Not as supportive as I thought

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly thirteen months. Sometime within the last month, I told him about the alters, and he was amazingly supportive, saying he'd be accepting and love me no matter what, because they were a part of me, and he loved all of me. He said he wanted to talk to them and would have no problem with them, and wouldn't treat me any differently because of them.

Recently, he started revealing his true colors. When Cat cuts me, he says I'm cutting myself and that I have control over it. He's told me that "they aren't real people, and you should just get rid of them." He sounds bored and tentative when I talk about them. Last night, Nadine talked to him for the first time--well, texted him, but it's a big deal, because none of them have ever talked to him before--really upset that he said she wasn't real, and she basically told him "if you ever say that again I'll punch you in the face", to which he replied "I'm more real than you and have more affect on her than all of you combined." Now I'm really scared to let any of them come out around him ever again. I'm afraid of what will happen if he talks to them face-to-face, especially with Nadine.

I really love him. I don't want to leave him because of this. But I consider myself a very strong person, and have lately been incredibly depressed about it, among other things. Should I let the others come out? Should I let Nadine come out? I just want him to acknowledge that they're people like me.

He sounds very ignorant about it. I'm sorry you and the others went through that.

Perhaps you could try to give him some resources to read to help him understand better. See if you can find something that says "you should treat them as real, even if you don't believe it". If he has read some resources like that before starting to interact with them, it might be a more positive experience the next time he interacts with them or talks to you about Cat's cutting problem. Eventually if he can interact with them in a positive enough way that they are more prepared to come out and he gets to know them, then he will actually start to believe they are not you.

That's what I'd suggest trying anyway...

I am sorry but I feel compelled to say this. Please separate from this boyfriend. Do it now. He is being mentally and emotionally abusive to you. Do not tolerate such treatment from anyone. Leave him.

WOW! If my partner ever did that I'd be out that door faster than he could blink. Actually, I wouldn't, HE'D be out that door, I'd chuck him out. What an extremely rude thing to say and incredibly unsupportive to ALL of you. No wonder it is making you feel depressed.

You know him, do you think that with some psychoeducation he will be more supportive or do you think he is never going to get it in which case it would be easier to cut your losses and run than keeping fighting against his beliefs?

Bourbon

When I talk to him, he says that he's saying they aren't real because he wants to try and convince himself that they can be gotten rid of, mainly Cat. He's afraid Cat's going to kill me. He says he can't deal with being unable to help me with this. He's told me to tell my parents so I can get a therapist, but I can't do that. I've tried once before, and once I started mentioning voices and memory gaps, they said "stop reading and watching tv, and maybe you won't be so dramatic anymore." I literally have no one, even though my boyfriend says he wants to be supportive towards me. He's a wonderful guy when it comes to anything but this. It's as if this is impossible to accept for him.

What if I told my parents I was depressed? I mean, it's not a lie. I'd have to tell them the cuts and burns on my arms are from myself, of course, which is lying, but it would be the only way I could get a therapist. Should I do that?

Hi there, I'm a support person. Yes, tell you parents you are depressed. Whatever can get you to therapy will be a tremedous help to you!

Please don't let your boyfriend tell you that your alters are not real people. They are! They all deserved to be listened to and respected. It sounds like he doesn't have a good understanding of DID. It takes a lot of reading and research for us singletons to even begin to understand.

My heart goes out to you. Best of luck!

Thanks, everybody.

Maybe not today (it's Thanksgiving and all), but someday soon, I'll have help.

I can't tell you to be like omg leave him at the moment because it would be hypocritical. My bf and I are in an LDR, and I tried to tell him that I'm multiple before...it did not go well.

That said--I would try to get him resources, get both of you into counseling (he needs help dealing with it, too, after all), and watch him. Carefully. I.e.--is it helping? Or is he still insisting that you are the one doing things and that none of them are real? Because alters can't really put up with that for long (nor should they). It's massively unfair. Although that is actually why mine don't really practice self-injury out here...they know I'll be blamed for it.

I hope he becomes more accustomed to the idea that you have others, and that his earlier reactions were inappropriate. <3