He likes me as more than a friend. So many feelings. :(

So my best friend today, who I see as a brother, told me he likes me in another way. Thank God I had T today to sort this out in my head.

I am so angry and sad and hurt and overall yucky feeling. Not only is he too old for me(15 years to be exact...I know that's weird he's my my best friend but he's kind of like family. He's practically brothers with my brother in law so that's how I got to know him.), but I just don't like him like that. I act VERY SMALL with him, I can't imagine being intimite in any other sort of way. There's a lot of nurturing that happens when I am acting like a ######6 5 year old and crying on the couch in a fetal position holding my stuffed animal, I JUST GET VERY SMALL ACTING when I'm with him(much of the time, not all the time).

I am just devastated. I have one friend, and now this will come between us. It sucks.

Geesh, well that's unfortunate. Speaking as a guy, guys get those feelings triggered and they're sometimes easy to let go of, as in, okay, that was wrong, okay, I'm putting those aside. Well everyone can find themselves attracted to anyone. On the one hand, he can't help what he feels. At least he was honest with you and said it. Can you just let him know that no, you don't feel that way at all, no way, you see him as a big brother, too much age difference, whatever, and you're hoping he's comfortable with that role? He may well be fine with it and understand. That's what he's been. If he's not comfortable, can he let you know? You can probably tell if he's not. Being honest about it all is good. Your feelings about this are valid too, completely. This is something that can happen with any two adults anytime not just someone in your situation. I've had ridiculously strong feelings about someone that went away fairly quickly, but of course I'm DID and boundaries are all messed up in me. I would try not to get too upset at the development because it might have some value that you can see someone out there might have those thoughts but want to return to friendship.

Oh gosh Yeah I can see why you're upset. This will inevitably change the friendship. Was yur T helpful in sorting this out in your head? How are you feeling about it now with regards to how the friendship will go on?

Bourbon

*hugs if wanted*

I am not going to offer you any advice on this, that's not my place at all. I'm not sure how you feel about the relationship 'from your end' as it were, thats obviously something you'll have to assess as to whether you're comfortable or not. What I would like to do however is to offer you this perspective as something that I hope will reassure you 'from his end'. I know you must feel all awhirl with a whole host of feelings, coupled with worries about what impact this will have on your relationship with your best friend. I can't say what will happen, I don't know the guy and certainly can't predict anything! (If I could, I'd be winning the lottery round about now thats for sure!)

But I can say that this is your best friend. This is someone who you have known presumably for a decent length of time. This is someone who has been there for you, as I'm sure you have been for him. This is someone who cares about you and has through both of your efforts formed a deep bond with you to the point where you can trust him with parts of you that you find exceedingly difficult to trust anyone with. I would speculate that you've been friends for a long while, and he's grown to love you as a person, for you in your own right. I doubt very, very much that this will come between you. I truly truly do. This guy is a huge part of your life, and I truly would not expect someone who has been such a support to you is going to turn around and say 'right, well, if thats the case then im off!' Admittedly I'm making big assumptions based on what you've said, both here and before, but it sounds like he didn't come into your life with this intention immediately, and that things have grown naturally over time?

He cares about you. Has grown to love you. It sounds like he is very accepting towards you, particuarly when you are having times of crisis. He has always accepted how you feel in general, and I would hope and be quietly confident on him accepting how you feel about him. There might be a few moments of awkwardness between you as you talk about things and, but I think/hope that you'll soon see that things will be ok, if you want them to be. He'll still be the person he is, and you'll still be the person you are. It's what made you strong in the first place, and I suspect you'll find it'll be what keeps the relationship you have already going, if you want it.

Trust me on this one

Ps: 15 years older than you is not weird to be good friends with someone!! Two of my closest friends are probably more than that older than me!

Thanks bourbon and jj for your replies Ugh this is just such an awful feeling.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Can you just let him know that no, you don't feel that way at all, no way, you see him as a big brother, too much age difference, whatever, and you're hoping he's comfortable with that role? He may well be fine with it and understand. That's what he's been. If he's not comfortable, can he let you know? You can probably tell if he's not. Being honest about it all is good.

All in all we are on good terms and he knows I'm not interested, but he just wanted to be honest. Unfortunately my feelings are still so chaotic. All the right things have been said and done, and we are still going on the camping trip we had planned for this weekend. But there is still so much turmoil inside because I just feel like I am losing what our friendship was, and now there is this new added tension that has NO BUSINESS being there.

bourbon wrote:Was yur T helpful in sorting this out in your head?

So helpful. I am so thankful that even though I don't feel as close of a connection to this therapist as I did the last one, she is still very aware of what I'm feeling. I was fighting a breakdown when she said that she could hear the pain and fear in my voice...whew that still gives me such a weird scared feeling, don't know why. Thinking of her saying "you're scared" scares the $#%^ out of me. I think the topic of conversation had shifted at that point though and I was talking about my family. So thankfully the whole session didn't revolve around the friend drama. Overall I felt like it was a VERY productive session where I was able to just kind of VOMIT out most of the $#%^ that's been in my head all week.

bourbon wrote:How are you feeling about it now with regards to how the friendship will go on?

I just spoke with him on the phone, and since we always discuss my sessions together, I told him about how I made a sandtray with him in it He thought it was pretty interesting, lol. I guess now it's just gonna be ME and whether or not I have the ability to keep my cool with this new knowledge. Cuz I know I'm probably gonna start to seem distant, and I hate to be that way, not with our friendship.

-- Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:47 pm --

And thank you Shaeff as well I hadn't read your response when I wrote back.

Shaeff wrote:Ps: 15 years older than you is not weird to be good friends with someone!! Two of my closest friends are probably more than that older than me!

that's good to know I always wonder if people think I'm weird about that one!

Shaeff wrote: I doubt very, very much that this will come between you. I truly truly do. This guy is a huge part of your life, and I truly would not expect someone who has been such a support to you is going to turn around and say 'right, well, if thats the case then im off!' Admittedly I'm making big assumptions based on what you've said, both here and before, but it sounds like he didn't come into your life with this intention immediately, and that things have grown naturally over time?

This gives me so much hope. Thank you.

dividedtruth89 wrote: I guess now it's just gonna be ME and whether or not I have the ability to keep my cool with this new knowledge. Cuz I know I'm probably gonna start to seem distant, and I hate to be that way, not with our friendship.

That's the difficult thing really. If he wants more, is he able to accept that there is never going to be more or is he going to continue hoping and leading a life trying to change your mind?

I'm glad your session was so productive. She does seem really intune with you which is great.

Bourbon

I just spoke with him on the phone, and since we always discuss my sessions together, I told him about how I made a sandtray with him in it He thought it was pretty interesting, lol. I guess now it's just gonna be ME and whether or not I have the ability to keep my cool with this new knowledge. Cuz I know I'm probably gonna start to seem distant, and I hate to be that way, not with our friendship.

It sounds like T, helped out alot. That's awesome! Hopefully, your friendship will return to the way is was. *crossing fingers*