Need help identifing an alter

I met a new alter a few weeks ago. In my inner world, talking to Azel. Azel talks in codes and I have to figure it out.

I don't know much of anything about DID and can't seem to find a description for this alter anywhere in any google searched articles, papers, and websites.

Maybe you guys have a part like this and can help me make sense of it.

I was with Azel, my ISH, in my inner world talking about Jackie. I'm trying to figure out the Jackie/Alice thing. I finally get it. Jackie is "Seed's Strength" and Alice is "Seed's Pain". I have hit a wall because I can't get strength to let pain out. So I need to figure out what to do with Strength to get her know it's okay to feel pain.

Yes, I psychoanalyze myself all the time. I ask questions, I get riddles, I then torment myself with them until I solve them. I can't solve this one.

While talking to Azel about Jackie, someone new came in, sat on the ground next to me, and took my hand. She is about 12. She just looked up at me and smiled. After a while I got this, which I am going to attempt to sum up, from Azel:

Her name is Samantha. She is a part of Jackie that Jackie doesn't want. Samantha doesn't speak (inside or outside) and cannot take control of the body alone. She wants to be part of Jackie again but Jackie rejects her. When Jackie and Sam are together- merged as one, I have Kitty. So the two together make another alter. I'm lost too. It's okay.

Kitty only comes out when the body is drunk because only when defenses are down will Jackie allow Samantha to be part of her. Jackie rejects Sam because she makes her weak. Jackie will have nothing to do with her.

If that wasn't weird enough, keep reading.

Samantha can't take the body by herself. She can however, bind to the functions. When Samantha binds to a function, she takes control of the body with host/me/Self having fuzzy memory and no control.

Azel reminded me of a day where I "woke up" at the mall, dressed in a way I never dress, wondered what was going on and what happened. We were going to the mall together (husband and kids) I put on a sweatshirt and no makeup. My husband was upset that I never show skin, ect. I refused to change. Next thing I know I'm standing in a record store and my husband is yelling at me that my sweater slipped, my bra is hanging out and men are staring. I had no idea what happened.

So that day I refused to change clothes- I don't like to "show skin" and prefer the frumpy mom look. He was angry (it was an abusive marriage). Since I didn't comply, Samantha became Mina- one that does makeup and dresses well. Put on a sweater that I only ever wear with a tank top under it and went to the mall. It was explained that this was done to prevent the husband from hurting Seed's body. Since I would not comply and dress to please him, a switch happened to prevent harm. When I came back it was because the need to "show skin" was replaced with "I can't belive you would dress like that" and the need to cover up was back. I was needed for safety.

Yes, I sometimes wonder if I married a man with two personalities.

So what is Samantha?

She is a split off a protector that can't act on her own, only bind with functions to prevent safety. (functions are my mind's knowledge- so Sam can bind with child care and become Mariweather, the super nanny, or become Maria the housekeeper that can tackle any mess, ect).

There has to be more to it than that though and I apparently need her to get Jackie (strength) to allow me to get Alice (pain) out of the well.

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My inner world only works in puzzles and I don't understand this enough to solve it.

What kind of alter is Samantha or what does she represent? Compliance maybe?

Does anyone else have a part like that?

I need help.

Demon Lillith maybe a good system to ask about this & may know whether my suggestion is right or wrong.

To me, she sounds like a skin/veil/shell type alter. I mean, I'm not 100% on that, but it sounds like a similar type of thing.

Skins/Veils/Shells basically don't have much of a function when there isn't another alter with them/blended with them. As I said, I'm not 100% sure, she could just be a different type of fragment etc, but that's just the first thing that popped into my head.

Kerry

Something else to think about, it's not unheard of for an alter to create their own alters. Sam might be Jackie's alter not yours, that might be the reason Jackie needs to intergrate with Sam before you can factor in.

Just a thought
Kero

Kerry wrote:Skins/Veils/Shells basically don't have much of a function when there isn't another alter with them/blended with them. As I said, I'm not 100% sure, she could just be a different type of fragment etc, but that's just the first thing that popped into my head.

Thank you. I will try to find information on that tonight. It's just so hard to figure this one out so I'm looking for some type of psych/DID term so I can figure this out.

I go into my inner world, gather information, bring into the real world, try to figure it out in psychological terms, then translate that into my inner world so I can both remember my past and heal, thus put my life together.

Kero wrote:Something else to think about, it's not unheard of for an alter to create their own alters. Sam might be Jackie's alter not yours, that might be the reason Jackie needs to intergrate with Sam before you can factor in.

I do have to get Jackie to merge/intergrate with Sam. I posted about it the other day so I will just quote myself- lol.

ashesoflife wrote:His plan is first I get Jackie and her other piece (who is named Samantha) to merge.
Then I merge with Kitty- Jackie+Samantha=Kitty.
Jackie is a firecracker on her own but if her other piece is with her, she is a lot nicer.
Then I get Alice out of the well. Then I deal with Alice's and Jill's memories and merge with Alice.

I will not merge with Jill yet. I will apparently need Jill to remain as her own person for a while.

The struggle is Jackie doesn't want her but I can't go any further until I get those two back together. I can't do that until I figure out what Samantha is and her purpose in the system.

She is not "my alter". She is Jackie's alter. So I have to be an inner therapist to Jackie and get her to integrate with Sam. Jackie is a very angry and very strong inner teenage protector.

Samantha is a part Jackie doesn't want and won't discuss. Azel told me about her but can't help me. It's up to me to figure it out.

I know it boils down to "I have to be strong enough to allow myself to feel my pain" with Jackie and Alice. Then you factor in Samantha and I know I'm missing something. I am overlooking some significant part.

~~~~~~~Trigger warning~~~~~~~

Nevermind about the thread. I know what she is. She is not one of us. She was an alter my father created. I have nothing more to say about that.