen before, and my friend tells me that her others do create e-mail accounts and get in to mischief, to say the least. For example, one of her others sent a threatening e-mail to her therapist at some point. I'm not sure how to talk through the host to an insider. Suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help.
Kind regards, Lee

We see alters posting here on the DID forum on a regular basis. Usually they are using a shared login, so we trust they belong to the system of the person who usually posts. We just accept them as they present themselves.

However, when I get a communication from an unknown login, claiming to be connected with some other login, I do not trust that. It could be a deception. I have had situations where in fact it was a deception.

Una+ wrote:I have had situations where in fact it was a deception.

Really?? How so??

bourbon wrote:

Una+ wrote:I have had situations where in fact it was a deception.

Really?? How so??

Nothing to do with DID. It is an old trick for creating confusion and distress. I am not saying the e-mail Lee received is a trick, only that I would be cautious and not automatically accept at face value a disturbing e-mail from an unknown source.