How do you tell someone you have DID?

How do you tell someone you have DID?

Do you give them the label, and let them look it up? Or describe your subjective experience? Or mention to them that the other day when you did X you were not exactly you?

I was talking to a friend recently who has an interest in mental health, basically because there's a lot of mental health issues in her family & she described something in herself that was weirding her out. It was depersonalization and she wanted to know more about it, so I was telling her about dissociation in general, but I left out DID, saying something like yeh well lets not go there I don't want to freak you out, but she wanted to know so I decided to risk explaining. I said it used to be called MPD too because that makes more sense to someone who has never heard of DID. I said it's like having sisters, except there's only one body. I said I hear myself speak and think "that's not me" and how I'll hear someone pipe up in the middle of a conversation, to say something that "I" don't believe is true. I said decisions is like if you have flatmates and want to paint the walls bright purple, you have to check with your flatmates first! And that I'm lucky because a lot of people don't know about their others and just have amnesia when they're "not there". Not sure if someone with no mental health issues would accept it so easily though. Also she may have been ok with it or she may have been thinking I'm crazy, but deciding to humour me. She's not been avoiding me or anything though. X

The first person I told was my husband. I was so stressed out at the time, I don't remember what I said. He doesn't remember either. I think I just blurted it out. It was after my Alter 2 took control in a therapy session. I came home and did a web search to find words for what happened to me. The search led directly to DID, and I think I told my husband something like "the voice that spoke in my head in January spoke out loud to my therapist today, and I think I have what is called dissociative identity disorder."

Since then I have told a bunch of people, friends and acquaintances. As far as I know none have reacted too badly to this new information. Even so, some of them say they do worry about how other people might react, and they think I should keep it to myself. A few friends worry that an unscrupulous person who knows this about me could make me switch for their amusement or to humiliate or exploit me.

On Astraea's Web is the article Coming Out Multiple: http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/comeout.html

I'll definitely be careful who I tell about it, because I find true friends accept what you tell them but others not necessarily. I had a couple of bad experiences telling people I have chronic fatigue syndrome. One of the bad reactions was from someone with diabetes, which you'd think they'd understand because you can't see diabetes either. X

$#%^ hit the fan. Other parts started coming out on their own willy-nilly on a forum site because it was easier to get through had less resistance than trying to express themselves to others in reality. There were a few times they got out to real life people who felt safer, though, and there was the long battle to control the twitch/twisting attempt to control the body before then.

After that, I've nev-only told one person irl. Don't remember telling them, just know that I did. I was too scared to watch. It was at night and I told my sister and I think my brother in law who I live with. It went well but later didn't.

Later someone was brave enough to bring it up and my sister believed after that. Usually I give up and shut people out. I don't think it's worth trying usually.

Aside from that some parts feel they have to say it so people understand and don't get angry or hurt us but it's a stupid thing to think and we usually fight about it and it's just not a very good issue to be talking about because people don't agree about it and we've got mixed results.

But usually watch em to see if they're safe. Watch what people say without saying.
If they are safe, somebody just gives em basic outline of what it is. "More compartmentalized"'s the word I use. Give em info if they seem receptive. If they ain't, shut em out, they'll forget about it and won't bug yah about it again. Or else put em on a "Curious but not really gonna be any help so probably best to hide anything scary or weird and just make it quirky n safe and stuff" category.

Probably not worth trying if they ain't gonna listen.

You don't
If someone is close enough to need to know... i think they likely already have some inclination.. but i suppose it depends on the individual.

i rarely interact with anybody in real life. doesn't help that i'm agoraphobic, plus in a town/state that i am alone in and know very few people. but back when i was still able to go out now and again, i do have a couple people i could call friends, and i remember mentioning it to both of them in a vague manner, on separate occasions. something along the lines of, "i'm not the only one in my head" keeping it light, almost in a joking manner, in case reaction was less than optimal.

one reply was friendly laughter: "oh i dont' doubt that for a second, i think i've seen at least 5 or 6 of ya before."

the other was, "well yeah that kinda makes sense to me."

outside people aren't as dumb as we think they are, and more often than not we (meaning the ones that "live the life" aka hosts/owner of the body/core/main/fronter/whateveryouchoosetolabelyourself) aren't as savvy as we think we are.

its been my (entropy speaking here) own personal experiences that its almost impossible to hide in real life. so much string-pulling, so much influencing, sharing, peeking, static pops... so much evidence, that.... i simply cannot understand those who are claim ability to hide it so well that when they do come 'out of the closet' to people in real life, they are often met with disbelief and disregarded. maybe you're lucky that you can keep it behind closed doors.

that being said, there are those in my past life i rarely see, but knew me growing up(aka family, schoolfriends) that i haven't disclosed 'properly' out of my own fear. doesn't mean they don't have that inclination, as LostAndFound said. now, family is a different story, for that would open up cans of worms that have long since been buried and will not be touched for the time being. .... and with THAT being said, i have gotten the "there's something wrong with you"... "you acting so differently all the time ..."who are you?".... from so many my entire life.

so, digressions aside, ramblings, and whatevers. what was my point? uhh. okay i really did have a finishing point here somewhere.... crud.

I don't remember telling a few select friends about my DID, but I know that I did. Everyone was pretty nice but I think a few were still a bit weirded-out, since they never bring it up and seem to want to talk about other things if I bring it up.

These days two good friends keep wanting to talk to Danielle and Lauri, two of my others.

I tell people only out of necessity, such as my boyfriend, (I also let people who I'm planning on dating know up front so if it scares them, they can back out). Or if they see me switch or notice odd things and ask me about them. I also tell very close friends. I tell them by telling them what it's called (DID), telling them what it used to be called since more people are familiar with that (MPD), and then giving a brief explanation/description of what it is. Some people think I'm lying, some believe me, some are weirded out by it and/or scared, and others find it very interesting and actually ask me about it and if it's possible for them to talk to my other alters (like in a co-host thing). It's really cool to get the interested reaction, because it's nice to meet people who want to learn more about it instead of just be scared of it and push you away. I find that the more people I give descriptions and explanations to instead of just a label, the more people are interested in asking questions about it and being more comfortable with it.

I'm all for not telling people generally. I'm much more open about my physical problems, though I know now I won't necessarily be believed. Luckily I don't much care what other people think. I just like to explain that the reason I often walk like I'm drunk isn't because I'm an alcoholic!

My mental health issues I generally don't tell hardly anyone about. If I have a dead-eyed stare and can't speak because I'm suicidal and resisting the urge, I try to drag up a small smile and wave hello, later muttering that I'm having a bad day. Being the life of the party one day then looking like death the next is usually explained away by others as a hangover (I don't drink), they don't need to know I'm bipolar with mood swings on a 24hr cycle. During my worst 5yrs of depression, hallucinations, anorexia and panic attacks, everybody except my close friends thought I was on drugs. I didn't care, no way was I telling anybody I'd gone nuts! If I have an appointment with anyone from the mental health team for any reason, it's a "doctor's appointment". When people ask what I do, I explain my interests. If they ask specifically about employment, I just say I don't work. If they ask why, I say my health doesn't allow it. People who know me for about a year seem to come to the conclusion that I'm a bit weird and they seem to notice I'm not good at taking care of myself, but it doesn't stop me making and keeping friends. I don't think they'd be surprised to find I had mental health issues, but I do think they'd be shocked by the extent of it. I don't intend to tell any future boyfriends either, unless I'm getting engaged. X