DID and sleep (or a lack there of)

I only sleep around 4-6 hours per night. I usually have somethng warm to drink and then fall back asleep. It isn't the greatest but it's how I am now. I skeep a couple of hours, then wake up. This goes on during the entire night. Finally my body decides to just stay awake and I have to just be satisfied with whatever sleep I get.

Kathy

especially when I am stressed.

In an ordinary day, I will carry on and start feeling sleepy around 8:00-9:00PM. Then 10:00PM comes on and a part of me jolts wide awake. I feel watchful, like I have to be on the lookout for "something" that I am not sure which. I have some flashbacks about childhood when my bed shook, I'd be scared into silence, and then watch a pink monster walking away from my bed leaving me shaken.

Sleeping pills haven't helped. What helps is having someone I trust around me. My xh was very good at that. So long as he was around, I could sleep, but now that we've been separated for two years, it's been H*ll. Multiple sleeping pills haven't helped.

Most recently I had to go to the emergency shrink ward because I was disintergrating so badly, and ended up on Paxil and Klonopin. My xh also stepped in to help me sleep till I stabilized.

What I am trying to do now is to go to the mirror and talk to the scared face looking back at me. I tell her we are safe now, miles and years away from whatever bad things took place and it's ok to sleep. I also speak directly to my fear, and love "it" since it has a place in my life, though I'd rather it showed up when I really am in danger. My therapist thinks this is a good self help strategy.

Other than that I am forcing myself to go to the gym and doing some heavy lifting. IF my body is physicallly tired, I will have no choice but to drop off!!!!!

Peace to you!

LS

HEY NIGHT OWLS,

I HAVE A LOT OF TROUBLE SLEEPING.THAT'S WHY I'M UP NOW AT 3:00AM. I LIKE THE IDEA, ABOUT STAYING AWAKE AT NIGHT TO AVOID NIGHTMARES, AND SLEEPING DURING THE DAY TO AVOID LIFE. I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY, I BET YOU'RE RIGHT!

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP I SLEPT UNDER THE BED, WITH A KNIFE AND BASEBALL BAT, FOR PROTECTION. I THOUGHT, IF I WAS UNDER THE BED, NOBODY COULD GET ON TOP OF ME. I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW, THANK GOODNESS! BUT STILL FIND MY SELF SLEEPING UNDER THE BED IF I'M EXPERIENCING A LOT OF NIGHTMARES AND BAD MEMORIES.

I'D LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH INTERGRATION. I'VE LIVED WITH MULTIPAL PERSONALITIES AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER (I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL). LAST TIME I SAW MY SHINK, HE ASKED ME, IF I WANTED HIM TO SET ME UP WITH SOMEONE THAT SPECIALISES IN (DID). AT THE TIME I WAS IN ONE OF THOSE BAD "MOODS" THAT DOSEN'T WANT HELP FROM ANYONE. LATER, I KEPT FEELING LIKE I COULDN'T LIVE ANOTHER MINUET THE WAY THINGS ARE NOW. IT GOES BACK AND FORTH, THEY ALL HAVE A STRONG ARGUEMENT.

I'VE HAD DIFFICULTY COPING EVER SINCE MY BEST FRIEND DIED IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT. A WEEK LATER MY MOM HAD A STOKE, AND ALMOST DIED. BEFORE THAT, SHE HAD BEEN SUFFERING WITH ALZHIEMERS. I FOUND A GREAT PLACE FOR HER, WHERE I KNOW SHE'S BEING WELL TAKEN CARE OF, AND VISIT OFTEN. SOME DAYS I'M SO ANGERY WITH HER I CAN'T BARE TO GO SEE HER. OTHER TIMES I MISS BEING ABLE TO TALK TO HER AS A FRIEND (ESPECIALLY SINCE I'VE LOST MY BEST FRIEND). THE CHILD IN ME IS STILL EMOTIONALLY CO-DEPENDENT , AND THE REBEL LONGS TO BE LIBERATED.

IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS! A SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND, AA, AND THERAPY, IS THE ONLY THING THAT IS KEEPING ME FROM COMING UNGLUED. I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN, BUT FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE STILL GETTING WORSE. I GUESS I SHOULD TRY WORKING WITH THE SPECIALIST. IT MIGHT HELP. I'M NOT IN A GOOD PLACE RIGHT NOW, AND NOT TOO SURE I CAN TRUST MY SELF.

I SURE WOULD APPRECIATE ANY FEED BACK,

BENNY

I only can't sleep when I'm all caffinated up. Thus, decaf iced tea and no sugared up $#%^ before I go to sleep. Sure, I can sleep fine now (for the most part), except my body gets no rest cuz around 4am, Frank is up and about. Hurray.

Funny, the idea of integration. I don't really want to become one with my "dark side"; in fact, I wish I could subdue him. It is so full of raw, primitive emotions that accepting him into me would most probably destroy me.

I can't sleep either. No meds help, black label or not. And I think it's quite possible that he (Blackbody, that is - that's the name it chose) is keeping both of us awake to save us from harm. I wasn't abused physically or sexually as a child, but my father is a very angry person, and when I was young we all used to walk on eggs to keep him from bursting at us. I had to be on my guard all the time, and actually lived in fear. So I guess Black is still under the impression that sleeping is dangerous and wil not give in to it.

As a result, I am tired every day. And when I do sleep, the slightest sound will wake me up. I wish I could offer more help; this far, the best I have managed to find out is that playing pc games, or doing anything that will take your mind completely off reality, helps a lot. Black becomes absorbed and kind of "spaces out" for a while, thus allowing me to have some sleep. But it's a daily battle, really.

Oh I know this game far too well. The problem is I like getting up really early and Ava likes being up all night. We both tend to get what we want but thats b/c most of the time sleep doesn't interrupt. It's as if I am in the transition of sleep and she's tossing and turning wiether it's wanting a cig, listening to the ipod, or wanting to go do something fun. Before I know it, the sun is out and REM sleep is something I didnt get familiar with at any point between the sun going down and coming up. She is high functioning on little to no sleep and I may as well be a zombie if I get less than 5 hrs. Ambien doesn't work in the slightest. Nor does anything else. Maybe it'll go away someday. The worst is when she does decide to sleep after a few nights in a row of not, and idk if its a break in the cycle or what have you, but we both wind up in such a deep,albeit short, sleep we don't hear the alarm sometimes and end up being late. So I set 3 alarms if she's somehow tired after many sleepless nights. No cure in sight really which is why its almost 2:30 now and I'm typing this. Sweet dreams everyone! (when they come)

This is an old post, but I could really resonate it. My sleep schedule is TOTALLY out of control. I've always struggled with it, but right now it's the worst it has ever been. I'm wondering if different aspects are waking up and/or going to sleep, as the switches between sleep and wakefulness have been rather sudden and don't seem to be related to how much sleep I have gotten. I've gone from 14-18 hours of sleep a couple of weeks ago to four - six hours. Neither "works." And the time of sleep has nothing to do with the sun.

I also have long felt (for decades) that it wasn't safe to sleep at night. I feel much safer sleeping in the day. But I haven't recovered my memories enough to be sure what happened.