'Our Daddy died'

How did you guys discover your little ones?
I have one particularly embarassing memory that may have something to do with a kid alter.
Sorry for telling all these personal anecdotes all the time, but I just want to sort things out now and it's so helpful for me to talk about things. It helps me to remember more.

First I want to say that I'm not particularly interested in discovering any little ones, in fact the whole idea makes me feel tired and reluctant at the moment. When the other members on this forum post about theirs, I get a trapped feeling and a voice inside me says 'Great! All we need here is a bunch of needy brats who need attention, cuddles, teddy bears, toy cars and colouring books! I'm not a damn babysitter, and I HATE colouring books!'
This isn't the way I view other people's little ones, and I actually love children. It's just a reaction that takes over me. Like a fear that some strange, unknown, complex-ridden kids will soon be queuing behind my door to get in, and I will be chained to them forever and ever.

Anyway, the incident I was talking about happened after my father passed away when I was 22. His financial matters were a total chaos, and I had to call a legal aid office for help. Now this was very, very hard for me because I had spent all my life trying to cover up his mistakes and focusing on keeping up the appearances in so many ways, and now that he was gone, the shameful truth would come out. It was crushing. When I reached the lawyer who would take care of the inventory of his property on the phone, I started to tell her about the situation: 'Hello, this is so-and-so. I'm calling you because...' and then my normal voice disappeared and this very high-pitched small child's voice came out and said the most embarassing thing ever, sounding like a two year-old, '...our Daddy is dead!' Then I couldn't say anything for a minute or so, I felt an inner struggle to get the situation under the control. Luckily I don't remember the rest of the conversation.
I believe this was a child alter, who surfaced because of the burning shame and me trying to take care of the mess my dad had left us in. When you look back at the time before being diagnosed or before you even suspected DID, do you remember incindents where they've surfaced even though you didn't know at the time?

yes. when looking back, there is much evidence just unknown and unaware. that is what it is. your alters do not just appear with the diagnonsense, or your awareness. they were there long before you knew. living in secret, always in secret. that's what it is, it is pulling strings, influencing, controlling, protecting, enduring, hiding behind the curtain. and now with the knowledge, you can look back and see the influence, the appearance, the evidence.

that is the point, too, is to keep you in the dark. we are here for a reason, we know what to do, more than you, and have been doing it for years. we have always been around, in and out, you just have not known it. upon awakening and introductions, things become clearer, while muddier at the same time.

as for the "littles"... sort of the opposite here. don't understand others' littles. are confused by the "lil speak" typing they do, despite ones within typing as such. don't like the term 'littles' when referring to our own. only really know our own and understand our own. most within are not "kid people", except highly protective of our own young ones. just know yourselves. not all "littles" are from the same cookie cutter. do not be afraid, just patient.

good luck.

Yes... maybe about 5 months ago I was upset about something (this is before the DID diagnosis) and my SO was trying to help and be supportive. I felt very little all of a sudden and shouted 'Go away!' and as she was leaving the bedroom, 'I HATE YOU!!!' Now... I know that wasn't me.. I would never say that to her. Ever. I was totally shocked, only to find out a month or two later about Coraline (she went by BAD) and tends to shout either "I hate you" or "I hate myself."

Brandic, what you told makes me think of someone in my family. I've actually always thought that there is a young personality inside her who has the occasional odd reaction.

FacetBrigade, thank you for encouragement!