It helps alot.
When I was a kid, I used to try to be others, but not the way that one might imagine, I think I was just trying to find a ME. I did have alot of ME taken away, as I was not good enough.
I wanted a protector tho. My dad left, and my stepdad and mom were both abusive, tho I could somehow forgive my mom, as she was also abused as a kid and by my stepdad.
She also had bpd.
It is ironic and maybe just a connective thinking thing for me that you mention mirroring. I used to stand in front of it for hours and do things like try to see my real dad in me. pretend I was on lsd, and I was 10,

, things that were not what "normal" 10 year olds should be doing, and what was up with being in my room all the time anyway? now that I think about it?
I hated myself. I was r@ped @ 4, and molested from 5-7 by relatives, I didn't want to be me. I was also r@ped several times as an adult. This is what all caused my ptsd. And you can see why I wonder about the borderline vs DID> I was a perfect candidate to develope it.
As I watch "The three faces of Eve" one day, the first documented case of DID, or what was known then as MPD, I learned it was not a mental disorder. whether this still holds true I don't know. Borderline has controlled my life and ruined so many of my past relationships. I finally went to DBT classes and learned boundaries and how to accept myself, but it has not helped my ptsd, only the bpd.
I want to thank you all so much for sharing with me. It means so much to me.
Gentle hugs( if I may?), ddee