Haven't Been Here In a While

I haven't been on this forum in a while. I was having a lot of internal problems with accepting my DX. I've joined a few yahoo groups for DID though which have been helpful. Lately I've just been trying to ignore my DX. I moved out a few months ago and have been afraid to proceed further with my memory work etc, because I was so scared I wouldn't be able to function and would no longer to be able to maintain my stability to work and pay bills. but the voices were still there and are still here. I've been switching but have just been very confused about who my alters all are. My T was able to bring out an alter today, a new one that I hadn't talked to before (I think,) and now my head is hurting soo bad and I can't get it to stop and I just want to cry. Gia is the new alter, I don't know her age but she's bisexual and very strong willed. We're partly co conscious though which is good. I first recognized her a few days ago. T says we still have a lot of work to do, which I'm not too happy about, but I know it must be done and cooperation must happen in order to further understand the memories and to gain ones that are still very much lost. But i still get random flashes of images of abuse that I just cant accept being real. Im getting more memories of thing I had forgotten. its so strange.. :/
anyyways. just ranting a bit. not sure if anyone on here remembers me, its been a while. but im going to start posting here again because i remember this forum was really helpful for me in the past.
thanks for reading
jules

Welcome back Jules.

Hi Jules,

I know what you mean. I can barely get anything done except this therapy right now. I have deadlines and I am turning in poor work. Working with my alters EXHAUSTS me and takes most of each day.

You need to take things at your own pace and do what you can do.

Welcome back! I was not here when you were before, but I post a lot now.

Thanks everyone. It's definitely been an exhausting day. Just very anxious and tired but cant sleep. Hate that feeling. After Gia left in therapy I heard a voice say "I dont believe you." I dont know what that means. I wasn't saying or thinking anything in particular at the time so I felt kind of confused. Maybe it was Gia? I dunno...

Hi Jules,

Never met you before but hello!

It sounds like you're doing some really productive work in therapy, however hard it is. How long have you been seeing you r T for, if you don't mind me asking?

I share a little of your concern. I'm worried that the further I go into therapy the more dysfunctional i will be. As of today I have two jobs and I'm worried somewhat that as therapy gets deeper and deeper and more parts join in, we may lose our functioning.

Still, we shall see what happens.

Again, nice to meet you .

Bourbon

bourbon wrote:Hi Jules,

Never met you before but hello!

It sounds like you're doing some really productive work in therapy, however hard it is. How long have you been seeing you r T for, if you don't mind me asking?

I share a little of your concern. I'm worried that the further I go into therapy the more dysfunctional i will be. As of today I have two jobs and I'm worried somewhat that as therapy gets deeper and deeper and more parts join in, we may lose our functioning.

Still, we shall see what happens.

Again, nice to meet you .

Bourbon

Hi Bourbon. I've been in therapy on and off for about 9 years, but have been seeing this current T who has had 30 years experience with DID since January. Before that I was seeing another T from June to Jan and she told me she thought I would be better off with someone who has more experience. It's definitely been a tough journey.
Been having a lot of switches today...just trying to recollect my thoughts and remember everything, luckily im partly co concious which is good. I'm still trying to figure out what the voice that said "I dont believe you" meant.

That's good that the therapist was honest enough with you to let you know that you'd be better off with someone more experienced instead of just struggling through blindly with something and risk doing more harm than good.

I'm mostly co-conscious (aside from minutes here and there). It is a blessing. It is making this puzzle of my life a LOT easier to solve.

What happens if you ask inside as to what "I don't believe you" meant and who said it? Do your alters answer questions? Mine don't, always. They have a tendency to go quiet if I scare them off with a complex or difficult question.

Bourbon

Hello Jules. Welcome back! I certainly remember you. It's nice to see you back again.

I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling to come to terms with the Dx and have been worried about remaining stable enough to work. I can certainly relate to both of those things. I was fortunate in that once I had been seeing my therapist for a while, he recommended I go on disability so that I can have financial support while I work through everything. That has helped me feel a lot more at ease with the process. Perhaps it is something you could look into if you need?

It is really positive that you have had the persistence to work on your therapy and to also come back here for more support. I think you are doing all the right things to help yourself and I'm glad to see you back.

Thanks Salted Lipstick
It does feel good to be back and to be able to talk to people about whats going and to be able to relate in so many different ways. Makes me feel much less alienated.
Bourbon, the same thing happens to me, I'll try to talk to them and theyll get scared off. Usually it comes and goes without me being able to control it. It's mostly when i'm alone though. Could hear my littles talking and crying today because we have a fever and are sick today. No fun
Thanks for the warm welcome back everybody

LuckyOphelia wrote:Could hear my littles talking and crying today because we have a fever and are sick today.

Oh that sucks. I hope you get well soon and that the littles can feel happier again soon...