Alters as representations

Then at least 2 of us in here like that same info. oops!

So, I am a representation of Bourbon's sister and that's where I came from?

~Poppi~

I think I shouldn't say anything in this thread since I didn't read the theoretical stuff properly, and these are just my assumptions anyway . If alters are representations of real life persons, it doesn't mean that they are copies. I just have to say this because R is based on a real person, but from the very start he was different from that person in many ways. I've figured out that the real person had certain qualities that made it possible for R to step forward and start expressing himself and the feelings he brought into my consciousness.

But I don't know about the thing about alters being representations of family. If a person has 129 alters and 2 family members, how the hell could 129 persons be based on two?

Mine aren't representaion of real life persons. "I" represents a Left 4 Dead hunter. "Me" is the same, but with the witch's hair. The Core represents 343 Guilty Sparks and "Myself" reflects my Tony Hawk underground avatar.

One of my alters, X, could be a representation of my dad. I was reading the thread about not hearing things, and started to think about a friend of mine and why X hates her.

The more I learn about DID, the more I've started to wonder if the above mentioned friend of mine has it.
She has been very much as if she can't hear/is unable to listen on a few occasions when she has been upset and down. That is, if you try to speak about something else than her problems.
She also has a habit to talk in a tiny little girl's voice whenever her mother calls, and I've seen also other type of switches in her personality.
We actually use several nicknames for each other, we invent new roles and nicknames and interact a lot using those roles. It all comes naturally, it just happens.

Unfortunately somehow my unique friendship with her has been thoroughly poisoned by X due to his repugnance towards this particular friend. X hates weakness and dependency and grown up people behave like helpless children, and therefore we're extremely divided about her. In X's opinion, she uses people, and us, by relying on their help and attention like a little child. X finds her close relationship with her mother particularly annoying, because the mother feeds the dependent little child quality in her. Therefore I've started to avoid her and invent excuses not to see her.

X's inner attitude towards her is very much like my dad was towards me. I used to think that dad didn't see me as a person, but as some sort of extension of my mum. He regarded all the women in our family with deep contempt. I believe that dad was a narcissist. X is very much like him. He also thinks that women are physically and sexually disgusting. He has violent impulses that among other things play on the screen of my mind as imagined and detailed scenes where I attack people.

I feel helpless and sad because of this. I'm also afraid that members of this forum don't want to interact with me ever since I told about X. I mentioned in another post that always after X has been active, someone here panics and fears rejection a lot. Apparently revealing these things also triggers this pattern. Actually I'm not sure anymore who panics. X is very strong in my thinking and I haven't found any other solution than to reduce social contacts.

They don't not want to interact with you, it's just your alter can cause triggers.

Well Kheo Dofh, I hope you're right. Maybe it's more usual to have others who persecute strictly within the system instead of those who are pissed off because of actual other people, namely the ones who become close to us. It's complicated because I kind of enjoy it when X starts to influence my thoughts, he notices so many details and is good at predicting what people do and say next. Usually there's conflict too because I disapprove of him, and only rarely he gets to sneak out when I'm not aware.

As strange as it may sound I think that on some level we enjoy the inner conflicts he causes. The aftermath is the hardest part, even when it's all inside.

under ice wrote:I think I shouldn't say anything in this thread since I didn't read the theoretical stuff properly, and these are just my assumptions anyway . If alters are representations of real life persons, it doesn't mean that they are copies. I just have to say this because R is based on a real person, but from the very start he was different from that person in many ways. I've figured out that the real person had certain qualities that made it possible for R to step forward and start expressing himself and the feelings he brought into my consciousness.

But I don't know about the thing about alters being representations of family. If a person has 129 alters and 2 family members, how the hell could 129 persons be based on two?

Of course they are not copies. They are how a young child interpreted them. My fathers representative is a Gorilla. That is how I saw him when I was young I suppose. But then I have not read this stuff yet either, but I want to!

-- Sun Sep 18, 2011 1:12 pm --

under ice wrote: I'm also afraid that members of this forum don't want to interact with me ever since I told about X.

If you can't be honest on an anonymous DID forum and say what you really feel, then that is bad! I know a couple of people here freak out about things, but they freak out about almost everything and to me that is what is annoying!

I don't think you have anything to worry about! Most here totally understand and empathize with you!

Yes indeed Tylas, they are interpretations. So just in case this word 'representation' or how it is explained makes anyone feel like their alters are being made as something less and something that only imitates real people, I think it's important to understand that when we use elements of reality to create something new, it's like art. The process and the outcome outgrows the original model or models.

I want to say something about R and X just to clarify things. The difference between them is that R used a real person's name and face, basically his looks and some other superficial things that I knew of that person, to appear to me. Probably because I knew the story of this person and felt symapthy, it was a psychologically safe way to introduce an insider then.
X on the other hand, he doesn't look anything like my dad but his personality and interaction has same traits. And the rest of us, maybe we're still dreaming of being friends with dad? Who knows.

-- Sun Sep 18, 2011 9:23 pm --

tylas wrote:If you can't be honest on an anonymous DID forum and say what you really feel, then that is bad! I know a couple of people here freak out about things, but they freak out about almost everything and to me that is what is annoying!

I don't think you have anything to worry about! Most here totally understand and empathize with you!

Thanks.