unsupportive family that doesn't believe in mental illness?

How can I deal with my family that thinks my problems have been brought on by therapy? Or the ones who think I am overeacting, trying to get attention, or "acting like a child" on purpose? (I'm sorry but nobody forgets how to cut their food on purpose).

My mom goes into these long rants about how I need to make sure I stay from "psychotropic drugs"(she says it like it's a bad word) because they alter you personality. Sorry mom but I think my personality has been altered in other ways...

I am not on meds cuz I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THEM I want to do this by MYSELF. But at the same time I kind of think my mom is rotten and horrible because I did have to take meds for a couple weeks for the panic attacks/seizures, and they served their purpose well, and now she's acting all different towards me since she knows I took those meds. She doesn't want the psychologist to think she's a bad mom which is why she doesn't want me to go...but she IS a bad mom! Okay maybe not bad but she has problems that need to be worked on so that she cut it with the constant emotional abuse. She emotionally abuses my little brothers and I HATE HER FOR IT and DON't KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP.

Hello,

When I lived at home that was what I had to deal with. I was banned from seeing my social worker cause parents reckoned she was 'brainwashing me'. I was told I was "too young for depression" as that was what I was diagnosed with at that time. I was then told I am "not anorexic, the hospital are just trying to get you fat" when I was later in the pit of anorexia. I know where you are coming from.

When I was at home how I survived was to not tell them anything, not talk to them, and not spend any time with them. I know that doesn't help, but if I knew how to deal with my parents I don't think I'd be on this board today.

Bourbon

bourbon wrote:but if I knew how to deal with my parents I don't think I'd be on this board today.

Amen to that I don't even live with them but have so closely identified with them over the years that now I don't know who or what I am. It's like taking one piece from the jenga tower. The whole thing collapsed when I did that! The girl who wanted to be exactly like her mom is (I hope) long gone. Because mom is f-----g emotionally abusive that's why. Gosh I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. The anger just pops out.

I still think what I thunk before, no matter what anyone says. My favorite lines from HP7-II

“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

I also dealt with my parents by not dealing with them as much as I could. The longer I am away from them, four years now, the harder it gets to deal with them.
My mother also made sure that I stopped seeing my first psychologist when I was a teen.
I used to want to make them aware of the s#!7 they caused, until I realized that those people also dont know any better, and that it will probably not help either them or me, by making them aware of who we are and how we got like this. Personally, I dont even think that my mom can handle being aware of all the things that happened, and how that affected me. I tried to make my dad aware of it for a while but it hurts him too much to be confronted with this.
I try to deal with it I guess, by staying away from them if I can, and by realizing that they simply dont, and cant know how true it all is. And by trying to get support elsewhere.

I had a counselor explain something to me one time. He said a family is like a mobile, like the kind of spinny thing you hang on a baby's crib. He said when one person in a family starts to grow and learn emotionally, it changes the balance of the mobile and the other parts move too. The dynamic in the family changes, and the others will try to resist that change. Its natural, and its not the end of the world. Grow for yourself, and in time they will come to see that this growth has been positive for you and they will be more accepting. The parent-child relationship goes two ways. Deep down I think we all want to please our parents. But as we grow we have to take care of ourselves. Your parents learn from you as much as you learn from them. And I think the best thing you can do for your younger brothers is be an example of someone who is willing to face their problems. Your doing the right thing by trying to get better. As for meds, I don't know your situation, but for me the right meds made all the difference in the world. they aren't all 'psychotropic'. It sounds like your on the right path, the path to healing. I hope things get easier for you soon.

-V

I'm sorry to hear that your family is unsupportive and emotionally abusive. I have found that with my family too. In the end I have dealt with it by trying to keep away from them as much as possible. As I go to therapy, I am more aware of their flaws, failures, abusive behaviours and I can feel myself getting stronger. I know I am leaving them behind, but I don't see that there is anything else I can do. They don't want help. They don't think they need help. They don't think I have ever needed help either. I have often pondered what it is that makes the difference between people who choose to seek help and people who don't; people who see the problems and want to fix them and people who don't. I'm not sure. But for the moment, I only have strength to deal with myself. My therapist advised me to stay away from my family as much as possible. So that is what I choose to do. That is all I have the strength to do at the moment.

