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Dealing with a a very upset other *trigger?*

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Dealing with a a very upset other *trigger?*

Postby ilikethelights » Sun Dec 18, 2011 6:46 pm

***Triggers: Mentions of destructive behaviour, an EP, some defined roles***

Hello,

I am Isabelle. Bit strange really, to be writing this, but I feel like we might be in some trouble. One of us is... really making things difficult. I have had to take steps to isolate her to write this and make sure that no hasty, lasting harm comes to us. Three of us are collaborating writing this.

Just to give a bit of history, there have always been more than one entity in this body. The body was not in alignment with our female gender at birth, so that was corrected. We are extremely fortunate in this regard. However, the misalignment was probably the instigating factor in there being more than one personality here.

We had to do this to survive, because then exceedingly few took children seriously about their self-identified gender identity Even fewer than now. Ridicule from family and friends made it impractical to do anything about this situation until the body was older, leading to different entities being in control at different times.

None of us remember any severe trauma, which has been a contributing factor to avoiding seeking support. We do not want to insult those who have had much worse situations. There was some borderline verbal abuse when we were children, and what feels to us like emotional manipulation or something from extended family, but we are unable to trust our feelings about these situations.

Dissociation has always been the mechanism to mediate functionality during periods of high stress. We were in therapy six years ago and disclosed that there was a multi-faceted system in place to our therapist. She acknowledged these dissociative patterns and had begun to try and open up dialogue with several of us. Unfortunately, that situation came to an end because of insurance problems. We have not been back to a therapist since.

We have had a period of relative harmony, where we were able to switch pretty smoothly without it being disruptive or all that conscious of it – maybe even fairly blended – but various factors over the past couple of years have lead to a great deal of stress, depression, and social avoidance. However, about a year ago, someone understood my situation without me having to explicitly state it. This really set off being conscious of the switching again, and it has been becoming more pronounced over the past few months. There does not seem to be a core or host now, or a sense of summation, but different entities who assume control in different situations.

I am writing now, because the most volatile of us is behaving in concerning ways. She holds metaphorical guns to our heads to drive perfection, especially in our professional life. Dizzy is intelligent, strong-willed, extremely demanding, hypercritical, very paranoid, disposed towards guilt, and the most prone to extreme behaviours (extreme sports, self-injury, overexertion, etc.), especially when she feels irritated, dissatisfied or betrayed, which are all being felt now.

I don't know what to do. I am afraid she will hurt us all—if not physically, then mentally or socially—especially the littles. I have to take care of them. Maybe we just need to talk with others about managing these situations. I need to calm Dizzy down somehow. I would not ordinarily post things so quickly, but I fear that Dizzy will delete this if I do not.

Thank you for listening.
Isabelle et al.
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Re: Dealing with a a very upset other *trigger?*

Postby Una+ » Mon Dec 19, 2011 2:09 am

Okay. Knee-jerk deletion is a concern, so I will copy the initial post in its entirety. It can be deleted later, if that is the consensus of your system.

ilikethelights wrote:***Triggers: Mentions of destructive behaviour, an EP, some defined roles***

Hello,

I am Isabelle. Bit strange really, to be writing this, but I feel like we might be in some trouble. One of us is... really making things difficult. I have had to take steps to isolate her to write this and make sure that no hasty, lasting harm comes to us. Three of us are collaborating writing this.

Just to give a bit of history, there have always been more than one entity in this body. The body was not in alignment with our female gender at birth, so that was corrected. We are extremely fortunate in this regard. However, the misalignment was probably the instigating factor in there being more than one personality here.

We had to do this to survive, because then exceedingly few took children seriously about their self-identified gender identity Even fewer than now. Ridicule from family and friends made it impractical to do anything about this situation until the body was older, leading to different entities being in control at different times.

