confronted mom. So hurt and confused. :'(

dividedtruth89 wrote:Just the mere fact that he doesn't get defensive and angry like my mom, I think, says who I can trust in this and most situations.

I would also go for that. There is no reason for someone to be angry at another searching the truth. Unless there is something to hide.

There is also many other things that make the accusation almost unbelievable. First, it is only circumstantial evidence and the main witness, your sister, says it is not true. She should know.

Then you look at past behavior. Who left and who stayed. In other words, who is more reliable.

And finally the motive. Is there a motive for the accusation? And the answer is yes, child custody.

So you are dealing with an accusation based on fantasy that has a motive. I think the answer is pretty clear, unless there are better evidence.

I actually have a friend that is in a similar situation as your mother. In her case, she actually lost custody (which is pretty rare for a woman). She makes accusations against her former husband and also against the judge, who she says is part of a vast conspiracy of judges taking away children due to religious intolerance (she is Christian).

I think she actually believes her stories to some degree. She sounds very convincing. But then again, she also happen to be an actor, so...
She even says something like: "my life is my art". Or something like that.

Anyway, the case is not farfetched. Those things happen.
Hope you well, dividedtruth.

Tungsten wrote: She makes accusations against her former husband and also against the judge, who she says is part of a vast conspiracy of judges taking away children due to religious intolerance (she is Christian).

I think she actually believes her stories to some degree. She sounds very convincing. But then again, she also happen to be an actor, so...

lol, sounds just like my mom, right down to the actor $#%^.

I am so sick and tired of her games. She left me a long voicemail talking about some news story, which I suspect she was trying to compare to our own situation. I called her back and left her the same kind of weak, walk all over me message that I usually leave. Ugh.

I am so sick and tired of her games. She left me a long voicemail talking about some news story, which I suspect she was trying to compare to our own situation. I called her back and left her the same kind of weak, walk all over me message that I usually leave. Ugh.

If your mother was the or a primary cause of your dissociative disorder, and I believe she was based on everthing you said, continuing to leave wide-open access for her cannot help but continue to be triggering. Not only that, her manipulations and what appear to be lies work against your re-building of your health. Escaping an abusive environment is one of the most important thing to do for anyone who suffered abuse. You've already said that you wished she would cut ties with you. If this is true, you may want to ask yourself why you're not cutting ties or limiting contact with her? I'm not saying you must do either, and certainly not permanently, but becoming more conscious of why you yourself aren't doing that will likely uncover fears or other emotions that you are at the effect of but which you don't fully recognize you're being controlled by.

trigger...





My Father tortured me, sexually abused me, let others abuse me and hurt me, hurt me in so many ways but would never ever act defensive. He never acted angry. He was always calm and in control.

My Mother tried to stop the abuse at times, but at the same time was insecure, possessive, jealous and a host of other feelings she could not control. She would act defensive. She is/was emotional.

As someone once said to me... it's not that she hates you. She hates what she did to you, even though it appears she hates you. And she hates what she let happen to you.

Oh wow there were a whole bunch of posts that I didn't even notice till now! Thank you all so much. MMScandy, I like your advice about the detective thing. I did the whole detective thing last April, and it caused some major ruckus in my system. I let my heart get in the way way too much. This is when I was trying to figure out my own truth about what happened 12 years ago, i.e., 'was my dad sexually abusive or not?' I have come to my own understanding that the truth was manipulated in many ways. I did a LOT of research on Richard Gardner's theory of Parental Alienation Syndrome, and I believe that this is what happened to me. LOL I still haven't returned all those books to the library.

It's a big help that my Dad keeps ALL legal documents, and is always willing to show me EVERYTHING. We sat down and looked at the court stuff from when I was 10, but it was way too triggering for me. I really have no desire to look up whether or not my mom called CPS on him. At this point, it is irrelevant. She could have called CPS on him and made a million false allegations, but since nothing has ever been proven in any of her allegations, I doubt this one would be any different.

TRIGGER-rape/violence talk.

Another one of my mom's stories is that my Dad raped her with a gun, when I was like 1. My dad has kept every bit of legal documentation about this as well, and we were looking at it, but again it was too triggering.

END TRIGGER

Therapy has helped me to understand that there is no way to prove my mothers' stories false. I choose to believe my Dad though. Unlike my mom, he has been consistent when it comes to his loving and caring for me, even when we were estranged, he was always trying to make contact, even hiring a private investigator to find us when my mom up and moved us across the country(looked at evidence of that too, she was supposed to stay for more court stuff, but we ended up driving to and fro for that since we had already moved)

Greatexpectations wrote:Narcissists lie all the time. Look up narcissist mothers, see if the description fits.

I do sometimes think this could be it. My dad said 'who knows, maybe she did call CPS, but I certainly never knew about it!'

tylas wrote:This is so interesting. Our level headed Divided ...... is confused when things are too close. I suppose this is why we have a group like this so we can talk it out and get others opinions.

Lol it's nice to know that I can be thought of as 'levelheaded!'

I should explain that I am in no way saying who is to blame - your Mother of Father.

I just am pointing out that what seems to be is not always what is. Keep your mind open.

Abusers are DANG tricky!

tylas wrote:I should explain that I am in no way saying who is to blame - your Mother of Father.

I just am pointing out that what seems to be is not always what is. Keep your mind open.

Abusers are DANG tricky!

Thanks Tylas