Searching for a new T (take 4)

Ugh. Who knew that talking to a T, just an introductory conversation by phone, could be so triggering. After speaking with another therapist this afternoon, not the one I talked about here but another one, I am wrought with anxiety. I am trying not to jump to the conclusion that she's the wrong therapist, because... well... who knows why I'm having these feelings.

I got a good vibe from her (I think?). She was really nice, and really professional, and very warm. But almost from the get-go, the anxiety and pressure inside began pushing its way up. It was all I could do to remain calm and keep talking to her. And now my chest feels like it's on fire from the inside. And heavy. Like a big heavy weight that's been caught on fire.

I was supposed to get a lot done tonight, but I have a feeling not much is going to be accomplished. I just have to remember to keep breathing and try not to be hard on myself. Never an easy thing.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Do you think this is a bad thing that this therapist brought up so many feelings on just our first phone conversation? I just have no idea what to think.

brandic wrote:She was really nice, and really professional, and very warm. But almost from the get-go, the anxiety and pressure inside began pushing its way up. It was all I could do to remain calm and keep talking to her. And now my chest feels like it's on fire from the inside. And heavy. Like a big heavy weight that's been caught on fire.

Exactly how I felt when I was feeling overwhelmed and phoned my T a couple weeks ago! She was so normal at our session though, that I forgot all about it. I have come to a conclusion that I was triggered...my emotions were not an immediate reaction to her behavior, but rather a projection. This may or may not be true for your case, but at least give it a try, okay? Try to give the benefit of the doubt, if you can.

dividedtruth89 wrote:I have come to a conclusion that I was triggered...my emotions were not an immediate reaction to her behavior, but rather a projection. This may or may not be true for your case, but at least give it a try, okay? Try to give the benefit of the doubt, if you can.

Interesting. Yes, I guess that could be accurate. A projection of what though, I wonder. I do remember getting this feeling in my chest with my old T, the one who I was so attached to. Not after she severed ties, but when we were still in therapy together. I think it has to do with feeling connection...? Like, connection is terrifying and painful...? Or maybe it's fear that if I connect, I will get hurt? That just when I let myself attach that I will get hurt? I have no idea. But I guess these thoughts didn't come from nowhere! lol.

Thanks.

ps she does play therapy!

brandic wrote:ps she does play therapy

Woohoo! If it weren't for sandtrays, I don't know how I would even get two words out in therapy. I feel like I'm actually participating in therapy, as opposed to "not being much of a talker" like T2 said. Haha she just didn't know how to get me going! If I get going with my current T, I actually start to unconsciously interrupt her, having to stop myself so to not be rude.

brandic wrote:A projection of what though, I wonder.

Well, I don't know the answer to this either, for my own situation. I've also considered it might be transference. I was possibly having the emotions towards my T that I numb about with my mom. AKA, knowing my mom didn't want me to call her while I was on my trip, led to feeling like my T didn't want me calling/was annoyed with my call. Which is why I was apologizing and trying to get off the phone, and freaking out about if I was doing the right thing calling her.

I don't think the feelings are a reaction to her. I think the feelings are a reaction to the whole process of trying to find someone who is going to help you and stop the chase. Did the other woman get back to you?

Bourbon