None of us remember any severe trauma, which has been a contributing factor to avoiding seeking support. We do not want to insult those who have had much worse situations. There was some borderline verbal abuse when we were children, and what feels to us like emotional manipulation or something from extended family, but we are unable to trust our feelings about these situations.

Dissociation has always been the mechanism to mediate functionality during periods of high stress. We were in therapy six years ago and disclosed that there was a multi-faceted system in place to our therapist. She acknowledged these dissociative patterns and had begun to try and open up dialogue with several of us. Unfortunately, that situation came to an end because of insurance problems. We have not been back to a therapist since.

We have had a period of relative harmony, where we were able to switch pretty smoothly without it being disruptive or all that conscious of it – maybe even fairly blended – but various factors over the past couple of years have lead to a great deal of stress, depression, and social avoidance. However, about a year ago, someone understood my situation without me having to explicitly state it. This really set off being conscious of the switching again, and it has been becoming more pronounced over the past few months. There does not seem to be a core or host now, or a sense of summation, but different entities who assume control in different situations.

I am writing now, because the most volatile of us is behaving in concerning ways. She holds metaphorical guns to our heads to drive perfection, especially in our professional life. Dizzy is intelligent, strong-willed, extremely demanding, hypercritical, very paranoid, disposed towards guilt, and the most prone to extreme behaviours (extreme sports, self-injury, overexertion, etc.), especially when she feels irritated, dissatisfied or betrayed, which are all being felt now.

I don't know what to do. I am afraid she will hurt us all—if not physically, then mentally or socially—especially the littles. I have to take care of them. Maybe we just need to talk with others about managing these situations. I need to calm Dizzy down somehow. I would not ordinarily post things so quickly, but I fear that Dizzy will delete this if I do not.

Thank you for listening.
Isabelle et al.


Is the Christmas season triggering for Dizzy? I don't know that sexual identity issues can cause a major dissociative disorder, but many people who have a major dissociative disorder have sexual identity issues. I do myself.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
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Re: Dealing with a a very upset other *trigger?*

Postby ilikethelights » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:13 am

Una+ wrote:Okay. Knee-jerk deletion is a concern, so I will copy the initial post in its entirety. It can be deleted later, if that is the consensus of your system.

...

Is the Christmas season triggering for Dizzy? I don't know that sexual identity issues can cause a major dissociative disorder, but many people who have a major dissociative disorder have sexual identity issues. I do myself.


I think it is. Lots of guilt was heaped on us by a genetic relation was in relation to things like presents and gift receiving, so it's particularly stressful: tonnes of guilt regarding the receiving of presents, and having to find just the right things for everyone. There was also a lot of pressure around this time of year to look like a picture perfect family, when the immediate family was pretty unhappy.

Another major problem for Dizzy has been a decision by her best friend to do something she feels to be against their thing, and ultimately feeling extremely selfish for feeling that way. Toss in a complicated, unsatisfying romantic situation, and it's been more difficult than normal. I have been trying to be fronting more at times when I don't, to take off the pressure from one of us who is often fronting, but is currently totally checked out because of three months of constant, demanding work.

I and at least one other want to go see a therapist again, but these issues may be beyond the scope of what our financial means allow.

I admit our situation vis-a-vis DID and gender issues is a bit weird, but from early childhood there have been multiple people here. All of us are female now, so getting our sex in line with our gender has been a net positive for sure.

Thank you for your response to my long rambling. Sorry it has taken a couple of days to compose something back.

--Isabelle
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Re: Dealing with a a very upset other *trigger?*

Postby Una+ » Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:26 pm

ilikethelights wrote:I admit our situation vis-a-vis DID and gender issues is a bit weird

It is not weird to readers here. Situations like this are a frequent topic of discussion here and many of us can relate because we have similar issues.

Christmas is a pressure cooker time for many people. Perhaps this year give yourself the precious gift of allowing yourself to not meet someone else's fantasy expectations. If someone starts laying guilt and shame on you, exit the scene. Take care of you.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
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