It is true, what someone said earlier, that if we knew how to deal with our family, we probably wouldn't have ended up on this board in the first place. But I think that equally, we ended up dissociating the experiences because that's all our young minds knew how to do in such a difficult situation, we hadn't had alternative healthy coping strategies modelled to us in our family situation. Hopefully by going to therapy and getting help, you can model that healthy behaviour for your younger brothers and it will help them also.

Seems to me there might be some hidden reason for her madness. She may not want to see what's going on because then she won't have to feel guilty for not protecting you from whatever it was. This can cause a slew of emotions with no one to direct them at but you, anger, frustration, anxiety, resentment, denial, all equally painful to deal with and since she has no where to turn she unload it all upon you. The only things I can think of to help is to explain to her in ways that won't damage her mentality. Tell her you may act differently even while on these meds but its still real and something you cannot control, and going off the medication is keeping it from getting out of control. The mind is a powerful thing and sometimes it can get overwhelming. But with your support I can continue to make progress to health, but without your support it may be much harder to achive a healthy mind.
Don't make it sound like she doesnt support you now, even if she isn't supporting you...this will only add to her guilt and she might become defensive. If this happens you are better off walking away from the situation. Also thank her for helping her during your times of need (like when you forgot how to cut your food?) This will help her see that you realize it is stressful for her to see you in such a mental state, its scary to her and she doesn't understand it, this can cause stress and a feeling of helplessness because since she doesn't understand (nor does she want to, its that pesky denial again) she doesn't know how to deal with this so she may go threw those same emotions, anger, frustration, ect.. tell her you realize things are stressful and that's why you need her support.
It takes a lot of guts to stand up to your mother, even in a sensitive nature, esp, those that are stubborn and don't want to admit the way they are handling things are wrong. Pride is a terrible thing sometimes. But at least you can try to learn about why she is the way she is. So when things like that happen and she starts in on you, you can more clearly see the reasons for her erratic and hurtful ways and better understand that she is a human being with her own feelings and problems that she may take out on you, but now you can see its not anything you did wrong to cause her actions towards you.

James9 wrote:He said a family is like a mobile,

That's a super good analogy, I like it!

TheCollective wrote:And by trying to get support elsewhere.

This is the one thing I never learned how to do growing up...I was told that the best support anyone can get is from their family, and that everyone else will turn on you. Unfortunately, I have since learned it is the other way around...I mean, none of my friends have ever threatened to cut me off, like my mom and sister have. And my mom's "disowned" me twice, each time coming back feeling all sorry. Third time she was all like "I still love you but I don't want you to call here anymore"...whatever that's supposed to mean I AM happy to know, now, that other people are worth trusting. It gives me hope.

salted lipstick wrote:I have often pondered what it is that makes the difference between people who choose to seek help and people who don't; people who see the problems and want to fix them and people who don't.

The more I think about it the more I am convinced that it's our sensitivity; our pain has made us so sensitive to others' emotions as well as our own, so we (at least I) ended up seeking therapy out of feelings of guilt...a lot of guilt...and fear that I was hurting other people. Don't get me wrong, I know I am not completely innocent, I know I've caused others pain...but I think those of us who have suffered so much emotional pain feel more guilt than we should, which is what ultimately leads us to seeking help.

chibixal wrote:So when things like that happen and she starts in on you, you can more clearly see the reasons for her erratic and hurtful ways and better understand that she is a human being with her own feelings and problems that she may take out on you, but now you can see its not anything you did wrong to cause her actions towards you.

That really speaks to me in that one of my biggest fears lately is seeing similarities between her problems and mine. But that is what makes us different...she takes her own feelings out on me...while I have just always buried mine.