How can I take care of the child pieces? I'm only 22!!!

I don't know the first thing about children I've decided. So why would I consider my child modes to be my children anyway? And how can you take care of and nurture a piece of yourself? This makes no sense to me. I can take care of other people...but I don't know anything about taking care of the child mode...especially when all she wants to do is throw things and she only came out when I was at the hospital!

How do I communicate with this person who was throwing stuff at the hospital??? I've tried lots of things...leaving my journal out, talking out loud to it in my head. But how do I know this piece is even listening??? I'm sooooo annoyed!!! I wish it'd go away, but I also wish it'd make it's presence known more often so I can find out what the heck it wants!!!

Well, the first thought that came to mind is, this part isn't going to want to come out and communicate with you if you're feeling impatient toward her and wanting to rush her into communicating. Don't get me wrong - I'm not judging. In fact, I myself have felt the exact same way you do. You want just be done and over with it already. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way...

Learning to be loving and patient toward yourself is going to take time. This isn't something that comes naturally for us with DID, because we were taught to loathe ourselves. So don't be too hard on yourself about that. Even though you don't feel it now, you can develop this over time. It is possible to learn these things. I did (and am still in the process of learning).

If she came out and threw things in the hospital, she probably is carrying a lot of pain. Usually child parts who act out in anger are carrying a lot of pain and sadness underneath. You say that you know how to take care of other people. I know it's really hard, but try to approach this part as though it were a friend's child. Not your own child, or a part of you (even though technically she is). Sometimes creating some mental distance helps.

You ask how do you know if she is listening. If you talk to her with openness and sincerity, I think she will hear you, even if she doesn't necessarily respond. Just like any relationship, trust takes time to build. You don't know each other yet, and so you need to earn her trust. I know it probably is quite frustrating, and this might sound impossible, but I would try talking to her when you are feeling calm. You can tell her things like, "It is safe now," and "No one is going to hurt you anymore." Then later on, once you have gotten to know her a little better, you can say stuff like, "I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you," and "I am here to protect you." But the most important thing is, don't say anything if you don't mean it. Alters are extremely perceptive, and can see through our BS. Don't say reassuring things to her if it feels fake. If you don't know how to act toward her, or what to say to her, just tell her that. Tell her you want to develop a relationship with her, you just don't know how. That might be a good starting point.

I know you want to have it all figured out immediately, but trying to force things is just going to slow down the process. And even though you are only 22, my guess is you've probably had a lot of life experience, and most likely somewhere inside, you'll be able to figure out how to take care of this part, even though it might not feel that way right now.

dividedtruth89 wrote:How do I communicate with this person who was throwing stuff at the hospital??? I've tried lots of things...leaving my journal out, talking out loud to it in my head. But how do I know this piece is even listening??? I'm sooooo annoyed!!! I wish it'd go away, but I also wish it'd make it's presence known more often so I can find out what the heck it wants!!!

I have 5 kids and 4 grandkids that live next door, the same ages as most of my kids, so I know kids.

The littles inside are not like the real ones. They are parts of your mind, that need some TLC. Think of it as self love. It sounds like yours are much like many others of us. When you feel they are there, tell them you love them and things like that. Hopefully you will get a smile. Try and ask them questions to see what it is they need. Most are stuck in the original trauma they endured and they need to get unstuck. They need someone to love them!... that someone is you.

Keep in mind that these little ones took the torture that you did not so you could be safe and live your life! You must feel something good for them. They saved you from so much pain! I cannot help but be overwhelmed with gratitude for mine!

You don't have to change diapers, or feed them or much at all. Just let them know you want to help them and you care about them.

I call it 20 questions.. trying to figure out what one wants and needs. For instance one would come and my hands would tingle. She was being held down. I gave her magic so no one could hold her down. Another was near drowned as a babe, so I gave him magic so no one could drown him.

Your little one is throwing things. Figure it out. Ask here. Ask yourself. Why is she doing this. She should react to either your right or wrong ideas to get you in the right direction.

Also make a safe place where all your inner ones would enjoy spending all their time and describe it them. Take all your inner ones there. No walls! The whole idea is to open all communication between the alters and yourself. Mine is in a bubble that does not allow abusers through it.

All you might ever get from them is feelings, but its really all you need to heal them and yourself. You don't need names, ages or anything. You just need to help them out of trauma time and give them what they are lacking.. nurturing, love, etc...

One more thing. They need to understand present time and that the abuse is not still happening.

Reminding them of present time is very important. I agree with tylas.

I'm 23 and every single one of our insiders is under 18 besides me. Many are under 10. It is difficult. Sometimes, I feel like I'm running a one woman day-care center. It is important [and relieving!] to remember that children parts, while like children in many ways, are NOT like outside children. Littles do need TLC and support. Perhaps you could try leaving your child part a coloring book instead of writing messages? Or use art to communicate? Something like that? Don't give up.

dividedtruth89 wrote:I don't know the first thing about children I've decided. So why would I consider my child modes to be my children anyway? And how can you take care of and nurture a piece of yourself? This makes no sense to me. I can take care of other people...but I don't know anything about taking care of the child mode...especially when all she wants to do is throw things and she only came out when I was at the hospital!

How do I communicate with this person who was throwing stuff at the hospital??? I've tried lots of things...leaving my journal out, talking out loud to it in my head. But how do I know this piece is even listening??? I'm sooooo annoyed!!! I wish it'd go away, but I also wish it'd make it's presence known more often so I can find out what the heck it wants!!!

Just be glad you don't have to change nappies babe.
You'd sharp be complaining then!

How's it going? Are you feeling any better today?

At this point and time, yes, doing a lot better, thanks for asking!

I don't know if anyone else is like this, but I don't have good days and bad days, I have good and bad times of the day...constantly being triggered into some random emotion for some odd reason which I'm still trying to figure out lol...I used to be pretty emotionally stable before, I thought. Now, it is like my whole world is collapsing! But in a good way I guess? I kind of get the sense that I was broken and put back together very haphazardly, like a shattered porcelain doll that a 10 year old tries to fix. But the glue job wasn't all that great since I was only 10 unfortunately, and used Elmers. Not to mention I missed some pieces so an ear is where the mouth should be, etc. Anyway now I'm just searching for the missing ones so I can put it all together with superglue I guess.

Sorry, I'm addicted to analogies. Thank you for checking in...

dividedtruth89 wrote:At this point and time, yes, doing a lot better, thanks for asking!

I don't know if anyone else is like this, but I don't have good days and bad days, I have good and bad times of the day...constantly being triggered into some random emotion for some odd reason which I'm still trying to figure out lol...I used to be pretty emotionally stable before, I thought. Now, it is like my whole world is collapsing! But in a good way I guess? I kind of get the sense that I was broken and put back together very haphazardly, like a shattered porcelain doll that a 10 year old tries to fix. But the glue job wasn't all that great since I was only 10 unfortunately, and used Elmers. Not to mention I missed some pieces so an ear is where the mouth should be, etc. Anyway now I'm just searching for the missing ones so I can put it all together with superglue I guess.

Sorry, I'm addicted to analogies. Thank you for checking in...

Yes, I am willing to bet the entire human population has good and bad days, but those of us with DID/DDNOS in particular.

I don't look at triggers as bad as long as I am home and safe. I look at it as an opportunity to communicate with those that need it. When someone is triggered consider trying to soothe and calm them and understand them. Help them get out of the trauma time they are stuck in! Remember each alter was made for a purpose. My goal is to figure out where all those shattered pieces of the doll belong and find out how to best heal them.

I LOVE that analogy!!!! Brilliant!!!!