I'm confused, can someone help me out?

I've been reading this forum for a while after something someone said to me, and it's got me wondering about myself...

Ever since I was young I've been aware of more than one of me. There's one that grows up (the one talking now) but in the beginning there were two others as well. One is (and this will sound strange) almost like a dragon. I mean she is a she, but more often than not she appears in dragon form. She talks for me when I'm scared but sometimes I realise what is happening and can control it to some extent. I have been speaking to a friend before, black out, and when I come back and read back I've been talking about myself in the third person. There's also always been a child of 4. She's pretty smart for a kid but is very scared and barely ever comes out. Sometimes she does though, but when she talks and moves for me I always know it and am ready to try and step in if she gets too frightened.

When I was around 14 another one came into it. Another female but meaner, she's been that voice that tells me I'm worthless etc. I don't know where she came from or what made her, all I know is that I was on a school trip to France, blacked out for a few days, and when I came back she was there.

Now I don't know what any of this means and have never really thought much of it until recently. I've started harming myself again, but the worst times it has happened in the past two weeks I don't even remember doing it. I remember thinking about it, then there are cuts on my arms and legs and I have no idea where they came from.

I just want someone to tell me if there's something up with me or if I'm imagining it all. There have been many times where I've blacked out when I was at school or college, or when I'm there but not in control of anything. This is all so confusing I don't know if any of it even made any sense but if anyone can give any advice I would very much appreciate it.

Dark xx

Firstly, everything you said made sense to me. Secondly, it sounds like you came to the right place. As you may have read, there have been a number of people who have come to this board with similar stories: an awareness of others inside you of various ages including small children, blackouts (losing time, particularly in conversation with another person or in stressful circumstances), self harming that you're not conscious of, an introject (voice which criticizes in virtually the same way as an individual in your life), the concern that you might be making it up, and even parts that aren't human or at least not fully. I had dissociative identity disorder and it sounds to me like you may too.

Thank you so much for your response. The more I read everyone's stories and look about on the net, the more everything is starting to make sense, I just don't really know what to do with all of it. Is there any course of action you could recommend so I can maybe find out. Raiyne (the human/dragon) is telling me I need to talk to a doctor but I don't really know what I would say or whether a doctor would be the right person to talk to. I don't leave the house a lot as it causes major panic attacks unless Raiyne's in charge so I'm at a bit of a loss as for what to do.

Thanks again for your response,
Dark xx

Raiyne would be right....

What you say will resonate with a lot of people here very much. And I would urge you to look at going to see a professional to get some help in all this. I know it isn't fun having so much anxiety you can't leave the house. I was housebound for a year because of anxiety so I know how it is. Please try and push through that and go see someone. It doesn't have to be this way forever.

Bourbon