can someone please tell me what's going on

Hello.

Firstly, I would like to apologize for the manner in which I speak. I realize that it is different than most of you, as well as different than the voice that usually speaks for this system. I do however have a quandary and I'm not entirely sure the best course of action. Your input and suggestions are welcome.

My sole purpose is to hold the pieces together and to maintain order. The pieces were coming apart, and I am now therefore holding them together and preventing the system from collapse. I, however, am not well equipped to have control for extended periods of time. I am here, as it seems, by default. My question therefore is how I should proceed. I usually am better

Whoa. What...

What the heck...?

Should I even post this??

Okay so I guess it's obvious from the written message above that I'm not doing so well... Um... On one hand I'm embarrassed but on the other hand I want to post this because I think I need help right now... What the heck...?

What is going on??? I'm so confused...

Why the heck would I write like that...??? That doesn't sound like me!!!

-- Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:15 pm --

please help me. I'm so confused. I feel like I'm in a strange place typing on someone else's computer. What the heck. I don't feel like "me", whoever "me" is. People are trying to talk to me in my head and tell me stuff but I don't want to listen. Why is this happening??? I don't understand!!! I'm looking around and someone is telling me what everything is and where I am and telling me I'm "Caroline" but I don't understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I CAROLINE??? WHO IS CAROLINE?????? I don't think I should even be here!!!! It's like I got knocked in the head and can't even remember who I am or where I am supposed to be. This feel very very bad. What is this site that I'm posting on? I am so confused. I just want to go back to where I came from, but I don't even know where that is! Can someone out there please help me????

I am here, and I am listening. Firstly, try taking deep breaths and try to calm down. Nothing can be thought out well or made sense of if you're extremely stressed. I know you feel very confused, and very scared, and I want to help you, but you have to try and calm down first. Is there something you can get that would make you feel better? A blanket? A stuffed animal? Perhaps a favorite food or drink? A pillow you can hold? Anything that you think would help you feel better would be good for you to have. I'm sure everything will be ok. Please, keep posting if it helps. I know it's helped me to type/write things out in the past.

Thank you so much. I'm just so confused. To be honest, I can't quite imagine anything that will make me feel better except knowing what's going on. I'm really sorry if I'm taking up everyone's time. I feel totally lost...

Hello. My name is Rain. I understand you're feeling scared and confused, and based on what you've written, you have every right to. I also understand you don't feel like you're who everyone keeps referring to as "Caroline". What is your name, if I may ask? Please, try to relax. You're on a safe site, posting to people who can help you. Take deep breaths, close your eyes, count slowly to ten. Focus only on you, and on your breathing. Nothing else matters right now. Everything will be figured out in time, we just need to relax, be patient, and think about things calmly. When you try to solve a puzzle quickly, you can't always see where the pieces fit. So let's slow down, take a look at each puzzle piece we have, and try to make the whole picture. Remember the tortoise and the hare, "slow and steady wins the race".

-- Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:34 pm --

Time can be easily wasted if not used well, and what can be a better use of time than helping someone if I am able? There is nothing to apologize for, so do not worry. I would much rather know that I am able to offer help to someone in need of it than do anything else with my time.

Okay. Hi Rain. Okay I am trying to calm down. I am trying not to freak out. I'm not sure what my name is. I feel like I have one I just don't know what it is at the moment. That's also why I am scared is because I can't remember who I am. Thank you for answering me. I'm not even sure if this is right but I think I'm around 15. But maybe that's not even right, I'm just not sure about anything right now. Everything feels very strange and upside down. Maybe I should stop writing on here. Again I'm sorry.

-- Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:42 pm --

Also I don't know if this makes any sense but everything seems foggy and also I feel this weird feeling in my chest like a pressure like a pushing from the inside out. I don't know...

Please, continue writing. It's the safest place for you right now, and it's giving you a connection to reality as well as a connection to a listening ear. You say you think you're around 15? What's the last thing you do remember? If possible, what's the last date you remember? Remember to keep taking deep breaths. I'm very proud of you for remaining as calm as you are. You seem to be very strong to post on here and I congratulate you for how you are handling this. It is very scary to not remember who you are, and I am sorry you're experiencing this right now. Do you have anything you would like to be called? Even if it's a favorite season, or color? By the way, it's very nice to meet you.

-- Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:47 pm --

It makes perfect sense. Those are very common symptoms that follow with not being able to remember who you are. Everything that's happening to you is perfectly natural for the course of memory loss, and so far you seem to be doing an excellent job of coping with those symptoms.

This is Caroline. Something must have happened this afternoon to trigger me. I think it was watching videos on Youtube about DID (some of which were not very accurate). Not the smartest thing Caroline...

Anyhow... I am here, I am back, and I apologize. I'm honestly not sure what part that was writing. A scared, lost part apparently... I'll have to dig deeper into that. When I'm feeling more grounded that is...

Thank you tomboy so much for your responses and support. I will try to make sense of this later when I'm feeling a little less foggy.
xCaroline

You are very welcome, I am glad I could be of assistance. Please, take time to yourself to relax and recover. Listen to calming music, perhaps treat yourself to a favorite dessert tonight, watch a funny movie, and in general give your mind, body, and emotions time to rest. You deserve it. ~Rain

I'm sorry that you were triggered, but at least now you know a little bit more about yourself. I'm glad I/Rain was able to be here for you, and I'm really glad that part of you kept posting on here. I know when I lose time like that anything's possible, so at least while on here she wasn't able to wander off and get lost of something. I hope you feel less foggy soon, and are able to relax/rest for a while. Perhaps write a note to yourself, something like "If you don't know who or where you are, get on this site and post something". Something to reassure that part in case she comes out again. Best of luck to you with this! I'll be watching for future posts from you. *hugs if wanted*

-- Wed Aug 31, 2011 6:09 pm --

By the way, no need to apologize for anything. Really. It makes me really happy that I was able to help someone and be there for them. To me there's nothing I'd rather do than help people if I'm able.

brandic wrote:This is Caroline. Something must have happened this afternoon to trigger me. I think it was watching videos on Youtube about DID (some of which were not very accurate). Not the smartest thing Caroline...

Anyhow... I am here, I am back, and I apologize. I'm honestly not sure what part that was writing. A scared, lost part apparently... I'll have to dig deeper into that. When I'm feeling more grounded that is...

Thank you tomboy so much for your responses and support. I will try to make sense of this later when I'm feeling a little less foggy.
xCaroline

So glad you are feeling better. I hope you get to know this what sounds like new or buried alter. Glad you could come here for support. I will be thinking of you!

I became so concerned for you as I read this! I am glad support was here for you Please be gentle with yourself and try to remain relaxed as you try to discover what all of that meant. I feel like I know everyone on this forum, so please take care of yourself and feel better soon!