Feeling unbalanced and have questions

This is my first day here and I don't want to feel alone anymore, like I'm a freak or something. My doctor says I'm normal and that if he went through what I went through, he would have "split" too. But he dosent deal with my day to day hell's. He dosent feel what I feel daily and he dosent see the shadows and "demons"( a lack for a better word).... Now I have to deal with feelings of unbalances, like walking, I stumble and when I drive I feel small as if I don't know how too. My boyfriend (very supportive and has gone through hell with me and with them) Darren (my bf) talks daily with my alters, more than my doc does lol but they've know Darren longer. I may be all over the place here and for that I'm sorry but this is my mind set lol... I have been having a hard time being a DID/MPD I was diagnosed professionally in may of this year (2011) I still fight it sometimes as I feel so limited and dumb (to which my doc says each alter knows how to do certain things. Its not my fault and that people with DID/MPD are considered HIGHLY intelligent.)

In total I have 26 alters, I can now tell (by emotion) who's going to come out, they sometimes just appear but I'm usually co-conscious with them as they know I don't like giving up control and they complain I'm strong that way. Only three people in my life know and it breaks my heart knowing they have to keep this secret and carry this "burden" (again a lack for a better word)from people in my life. They know I don't trust any one , that my alters especially Jade will manipulate to break them down just to see if they really care for me and wont betray me. also to see if they really love me... I have walked away from most of my family... all actually..unless I have to deal with them.

They blame me for things and they (my former family) betrayed me without guilt and then try to act like nothing happened when they want me around...I have the ability to read body language and micro expressions, I do have a well developed intuition to the point were I can litterly feel if a person is bad, good or a threat...that I feel there vibrations/energies...I'm also very good at tarot to which my bf says I'm spot on lol and the good/bad part, is ALL my alters know how to do this as well. Does anyone feel this way like can you get easily overstimulated like I can? how do you cope with it? what re your alters like with those you love? how may people know? I just want to talk and feel like I can actually belong. Is this a good place to start?

Probably the Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum would be better for alters.

Hiya and welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling a bit at the moment. I think you will feel much less alone being here.

I have moved your post to the DID forum so that you can talk to people in a similar situation here...

This is a very good place to start. You will find many people here who have similar experiences.

You are not alone. ANd you are certainly not a freak!

I'm a tad confused... your doctor said you're " normal" but this is the same Doc that diagnosed you with DID , right? So he's saying it's "normal" to have DID following your past experiences?

I'm co-conscious the majority of the time too, and for the reason you state: I need that control. I need to always have a small touch on reality to know what is going on.

How many people know? Erm... well I only talk to two friends about it, and my partner.

What are my alters like with those I love? Well, some are friendly with them, some are neutral, some dislike them... a whole mixture.

I hope you find some company here that helps you feel less alone. Welcome.

Bourbon

Hi! Care to pull up a chair, the coffee is warm, help yourself, and Welcome to the forum.

Does anyone feel this way like can you get easily overstimulated like I can? Yup.
what re your alters like with those you love? I walked away from my parents, most of my extended family, put 2 sisters on email/snail mail contact only, one sister is Kids, love. DH, love or hate, depends, it can be rocky but we're working on our triggers.(His and ours)
how may people know? DH and T?. I'm sure DS, out of place accents are hard to cover up.
gotta run, bye.

Hey, and welcome to the forums.. I can see you're having it pretty rough right now. I hope things will start looking up a bit for you. Just keep your eyes open for the light at the end of your dark tunnel..

Does it feel like I get over stimulated?
Erm... I... Don't know how to answer that question to be honest ^^;; I guess I could answer yes, as a safe guess, but I have so much trouble shifting through my own thoughts and emotions that I don't really pay attention to stuff like that anymore..
Back when I first realized I have DID (I haven't been in therapy, so I'm not diagnosed, I found out on my own...) I would feel like I was getting over stimulated, so I can relate a bit, but lately something like that seems so.. Unimportant? Useless? I don't know the right word for it. Sorry v..v''

What are my Alters like around the one I love?
Now.. Just as a lot of people with DID would say.. It's been very rocky.. Back when I met my ex (keep in mind that this was all long distance), he seemed to be alright with it, considering he's a Multiple too, and he would even talk with the Alters he liked. I'm not going to lie, one of my Alters and one of his also had a thing going on as well. Anyways. In the past year, he started to despise Alters. And I mean DESPISE. The thought of them either made him go into a rage or throw up. So... Now he's in therapy to try and help with his problems and whatnot, and I have to pretend that my Alters don't exists. So yeah... It's been hard not being able to ask him for support on the biggest part of my life..

How many people know?
I've told my closest friend, my ex best friend, I've tried to tell my parents, but they don't believe, and my ex. My closest friend also told her boyfriend.. I wasn't too happy about that, but oh well I guess..

And if you ever need someone to talk to, I try to get on every day, and I'm a pretty good listener, so you can drop me a PM any time you feel alone.

Welcome! I joined this site for the same reasons, I was tired of feeling alone and as if I was a freak or something. You're definitely not alone here, and you're certainly not a freak. I hope you find this place helpful, and again, welcome!

hi! *waves* i hope being here helps you feel not so alone! my name's cassie and i just wanted to say hi.