New voice, not sure what to make of it

So, after waking up today, I thought I heard my teen alter, L.C., muttering and swearing about something. I couldn't make out what she was muttering about, since I could only make out a few swear words here and there. But when I looked into it, it wasn't L.C. It was a voice I'd never heard before, because it sounded almost exactly like L.C. except she didn't stutter. I don't think this voice realized I could hear her, and she didn't seem to hear me or any of my alters, since we tried talking to her. I brushed it off, thinking it might be my newly resurfaced alter, Rebel. Tonight, however, L.C. told me that the voice doesn't sound like Rebel's voice, and that she highly doubts it is Rebel. I've been feeling rather detached all day, and have been having a hard time staying "here". I'll have flashbacks of 8th grade, not bad flashbacks, just seemingly regular memories. There's seconds where I'll be completely confused as to where I am and what I'm doing. And I'll have flashes of feeling like I'm not myself. Like, the clothes I'm wearing aren't mine and my hair isn't mine, that type of thing. One of the most common flashbacks is where I was tying string around my finger to make it turn purple, because a male friend of mine was doing the same thing. At one point in time, my boyfriend caught me "tying" an invisible string around my finger, and when he asked what I was doing I simply stated, "I'm trying to make my finger turn purple". I'm starting to wonder if this new voice is from the 8th grade time period. What confuses me is L.C. is also originally from that time period, and both she and I thought she was the only one.

If she is indeed from the 8th grade time period, I'm wondering what brought her forward. Recently, I reconnected with an old friend from 8th grade. He and I were close until 10th grade, when he suddenly moved and I lost contact with him. He found me while we were on the same max train one day, and we've been hanging out a lot lately and catching up. Since L.C. was prominent during 8th grade, she knows him best and has started to have romantic feelings for him. I went by a completely different name in 8th grade, Kyra, and this friend still calls me by it. He's the only one who does now. What I'm beginning to wonder is if the name Kyra is actually another alter, and that's who the voice belongs to. Most of 8th grade is fuzzy for me, and not because of L.C. being prominent. I'm even wondering if Kyra was the originally split from me, and if L.C. was a split off of Kyra.

I have to stop typing now though, because I suddenly feel like I've said too much and am feeling really distant from myself. I don't feel like I'm myself...I don't feel like Cassandra is my name, I don't identify with it...is this what's going to go on every time something/someone from my past literally catches up with me? Because I'm not liking this... I thought I had my system well figured out, Lynn and Rebel were enough new additions to deal with... Sorry, I don't mean to rant. I just feel like the world that I built up through therapy and getting to know myself is crashing down on me, and since I still hadn't picked up all the pieces from the first time my world crashed, I feel like I'm only falling more and more behind.... Again, sorry for ranting/rambling.

Hey tomboy, I'm very sorry that you feel like everything is crashing down on you. Indeed discovering a new alter, especially when in your case where things like time loss seem to be a significan issue, must be pretty confusing.
I've gotten the thing before where I don't feel like my name is my own...In fact I still don't think of my name as my own...but I guess I've gotten so used to it I just don't care anymore, probably not a good thing. I'm glad you're recognizing these feelings for what they are.
Your suspicions that the new alter might be Kyra from 8th grade sound legitimate. I would definitely go at it assuming this, and see what happens.
I know this all seems like a whole new can of worms to open up, but I hope you can look at it in a better light soon, and see it as a whole new side of yourself that you can now get to know. She might be the missing link(or one of the missing links) to why your system was already feeling pretty jumbled recently. Maybe now that you are aware of her, your system will begin to cool down. If she's anything like I was in 8th grade...she could be hurting pretty deeply, so I hope you can(and I know you will) help her work through whatever is upsetting her. How different my life might have been had I had a friend like you in 8th grade! I know you can be that friend for her.

Hugs if you want them, feel better soon.
-L

Hi tomboy,

It throws me into array too when I come to learn of another one. I too end up in a sort of crisis mode of constant depersonalisation/derealisation whilst I try and find stability again with another addition to the family.

The world you built up in therapy isn't crashing down on you, you are just being handed another piece of the puzzle, like divided said.

I hope you are feeling calmer, you are not falling behind, you are right here with all of us still. Every step you take is a closer step to finding healing and contentment.

Bourbon

Hey Tomboy,

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so badly. I recognize a lot of what you're saying because my GF felt the exact same way when she found out she had another alter. It can be very scary and it's normal for you to have all these feelings. It's ok to just rant to us on here. I know I haven't been on here much but I felt I should respond to your post. The best thing you can do - in my opinion- is try to welcome the new voice as you would a new friend. Make her feel safe and tell her you're ok with her being there. Like someone already said: she might be the missing link. Your friend from 8th grade being in your life a lot again might have triggered her to come forward. This is how it works with most alters that have been "away" and the system wasn't aware off. It just means they went so far into the unconsciousness that they had no connection with the outside world or even with the other alters. It could very well be that with this new alter in your system - when you've all adapted to having her around - things will get a lot more stable. It could also be that a lot questions will be answered.

Tell her that you are scared and that you don't what to do but that you would like to get to know her and help her if she needs something. That you are in this together and you will protect her from now on. Get to know her like you would anyone else and things will be just fine. As long as you tell her how you feel and accept her for who she is, everything will be just fine.

It's ok to feel the way you do. It is scary but everything will be ok. Your system will figure things out on it's own.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement, it definitely made me feel a lot better about a possible "new" alter. I guess I'm mainly just frustrated. I thought I had everything figured out and stabilized, and then up pops Lynn. Then Rebel. And now a new voice? It makes me wonder how many more there are, especially since I thought I'd found all the puzzle pieces. But then again life's famous for throwing curve balls every now and then, and I just have to roll with the punches. I will keep trying to talk to her, though she doesn't seem to be able to hear me and I've stopped hearing her voice for now. I'm going to see that same friend tonight, so I wonder if she'll be triggered by him. He knows about my DID, so at least he'd be understanding if I lost time or something. I'll definitely keep an eye on how I feel and what my thoughts/emotions are like around him. 8th grade was a pretty bad year for me, so I have no doubt that she'd be hurting, and hope I can help her with that soon. It's just slightly stressing to have Rebel, who last remembers summer of 2009, and then to have this new voice possibly be stuck in the earlier time of 8th grade. I hope I can bring both of them "home" soon. Thanks for the hugs, too. They are appreciated.