Coming Out as DID

Una+ thank you for sharing some of the questions you have been asked... There were certainly a few in there that surprised me and that I am grateful to have a bit of forewarning about in case I'm asked those...

epluribusunum wrote:@ saltedlipstick, his questions were mostly about whether he would have seen any of my alters during our time together, and when they tended to show up. I was OK answering those questions; other people may be more guarded, and a lot depepnds on the friend and the friemdship I suppose.

Oh ok. Yeah I think I would want to be a little more guarded about some of those types of questions because my abusers had a habit of deliberately triggering out certain personalities... Good to know in advance that those types of questions might get asked so I don't get caught completely off balance and reveal more than I am comfortable with for feeling pressured to answer the question at the time...

mosaicmonkey wrote:Integration isn't our goal which means that we'll be multiple forever, which means we'd have to hide forever.

mosaicmonkey wrote:Also, we wanted to be able to be ourselves - pretending was making us all depressed.

I suppose we don't try to hide some of the switches and people just think our inconsistency is our consistency, if you get what I mean. (We've got a lot more than 40 unfortunately). I never thought about the fact that we'd be hiding forever though, that is a depressing thought... (We don't know about integrating, we are just taking things one step at a time at the moment). Mostly it's the memory loss between personalities that is the problem for us and so it would be good to be more open so people can understand that (so they don't just think I suck when I forget to call them back or something). You certainly pointed out a really good reason to be more open about it... I will certainly give this point some thought.

I'm not quite at the stage of telling yet, still giving it some thought... It helps to be aware of issues such as what questions they will ask... Thank you all for your responses to my question.

salted lipstick wrote:thank you for sharing some of the questions you have been asked... There were certainly a few in there that surprised me and that I am grateful to have a bit of forewarning about in case I'm asked those...

That's exactly why I listed them.

Probably the most common "delicate" reaction is a sudden, shocked recognition that in a way you are a stranger. This produces one or two emotional reactions:

1. You mean you could suddenly change on me, into someone I don't know?
1a. That sounds scary. I don't want to experience that.
1b. That sounds fascinating. Really hot too. I can hardly wait to experience that!

Either way, one reassuring response is to point out that for all the other person knows, you have been switching in front of them all along and they never noticed. So not to worry.

Una+ wrote:Either way, one reassuring response is to point out that for all the other person knows, you have been switching in front of them all along and they never noticed. So not to worry.

Hehe the way things work for us, they would have already seen us switch, just maybe not to children or anyone "noticeable"... I like the idea of using this point to reassure them...

This seems to be the best thread we have on the DID Forum about the topic of "coming out of the closet" as a multiple. So here I have gathered links to some additional threads about this topic.

"Coming out"
Coming out to family
Coming out to my parents
even more scared now
Revealing DID to a relationship prosect...help???

This thread is awesome, thanks for bumping this thread and sharing those links Una+!

I have had to come out to a previous boyfriend, my current boyfriend and 2 select friends when I needed support before, but that's it. We have been really paranoid about coming out to others in general. I've never even gone to a psychologist or requested any psychiatric support or therapy because my alters are very uncomfortable with the idea (mostly my protector Yolanda.)

I am also in a professional program now, and I have no idea what "coming out" would to to my career prospects (I'm guessing it wouldn't be good). I'm not worried about my mental state affecting my performance at all: my alters and I get along wonderfully now and have complex and efficient methods for dealing with issues, and there are absolutely no problems while I'm doing clinical studies. I am pretty sure most people would be freaked out though if I disclosed my condition.

Life would be a hell of a lot easier though if I came out, that's for sure. Has anyone else been a similar situation with their career and coming out?

Here is another DID Forum thread

Coming out, disclosing to people in our lives

And from that thread, some links out:

Wikipedia: Coming out
Astraea's Web: Coming out Multiple, Guest article by Bob King/Firewheel
Pavilion Library: Hondas' Guide to Coming Out as Multiple
DeviantART: LB's Guide to Coming Out Multi

Here are some new links to good content:

The Psychology of the Closeted Individual and Coming Out (2007 PDF) by Jack Drescher, MD ‎

Psychiatric Times: The Closet: Psychological Issues of Being In and Coming Out (2004) by Jack Drescher, MD

These two articles are remarkable because, in explaining issues of revealing hidden identity for homosexual men, the author cites some major early writing about dissociation.

Here is another great thread on coming out, a dramatic and touching story of evolving self disclosure:

DID Forum: Therapist forcing psychiatric consult . . .

I'm glad you have a growing number of people you can talk to about it. You deserve it. Personally, I can't tell anyone who knows me about it. This website is the only place so far I can even talk about it and even here I get teased. I don't think I'll ever even tell a therapist about my symptoms. I cut off contact with my old T because he diagnosed me with DDNOS. Which frightened me because I don't recall us ever discussing dissociation (much less Dissociative Disorders) unless it was in relation to my BPD. Good move on my part, 'cause that's around the most recent time my system grew restless and alters started popping out frequently and uncontrollably.

I'm ashamed to be this way. I should be able to function as one person. It's such a basic thing. Why can't I do it?
I fear a diagnosis of DID on my record would prevent me from being hired or being allowed to drive.
Worst of all, there's no way to come back from it. Once people know you're multiple, you can't pretend to be singular again. Ever. They know.

Havoctoria wrote:I'm ashamed to be this way. I should be able to function as one person. It's such a basic thing. Why can't I do it?

Please don't "should" yourself. Actually, no one really functions "as one person".

Havoctoria wrote:I fear a diagnosis of DID on my record would prevent me from being hired or being allowed to drive.

That fear is normal but objectively it is baseless.

Havoctoria wrote:Worst of all, there's no way to come back from it. Once people know you're multiple, you can't pretend to be singular again. Ever. They know.

Sure you can pretend. More than that, you can even fully integrate and no longer be a multiple. Also, people soon forget and many don't pay much attention to begin with.


The notable sociologist Erving Goffman wrote an important book on this problem of shame, way back in 1963: Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity. It is still available. Goffman made the very interesting classification of stigmatized persons into two groups: those who are discreditable and those who are discredited. The discredited are those whose stigma is widely known to others. The discreditable are those whose stigma is concealed: they are vulnerable to being exposed. Goffman wrote that the healthiest, most mature adjustment to reality is for the stigmatized person to self-disclose and thereby join the ranks of the discredited.

This has been my experience. By coming out, I have come to feel vastly more safe and secure. I know where I stand. I know who accepts me as I am, and who does not.

Edited: Probably not the most supportive response, so I deleted it even though I think it really, really needed to be said.

I'll just settle for agreeing to disagree.