*religion triggers* um...they co-exist?

From reading something on another thread, we're now confused. Not that this is unusual.

Our internal system is kind of confusing. But the parts we're focused on for this is a few:

dreamer is a guardian angel. In fact, when I get scared a lot, I will imagine her wrapping me up in her arms and her wings enfolding everything. This feels REALLY silly, but it works to make the scary thoughts/images go away. I can't actually talk to her, though...she's our internal protector, I guess? She protects a few of our most hurt insiders, and keeps another one where she can't hurt anyone...

Which leads us to the confusion. We have a "little" insider named Lolly [her full name is Lolita Grace]. Someone wrote at some point that she was actually the angel of grace, but she had been broken. From what I've figured out, I think where I went to church and God to try and make the abuse stop, she went the opposite route. As now she considers herself a d*mon and lives Below.

She actually has a full-time guardian who stops her from doing anything bad or getting out, and another (Devon, who has labeled herself soul guardian and d*mon hunter...?!) stops her, too...and so does dreamer...

But how can we have a guardian angel on one hand and a d*mon on the other? Unless she's not really a d*mon, just calls herself that? She seems really manipulative inside, so I guess anything is possible? She looks like a doll almost, like really cute and sweet-looking until you look into her eyes...her eyes look dead.

It's just confusing now how we can have like...the embodiment of good protecting us on one hand and a d*mon inside on the other.

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

I'm going to steal from the logic in another thread, another poster...

The "demons", in my opinion, are really just scared children, like school bullies who have so much pain inside that they place it on others. So that "demon" part you have...maybe he or she really believes it's a demon because it's been TOLD such.

TRIGGER WARNING-vivid memory of my mother's bad side...

I have a really faint memory that I know is true, it's just super faint; the visual is anyway. The audio is REALLY clear though. I grew up in a very religious family, my mother being the most religious of us all. She also was the most hypocritical and psychologically/emotionally/verbally abusive. Actually suspect her of DID. But anyway...

My little brother was acting up big time. I think he was maybe, I don't know 7? I'm pretty sure he like came at my mom with his nails...he did that a lot, scratching people really badly. She yelled really loudly...you could only know how horrible it was if you heard it...and screamed "Get away from me, you little demon!" My little brother immediately bursts out into tears and starts saying "why would you call me that???"

then the memory stops. I also remember, when my brothers would get like that, she would hold them down as they resisted with all their might, and "cast out demons" from them.

And she encouraged me and my older sister to do that too.

Whenever we would get sick or feel sad, she would "cast out demons".

END TRIGGER

I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit and that people CAN have demons and that the Holy Spirit can cause that demon to leave, but...if you look in the Bible, and correct me if I'm wrong, but Jesus never casts demons out of people who are already believers. He Himself was tormented by the devil, yes, but never possessed or anything. And that's what it's like with the "demon" alters, I think. I think they are tormented by the devil that is their past/trauma. The only difference is that they falsly believe they are to blame.

Hmm. Those are some good points, thank you. I'm not really sure. She acts like a child sometimes, but she also wants out just so she can hurt anyone and everyone she possibly can, just for the fun of it. But--she also said that when we were having problems with this person being really threatening and intimidating, that if we would let her out, she'd -only- hurt him. And we discovered we have another little inside last night who's been "asleep" since 1998 and her last memory is being thrown into the wall by our father and hitting her head really hard ...and Lolly was comforting her inside, too, like everyone inside was. But it surprised me that Lolly did. Heh, and now I can kinda sense her going "I'm not a TOTAL monster, you know!"

So I wonder if she's not really a d*mon, she was told that she was, especially because our father was sorta obsessed with them, he told us that he could talk to d*mons, and he said if we weren't a good girl, the d*mons would steal our soul and take us to h*ll.

Hmm, maybe she really went through all the religious stuff...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Eisa. Imaginary shoulder to cry on if you need it or want it

Eisa wrote:But--she also said that when we were having problems with this person being really threatening and intimidating, that if we would let her out, she'd -only- hurt him.

Hmmm....it sounds like she's going through so much pain, she has no idea how to express it but to hurt others, or at least threaten to.

Sounds like when she feels safe to be who she is and not intimidated/made to feel bad...she just might come around and release the burden she's carried for so long.

I found this online and it has a lot of interesting viewpoints. I don't agree with all of them...some portions of the site seem to say that it IS possible for a Christian to be possessed, which I don't believe. But there is a large section about alters that seem like demons, who are not. Check it out if you want to.

http://www.net-burst.net/sex_abuse/alters.htm