I think my boss has DID...

I don't say that as a joke. But I kind of wish I were.

I'm going to call her K for the sake of confidentiality (and for the sake of no one I know ever finding this since she has a pretty unique name).

I work at a local grocery store. I started back in February right after graduating high school, as a cashier/bagger on the front end. K was my boss, and was the front end manager/head cashier. Sometimes she could be really nice, other times she'd be a complete b****. More often than not she was a b****, actually. Johann used to work for her a few years before I started working at this store and had tons of problems with her (maybe it was conflicting personalities? Hahaha...) She acted really different around younger employees or customers with young children, which I found odd.

And I wasn't the only one seeing it. There were fellow cashiers calling her Sybil or Jekyll and Hyde or just claiming that we had a bipolar boss.

In June the store asked her to transfer off the front end into the appy department (aka the deli). We don't really know why, possibly complaints about she wasn't very nice often and she didn't take advice from other associates very well. So she is now the appy manager (deli and hot foods). Long story short, a few weeks ago I asked to transfer to the hot foods department of the store while doubling as a cashier (my week is split between the two departments) because they DESPERATELY need help over there.

Unfortunately this meant going under K as my boss again, while the new front end manager is soooo much nicer.

K hovers over me when I work now. Sometimes she compliments me, other times she tells me I'm an idiot or have no common sense. The other day when I was making chicken salad, I swear she was talking to me in a more childish way and enjoying working with me again. I found it odd. Tonight I told her I had spit all of the chickens for cooking tomorrow morning and she gave me an almost child-like happy response before going back over to the deli. I still found that odd.

A few months ago a fellow cashier, who used to be a counselor, told me that K once told him (not as a counselor, while he had been working there, so it wasn't confidential) that her father and brothers has abused her a child (how much, I don't know). Thus why she dislikes working with guys and seems to resent a lot of the women she works with. So I figured my fellow associates and I might not be off-track on the whole split-personality thing. Thing is, she doesn't seem to have amnesia or anything, she's extremely organized, considering she's a department manager...

For now I guess all I can do is keep an eye on her. Depending on what mood she's in, at least I'll know whether to talk to her or to stay faaaaar away from her, haha.

Shawna, likely you are correct. Persons with DID are all around us. You know DID exists, you know intellectually what it looks like, and you are sensitized to it. You are aware of how DID flavors the intersubjective field between persons. My husband is becoming aware: he has begun to notice and respond whenever I am experiencing an intrusion. I am aware: I have noticed two persons with DID or DID-like DDNOS, and one of them has disclosed to me.

We all have DIDdar.

Many experts believe that DID is much more common than received wisdom would suggest. There are at least three people in my extended family (out to cousins) who have had undiagnosed DID and probably five or more who have a dissociative disorder of some kind. For what it's worth, it sure sounds like a dissociative disorder to me.

I will tell you what I personally would do. If I felt that I (as you) in no way could be implicated, I would send her an anonymous letter informing her in the kindest, least intrusive way, that you believe she has a dissociative disorder. An email from an account not linked to you personally would be preferable because she might be able to respond with questions such as "why do you think that" or "do other people think that" or "what do you think I should do?" If she's aware of Johann's condition and your connection to him, it may not be safe for you to do that.

I personally believe that people with a dissociative disorder should know, have the right to know, deserve to know, need to know. Many years of anguish with undiagnosed, untreated DID may simply be avoided. Personally, if I discovered someone had been aware for any period of time that I had DID and hadn't informed me, I would be absolutely furious. I would never speak to that person again. But that's just me and I don't think that everyone, or even my alters, would react like that. I know for certain, however, that I would. My alters would honor my emotions, even if they didn't feel the same way I did.

I speak this based on my own history, where I went for decades having reason for suspicion but never having had it confirmed that I/we were DID. These in retrospect were wasted, crippled, lost, sad, and painful years. I am by far more depressed about that loss than by the DID or by the ugly abuse. It would have been infinitely better if I had known. I could have done something about my life a long time ago. Numerous Ts and other professionals and I myself failed me. But it is what it is.

That being said, your first obligation is to yourself, so if informing her anonymously would jeopardize you in any way, I don't think it's your job to inform her of what you suspect.

Interesting. It's true there is a larger percentage DID-ers than people realize.

