New here

Hi all. I'm new to this site and newly diagnosed with DID. i'm terrified! I have spent years in psychiatric hospitals simply because I refused to accept the diagnosis of BPD which I knew was wrong. For years I've known there are other parts of me and yet all the so called 'experts' have refused to acknowledge it - simply saying that it was all in my mind.
Whilst I am pleased that I now know what is going on, I have worked so hard to get my kids back, maintain a home and i have a full time job and I am terrified that if i indulge my parts, I may lose all I have. For years I have ignored them all and it would be easier to continue to do so but I feel I am unravelling as they want to be heard.
I am in the UK and there is so little understanding of this condition here and its only due to a doctor who doesnt agree with the 'system' that I finally have a diagnosis. I need an experienced therapist to help me but I dont want to be somebodys case study - I want help to manage my parts. any ideas about finding a therapist would be great. I simply dont know where to begin and I cant tell a soul - not even my partner as I'm scared of being labelled crazy again.

thanks for listening and thanks for this site.

Hey

Welcome to the site. I was diagnosed this year too. It was very frightening at first for me too. Actually, sometimes it's still frightening. I'm in the same boat as you - I have a full-time job and very much feel like I have a lot to lose should I indulge other parts or even just don't go at 100% all the time.

I don't live in the UK, but found this site. Perhaps it will help you.
http://www.therapistsuk.com/

Again, welcome and good luck.

Hi LittleRedDogToo
Thanks for your reply, its nice to know someone in a similar situation is out there. i will look on that therapy website asap!

*waves*
Hi and welcome!

Hi Nutbag,

I too am from the UK And hear your need to see a private therapist who actually believes in DID rather than the stupid NHS.

Another idea for you: Think about contacting Remy Aquarone at the Pottergate Centre for Dissociation and Trauma in Norwich. If you give him your place I'm sure he will come back with someone he knows in that area that treats DID. Just type the pottergate centre into google and you will be able to find his email address. It is worth doing. He is very passionate about people in the UK getting help for their DID.

Bourbon

Hi and welcome. I'm so glad you've finally gotten the help and belief out there that you needed. It's taken many years, decades even, for some of us here as well. As an immediate suggestion, I would stand somewhere where you won't be heard by other humans and speak aloud to those inside. Let them know you want to come to know them but that you are very afraid of being overwhelmed. If you are overwhelmed, they cannot get the help they need. Let them know you want to help them and share their pain over time. It is, after all, only fair, since they likely endured pain that you may not have had to, so that you didn't have to. If you feel silly or crazy doing this, talking to yourself, be assured that all the rest of us who have tried something like this have felt just as crazy. Until it starts working. Then it doesn't matter so much anymore how you feel, you just appreciate the relief.

Ask if anyone heard you and could one of them step up? Then listen inside for anyone's voice. If you can't hear them, let them know. You could suggest they write you what they want to tell you at the first opportunity. Being in communication with your alters, coming up with some basic ground rules, asking them for their support in return for your promise to help them, may produce stability that you would hardly expect. It's worked for me and for many of us. It depends on your system, but even if it doesn't work immediately, keep trying. Your intentions and feelings about your alters cannot be hidden from them. If the host thinks of them as trash to be tossed out, they'll respond accordingly. If you don't feel you can be at all generous, say that and apologize for it. Give them what you can. They are you, a part of you (as you know).

Hello Nutbag and welcome to the forum

I'm glad to hear that you have an accurate diagnosis but sorry to hear you are struggling with feeling like you are going to unravel with all the parts wanting to be heard. We had a similar experience when we first got our diagnosis of everyone suddenly struggling to be heard. Whilst it seemed a bit de-stabilizing at first to suddenly have so much communication going on, ultimately it has led to more understanding and co-operation between parts which has led to us being more consistently stable.

I think it is important to give parts the opportunity to come out and to communicate in a safe environment. If you can perhaps schedule some time each day to give the opportunity for communication to occur, that could be a really positive thing. Perhaps ask someone else to look after your kids for an hour or two and you can try journalling or talking out loud as Johnny-Jack suggested. That is always a good start to make some positive progress.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I must admit that the thought of starting a dialogue with my parts frightens me so much. But I also know that ignoring them as i have been doing for so long has not worked and at times has been so destructive for me. i will attempt to find a safe space to start the process. Thanks again.

Nutbag, it is a major adjustment to be in communication with your alters. It seems very odd and bizarre at first if you weren't before. My entire view of myself as a rational individual had to shift considerably when I realized that I was someone who could hear voices now, that I was actively encouraging it, and that these people had always been there. I have a professional job and I had a lot invested in being the not crazy person in any environment. I had to shift my view of myself in order to make room for them. But it was, in fact, the only sane choice.

Many others on this board will confirm what I feel about my alters: they have become, over time, the best, most supportive friends I could ever imagine having. They know me inside out and although they push back incredibly at times, they do so with acceptance of what I went through. We all know that we all went through various traumas or had to deal with very difficult issues, so we're understanding of each other.

As salted lipstick recommends, be generous with alters timewise. Nothing acknowledges my alters more than giving them time in the body. We've had to make a few agreements but I now trust them 100% to take care of all of us whenever they're out, no matter what they're feeling or need to express. Pay special attention to those who don't or can't demand attention, particularly any young alters who don't even understand.

I've found relating to my alters as entirely separate, unique people has worked the best. It allows them the respect they deserve and feeds our stability. The nastiest arguments or resentment or conflicts happen when I fall back to thinking that I'm making them up, or when I tend to assume the real us is me and they're kind of subsidiary variations or adds-on or something. I've come to recognize that the "real me" behind all of us, the person who I/we would have become if the abuse had never happened, is very different from who I am. More than one other alter are in fact closer to the "real me" than I am! That has been bitter medicine that I'm still working on taking.