Uncomfortable Situations

I am kadssdak’s alter Paige I wanted to take this opportunity to ask a question, how can I help make things easier for kadssdak with his girlfriend with out saying we have DiD?

I don’t want to say anything as I don’t feel its my place to do so but I don’t want her to feel like there is a problem between them if any one can help me I’d be so thankful.

Paige.

Might I ask...why it's so important not to tell her about the DID?

The people who I am not all that close with, but know I'm seeing a therapist, know I have some "family issues that I'm dealing with right now," and "difficulties coping with stress." The others, while I haven't shared a diagnosis, know all my symptoms. People seem to be more understanding if you explain your symptoms, rather than just throwing a diagnosis at them, a dx that they probably don't understand in the first place.

He doesn’t want her to know yet he doesn’t feel the time is right.

Paige.

kadssdak wrote:He doesn’t want her to know yet he doesn’t feel the time is right.

WEll, it's important she knows at some point, if the relationship becomes more serious. After all, it's a pretty big part of your lives right? And to allow the relationship to become very serious without letting her know this crucial detail is not very honest...I know I would want to be told. If she's worth being with, she'll be supportive, even though she may not understand.

Its easy to say that but i dont think it to be as simple as you make it seem.

Paige.

i'm sorry i've put you in this situation Paige i will find a way to tell her asap so you can relax when your out xx

Before I knew I have DID for 30 years I knew I had parts. Strange, aggressive, dangerous, possibly violent parts, and I did my best not to let them ever come out. So that's what I disclosed to my significant others. My SOs never paid it much mind.

You and Paige probably need to know really well what's going on first before you share it all. You kind of have to know how you're going to explain it before you share it. I know I would have made a mess of things trying to explain everything back in April. In fact I did try to describe what was happening relatively soon after that and stumbled over an explanation because I couldn't even explain it yet to myself. You don't want to be caught in that situation. I would say if Paige tends to take a supportive role (as in a primary role for her is to support the host in their endeavors, like Jonathan tends to do for me), and she is okay with the girlfriend and the relationship being there, you can afford to wait a bit. But not too long obviously as divided says.

I think it's fair and at least somewhat honest to mention something basic like "I dissociate," or "some bad things happened to me in childhood." Whatever's true. You don't have to disclose everything all at once, but you don't want to get into a situation where you're being dishonest, of course.

Soon after I got married, my mother warned my husband "pay attention to the music she listens too. If you hear angry metal rock, leave her alone. Seriously, back off."

Then she went on to list different kinds of music and moods. It's like my mother was aware of my different parts even though I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. I never listened to half of the types of music she mentioned.

Now that makes sense.

But yeah, just talk to her about it slowly. A "I need to tell you I have DID and am not always myself" probably wouldn't go over really well unless she understands what you are talking about. Best to give her the info in pieces and explain as you go.

I am the girlfriend of a man with DID. I say wait until you are 100%, without a doubt, sure you can trust her, and that you feel comfortable. I totally agree with what Johnny-Jack said about telling her "I dissociate" or perhaps explaining that something bad happened to you. It's completely honest without getting to far into it. Many singletons have a hard time understanding, accepting, or really getting what DID is.

My BF is not completely aware of his DID, only one or maybe more alters know. However, he has told me to the best of his ability that some bad things have happened to him. But I wouldn't want him to tell me anything that he wasn't ready to, or anything that made him feel uncomfortable. I believe he tested me for a long time before some of the alters would even come out and talk to me. It's very hard for him to trust.

Best of luck to you, and thank you for being so concerned about your SO.