MK91 wrote:she's extremely organized

that doesn't mean no amnesia. i am extremely organized BECAUSE i get amnesia. couldn't function otherwise. my boss can't understand why i get bent out of shape about the maid. It's because she picks my crap up and moves it when she's cleaning. i have a system and if it is messed up i get frantic.

Something like this is kinda comparable to telling your boss that you know their SO is cheating on them.

You don't want to say but you have seen proof. Maybe she suspects it but just can't prove it enough to do something about it. And maybe she already knows but is lost and handling it the best she can.

Tough situation because if she flips out you might lose your job. On the other hand, she may already know and thank you for telling her/noticing. It could destroy your life or make your work situation so much better.

It's a really tough call.

Maybe just chat her up when you think the host is out. Say "oh, it's been stressful because my boyfriend has DID" and start a conversation that way. You could even go on to list symptoms like "he loses track of time, he doesn't have a lot of his memories, ect". Could be a conversation starter. It could get her to open up and say if she was dx with it or say "you know, I do that stuff too. Do you ever notice anything weird with me?"

Just a thought.

Just my opinion.

I think giving your boss personal advice is a waaay bad idea. It's enough for you to know, but it's really risky to play therapist to your colleagues.

Just my opinion.

This boss is not also a trusted friend so I would not disclose to her. An anonymous message might be useful, but more useful might be to consider who else might be a more appropriate person to speak to her. Pastor of her church? One of her friends? Or you could try the direct but low-key approach. Such as saying to her adult self "Do you know sometimes I have this funny idea that a little girl has taken your place?" or to her child self "Hi! I've seen you around here before. What's your name?"

InfinitD wrote:

MK91 wrote:she's extremely organized

that doesn't mean no amnesia. i am extremely organized BECAUSE i get amnesia. couldn't function otherwise. my boss can't understand why i get bent out of shape about the maid. It's because she picks my crap up and moves it when she's cleaning. i have a system and if it is messed up i get frantic.

Oh gosh, that sounds a lot like her. If someone does something outside of her "system" she sort of flips out on the person, even if what the person was doing was actually more useful than whatever she told them to do, because it's not what she wanted. She even gets on the boss of my half of the department's case just because she's the manager of the whole department itself and tells my boss how to do her job. By now everyone has just learned to always do everything K's way because it keeps her off your case.

Johnny-Jack wrote:If she's aware of Johann's condition and your connection to him, it may not be safe for you to do that.

ashesoflife wrote:Maybe just chat her up when you think the host is out. Say "oh, it's been stressful because my boyfriend has DID" and start a conversation that way. You could even go on to list symptoms like "he loses track of time, he doesn't have a lot of his memories, ect". Could be a conversation starter. It could get her to open up and say if she was dx with it or say "you know, I do that stuff too. Do you ever notice anything weird with me?"

Considering she had Johann as an employee and didn't particularly like him, that would probably be a bad idea. Considering her b****y alter (I'm going to assume that's a protector?) spent all of it's time yelling at him for fighting with Matt, and Matt was always tattling on Johann for nothing at all, and she always chose to believe Matt because Matt was a suck-up to her (he's still a suck-up, but unlike Johann I actually made friends with him). So now whenever Johann comes in the store and tries to talk to me or if he's there to pick me up, if I haven't clocked out yet she sarcastically finds a way to shoo him faaaar away from me. Doesn't even say hi to him, just tells him to go away until I'm done.

InfinitD wrote:I think giving your boss personal advice is a waaay bad idea. It's enough for you to know, but it's really risky to play therapist to your colleagues.

Despite what everyone has said, I have to agree with you. =\ Considering I already know she really doesn't like me, it would give her a reason to find a way to fire me if she thought I was "threatening" her position.

Una+ wrote:Or you could try the direct but low-key approach. Such as saying to her adult self "Do you know sometimes I have this funny idea that a little girl has taken your place?" or to her child self "Hi! I've seen you around here before. What's your name?"

Even though the personality changes, it's almost like the person isn't actually changing. Or if the personality shift only lasts a few seconds. Like some sort of trigger before the protector can regain control. Like when she's nice to the younger employees or customers with small children, but then when they leave she goes back to being "mean". So I'm pretty sure if I said anything, the protector would basically tell me off, because I'm not a "younger" employee.