confronted mom. So hurt and confused. :'(

Borg wrote:Ugh. eventually those who lie trip themselves up, I think that's why they don't like you digging, cause they have to keep their story straight. this is where I like aspd people more, they lie just to lie, so it's easier.

Do you really think all ASPD (anti-social personality disorder) people are that dumb? And do you really think people *other* than anti-socials don't do that kind of thing? What you're describing is called pathological lying, and tends to be compulsive. You are very much correct that those who lie a lot eventually trip themselves up in their own web of lies due to all the inconsistencies that necessarily develop when a person makes up stories and attempts to adapt them on the fly to fit the needs of various different situations that often call for different details or emphasis. The best liar is the person who is abnormally open and honest most of the time, and who lies only when there is something worth his or her while (including benefits to others, such as protecting a loved one).

The is no requirement for an ASPD person to be a pathological liar, and one reason it is common in this disorder, is that these people are not emotionally invested in their lies, so they are unafraid and unashamed of exposure. However, for the very same reason, they can be honest and open about things that normal people would not only never have the guts to say to anyone, but would also be exceptionally incapable of even admitting to themselves. I have very special experiences when it comes to being honest with oneself, and I think this is one of the most valuable characteristics any person can have, and a great advantage in life, as we are capable of knowing so much more, and therefore being able so see all kind of truths that other will never see, and would refuse to contemplate if they were to be suggested to them in plan English.

It is obvious to me that at least of my alters lie to me on a regular basis, but I do believe they always have their reasons. Still, it is quite frustrating, and I nag at them and beg them to be more truthful rather frequently. I am always honest with them, so it is difficult to understand why they are so careless about truthfulness in their communications with me. I recognise the usefulness of many of their lies, and they have taught me a lot through their deceptive practices. For example, I am extremely skeptical as a result, and I'm very open to changing my mind in response to new information, because when one is exposed to frequent lies, one has to adapt such a stance so as to quickly correct the lies upon finding out the truth. The truth comes out simply as a result of time (they promise something on Tuesday? On Tuesday, I necessarily find out the truth. Their lies have taught me to handle disappointments better.). This skepticism combined with open-mindedness makes me most remarkable and unique, and I think this is one of their reasons to keep up their games. As a system of autonomous intelligences with different characteristics we are so much stronger and more powerful as a result of our differences and complementing strengths and talents.

dividedtruth89 wrote:Thanks borg It's been a rough day but not related to this. I talked more to him last night and he explained some more about the whole thing. I didn't realize that it was a "she left" type situation. I thought that he at least knew she was going. He told me he came home from work and the babysitter was with my sister and me. He said I started crying really bad after about 2 days My mom hasn't called me at all since I spoke with her...thank goodness.

Sometimes I think I do this kind of thing on purpose. To be honest, I guess I'm trying to see how far I can push her before she finally disowns me again. This time I won't run after her.

Just from my outsider/just reading your words view, it sounds like your dad is the one to trust on the situation.

Your mom said she was gone a month and a bunch of other things trying to make your dad look bad.

Your dad says "she was gone three months, I thought, IDK, I will look into it. But I came home and she wasn't there and then after a few days she still didn't show."

Also just on the fact that your mom is all defensive and your dad is willing to discuss it and all. In theory they could both be lying, they could both be telling their own truth, but from my view point, I would trust the dad more than the mom.

Sounds like your life might be better without your mom in it for a while. I recently cut my mother out of my life. My father has been cut out since I was 15 or 16. Things go better for me that way.

people are that dumb?

I said easier.

these people are not emotionally invested in their lies, so they are unafraid and unashamed of exposure.

=easier.
If you have a problem with what I said PM me.
NEway, big enough thread drift for my taste and I digress.
I wish an calm and uneventful day, unless it's winning the lotto or something cool.

