Core Question

Some how I believe their is a protector and a core. A persona created to help the Core that is always present to the point that it can be mistak'n as a core. Just my feelings.....

We have multiple cores. 13, to be exact.

We started out as a typical system. A core and a protector. But our abusers noticed that we had DID and basically turned the system in on itself. They destroyed the protector. And the core, they shattered. Each new shard of the core continued to grow and develop, and every alter in the system can trace back to them. As for the cores themselves, none of them existed before any of the others. None of them have more or less power. They either have more control over the body or mind, but in the end, it all evens out. They do, however, have more power over their own layer of the system.

I am so confused. On a long drive today I had time to ask some questions of those inside.

I asked if I have an ISF.

Helga: Yes
I asked if she was each level and she was not. Then I thought.... and asked... is she on level ZERO!

Helga: Yes

(This would be so easy if they would volunteer information instead of me having to figure it out then they confirm.!)

So I call out and ask to talk to those on level ZERO. Its' only the ISF. Says it is an IT. Not a he, not a she and has no name. Does not want to pick out and name, but I can pick one if I want.

Now for the Odd part and why I posted this under Core.

I ask: How old is the Core Self?

I start with infant and it answers at 10 years old. It was a half hearted answer so I kept going. It said the core self is age 10 until present age!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

What does this mean? This is confusing!?!?!?!?

I started to split at 3 months old, had tons of splits at 8 months. Most of my 262 alters split before age 3.

-- Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:17 pm --

Demon Lilith wrote:We have multiple cores. 13, to be exact.

We started out as a typical system. A core and a protector. But our abusers noticed that we had DID and basically turned the system in on itself. They destroyed the protector. And the core, they shattered. Each new shard of the core continued to grow and develop, and every alter in the system can trace back to them. As for the cores themselves, none of them existed before any of the others. None of them have more or less power. They either have more control over the body or mind, but in the end, it all evens out. They do, however, have more power over their own layer of the system.

Remind me. You do not go to therapy right? If not, why?

Oh, wow. That does sound incredibly confusing... Maybe your core didn't actually go away at age 10...? But that doesn't explain how it could have aged until now...
Maybe it's living through someone else?

Yes, we are not in therapy. This is really for many reasons, one of them being the resistance from both family and the inside to have what happened be out in the open. Another would be the lack of quality therapists in our area. The two we have seen for DID were crappy. One of them refused to do any work without being aided with hypnosis, the idea of which triggered incredible amounts of crap in our system that we were not ready to deal with. The other refused to believe we could know of our DID before him telling us of it, so therefor completely discounted everything we told him and even refused to believe we were abused.

Demon Lilith wrote:We have multiple cores. 13, to be exact.

We started out as a typical system. A core and a protector. But our abusers noticed that we had DID and basically turned the system in on itself. They destroyed the protector. And the core, they shattered. Each new shard of the core continued to grow and develop, and every alter in the system can trace back to them. As for the cores themselves, none of them existed before any of the others. None of them have more or less power. They either have more control over the body or mind, but in the end, it all evens out. They do, however, have more power over their own layer of the system.

Just out of curiosity, if you have thirteen cores, why in your signature do you only name Katherine as your core? Or is that too personal a question? =\

Katherine is the front core. So she is A core, just technically not the only core. And I've never met the other cores before. We can feel one of the others cores, sometimes, and occasionally a third. But we can't talk to them, and they don't usually talk to us. Besides, the ones posting here usually belong to the front layer, and she's our core, so.
~Rage

I found the most brilliant therapist this time around. I am so lucky! You might want to find an IFS therapist that works with trauma and does EMDR. That is what I searched for when I found him. It's so good to get answers that I know are spot on. He has had quite a few DID patients, but we take so much time (4 hour session the other day) that he does not advertise for DID patients.

Whenever I am unsure of anything, which is a lot of things when it comes to DID I ask him. He is like an encyclopedia of research in psychology.

I have not asked my Therapist yet about my ISH saying the core is 10 to current age, since I found out on the drive home from his place, but my therapists did answer a huge question for me. He said memory at a very young age is different. He went on stating all kinds of research and data on the subject. Bottom line is he said the brain tries to make sense of what it does remember so it's not always accurate. In fact a very young child's memory is not accurate at all, but what the brain makes up is very real to it and it must be treated the same as real memory and real trauma. I will never know exactly what is real and what is not, but I will be treated as if it is all trauma and heal.

In other words --- my ISH and all other parts can totally believe they are telling me the truth and they are still wrong. They were horribly traumatized, but they cannot remember everything and they are trying their best to make heads or tails of what they do know.

I decided to ask my ISH - Who I named Sage since it says it is not male or female, does not have a name, does not want to pick a name or a sex, but I could name this part if I wish. I chose Sage: Meaning wise one and it can be both a male and female name.

Questions and Answers with the ISH!

How old is the "Core Self"?
10 to my current adult age.
Do you remember our childhood?
Panic, Fear, Anger!
(I read the ISH is emotionless? Sage is not!)
Do you remember everyday
things when we were an infant? NO
Do you remember trauma from
when we were an infant?
YES!!!!! Drowning! Sexual Abuse!
What does the Core Remember? A few memories from age 10 until now.
So what you meant by saying "the Core is age 10 until my current age" is that the Core was not allowed out until age 10. Yes, sometimes she was allowed out when the parents were not near.
Who decided if she could come out or not? Those on Level 25.
Did those on Level 25 decide she could come out at times when she was almost 10? Yes
After age 10, when she was allowed out did she have memory loss when others were out instead of her? Yes
Was there any co-consciousness after age 10? Yes, until age 16.
Were there significant periods of Time Loss before age 16? Yes
Were there significant periods of Time Loss through our entire life span? Yes.
Was the Core Self out except during trauma times after age 10? Yes
Was she out at least once a day after age 10? No
Does the Core Self remember any trauma? No
Does the Core Self remember some nice things? Yes, some after age 10.

I'm glad you got some answers! That really does make a lot more sense, now.
~Rage

Demon Lilith wrote:Katherine is the front core. So she is A core, just technically not the only core. And I've never met the other cores before. We can feel one of the others cores, sometimes, and occasionally a third. But we can't talk to them, and they don't usually talk to us. Besides, the ones posting here usually belong to the front layer, and she's our core, so.
~Rage

Oh, really? That's very interesting. Thank you for answering me, Rage. c: (Sorry forgot to respond sooner ._.)