Was That A Flashback? *Poss. Trig.*

First off, lemme say that I've yet to have any sort of flashbacks or moments of realization or anything of that sort. So, I may be way off base with this, but I think I might've had a part of a flashback or something.

So, it was earlier today, around noonish, and me and my mom were watching this show called Angel. Long story short, it's about a vampire with a soul. Good show... Anyways, in this particular episode, a young boy was possessed with a demon which everyone believed was the cause of the boy's bad behavior. Just before they exorcised the demon, the boy/demon said somethin. For the love of life, I cannot remember what he said, but anyway, I sudden became overwhelmed with this sense of.. I dunno.. Helplessness. Defeat. Fear. That's the best i can describe it. Everything sort of black out and a group of pictures flashed by. They were all moving so fast that I couldn't even make out anything. Not even a second seemed to have passed and everything returned to normal. That's when I notice I was crying. (Note: I never cry, unless I'm having one of my breakdowns) I get up and go to the bathroom before my mom can see and calm myself down.

Then, I go back to finish watching the show with my mom because i simply shrugged off what had happened as an Alter trying to reach out or something that I could deal with later. In the show, they exorcise the demon and the main character, Angel, finds out that the demon wasn't making the boy do all the bad things, so Angel rushes back just in time to see the boy set his house on fire in attempted to burn his sister alive. The boy is standing in front of the flames as the girl is crying out for her parents who are trapped in their room. As it shows the boy standing in front of the fire, I have another one of those episode, except a little different...

I feel like I'm reliving a memory of mine. This is a memory I already knew of, but it felt different... This is sort of hard for me to admit but... Eh.. When I was younger, about six or seven, I helped two teenagers set a trailer on fire... Back then I lived in a trailer park.I don't actually remember much from the memory. I remember watchin the fire blossom and then grow as it began to cover up the entire side of teh trailer.. The two teenagers tell me its time to go, so I hope on my bike and go back home... When I get home, the police and fire department is there and my parents are standing outside crying. They take me inside and start to yell at me. I tell them that I had nothing to do with it and that I was just riding my bike... What makes it so much worse... Is that I don't regret it... Does that make me messed up in the head.? Am I really a psychotic freak that needs to be locked up in a straight jacket.?

...i got off topic.. Anyway.. Why would I relive that memory so vividly? Seeing fire never seemed to trigger it before.. And what's up with that other episode I had? Are these supposed to be some sort of clues.?

My guess would be that it was an alter that made you do the fire starting. And since it's their memory, they don't feel any guilt. So when you recall the memory, you don't feel any guilt.

while i dont know about the whole fire thing... i rekon the flashes you had were a flashback.. .someone inside was way triggered and couldnt stop it flowing forward onto you... flashbacks arent always like full on movies in your head that you get fully sucked into... mine arent always like that...rarely actually...

but yeah, my guess is its a flashback because someone inside was triggered..btw, you probly dont feel any remorse for the fire because it wasn't you who did it!!

hope this helps some
H.

Kimberly, it sounds to me like a flashback. I think it is good that you know exactly what the trigger is. The experience is awful, but in a way it is wonderful to be able to explore a trigger again just by getting that episode on DVD or something, and to be able to avoid it until you need to explore it.

I don't know if the flashback belongs to you or to another alter in your system, but if you have had continuous memory of that event then probably the flashback belongs to you.