To me the thing i feel worse about, when i read all of this is how cruel it is for a parent to b so hurtful as to want a child to think ill of their other parent. But then alot of people r so messed up and thats why we r dissociated n the first place. What comes up for me is the need for well, defined boundaries. I dont believe the boundaries can come before the healing it takes to put them n place though. If it was me i would have to set down a boundary especially for ur mother, "U will not say anything negative to me about my father."
I am so sorry this is going on 4 u. I also realize like everyone else is saying, what an impact things that r said can have on us, as well as distorting effects on r memory. One thing 4 sure, ur mind holds the truth, and everything that has happened to u. Have u thought about trying to get court records?
One thing i have found to b very helpful is n letting peace b my umpire. Whatever will bring u the most peace is what i would do. And that often involves setting firm boundaries. Even n thinking about what we r thinking about. U r the boss of ur mind cause its urs. What we think about grows and effects r moods. Some things just really need time to b sorted out so try to b patient with urself. I think u r doing great under the circumstances. Peace

Dear dividedtruth89,
I read everyones post and here is my view. Your mom and dad may both telling the truth but from their viewpoint. Time also changes memories. I find what is the main thread in both sides is the truth. The brain remembers actual events, that is why when the story changes it is more then likely a lie BUT there may be some details that may have been forgotten and when remembered change the story. At this point I feel what your family has said in the past should be noted(written down), compared with what others have said. Make a different timeline for everyone's account of the events and compare, make one for yourself too, from what you remember. Become a detective, collect all info and reserve your conclusion of who is telling the truth for later. Stop the guilt, clear your head and look at this with an outsider's view....keep your heart out until YOU can draw your own conclusions. Talk to everyone involved but DO NOT set your HEART on anything it is way too soon. Gather ALL the evidence you can,look at the past behaviors of everyone and the present behaviors in day to day living. There are habits and moral codes that everyone follows that are there and influence their view of events in daily life that you can connect to the past: example: My sister's favorite pastime is to be outside. My sister tells me she went swimming today. I never have known her to swim before but, I can safely believe her story of going swimming, because I know she likes to be outside, Even though I have never seen her swim before in the past. A tigers' spots do not change much over the years, do you understand what I am saying. The most important thing is to save yourself from more heartache and keep yourself safe and secure in reality.
I am a person that has endured some of the things you have and have sisters involved as well. I have suffered much at the hands of others. I have found for me it is best to keep the worst offenders away from me. Try to keep the water you are swimming in clear so you can see your way to the other side. You must filter out the crap and keep your sanity for your mental health and happiness...no one can do this for you but you. We can help.

mmscandy
I think that is great advise. I really like the idea of being a detective. We have an element of the n us. It sure is good to have! Thanks, ur post helped us as well.

Postby dividedtruth89 » Sun Nov 06, 2011 10:21 pm
I don't get it. I don't understand. I don't know who to believe anymore. I love Daddy so much and I don't want to believe the things my mom says about him, but then again, why would she lie??? Her side of the story(of many stories) is so different from my Dad's side of 'stories'. Stories I feel I have heard my whole life, ever since I can remember, which would 5 years old.

Narcissists lie all the time. Look up narcissist mothers, see if the description fits.

I wonder if there is a way you could somehow access either the police records, or child protection records? It may give you a better idea of what actually happened.

Your mother may hate your father and be spilling out lies, but that doesn't mean there isn't some basis in truth. Maybe he was abusive?

Your father could be preying on your hope/love/need for a father figure and using that to his advantage. How well do you actually know your father?

Persons or Entities Allowed Access to Records

Most jurisdictions permit certain persons access to registry and department records. In general, these people have a direct interest in a case, in the child's welfare, or in providing protective or treatment services. Many statutes specifically describe who may access the records and under what circumstances. Typically, persons entitled to access are physicians; researchers; police; judges and other court personnel; the person who is the subject of a report; a person who was an alleged child victim; and the parent, guardian, or guardian ad litem of an alleged victim who is a minor.

dividedtruth89 wrote:Just the mere fact that he doesn't get defensive and angry like my mom, I think, says who I can trust in this and most situations. When I visit my grandmother, I know I will probably get better proof, since I know she has pictures, etc, possibly with dates. I'm gonna try to not let it bother me for now.

That is not true. Don't fall for that. One is telling the truth, but you cant tell by this. Some people simply are more emotional or others are less.

Unrelated.. but was just thinking...
This is so interesting. Our level headed Divided ...... is confused when things are too close. I suppose this is why we have a group like this so we can talk it out and get others opinions.

Dear Alln1,
I am happy we could be of assistance to you. We have received a lot of help from here as well.