mapping my system

Sanan, it sounds like your system is well-developed and works pretty smoothly, both good things. I'm glad that the sex change didn't happen, for your sake and that of your male others.

Leda, you have a good start. As I tell everyone on this forum a lot, writing/ journaling with your others can be very useful.

At the risk of hijacking this thread, I would like to ask- how vital is it that I show my therapist the mapped others? I have soo many that I worry about her disbelief if I show her. *Moderators, feel free to move this post to a new topic if I should have made my own instead of posting on Sanan's thread*

I strongly feel that everyone should fess up everything to their T! The whole idea of going to one is to have a safe person to which you can tell anything.

Heck you can murder someone and they can't tell or something like that? At least in the movies.

Tylas, you are funny. We got a good laugh from your "at least in the movies" comment.

I know my T believes in DID, but I feel like I have waaay too many others for her to be able to accept it. I mean, I MYSELF can't really accept it.

But my system is all mapped. It is such a thorough mapping that now I am even able to put down middle names of others! How nuts is that?!

I started early with my T. I could not tell one from the other at the start. Then have been defining a couple each week for her. If you are really against throwing them all on her at once, then do like I did. That way she gets all week to get use to the new ones.

I did not count? What are you up to? Keep in mind that you might find new ones and similar ones might combine and work together.

I am glad someone likes my lame humor.

Toast says:

But my system is all mapped. It is such a thorough mapping that now I am even able to put down middle names of others! How nuts is that?!

That's awesome! You probably know how fortunate that is for you, since many of us have to struggle to discover the existence of alters, let alone their names or roles. I just had an inkling today in therapy that two more that seemed to be there look like they definitely are -- so three alters born from the same trauma perhaps.

I would tell your T too. If she thinks your system is much simpler than it really is, she might make different therapeutic decisions. Or if she's informing herself, she may not seek out info on "populous" systems in order to help you.

Tylas, Johnny-Jack, you both make good points. I struggle soo much with my disbelief in my own DID that I am hyper-sensitive to the mere prospect of a clinician thinking I am lying. And I worry that no one will believe I have DID if I "claim" to have over 100 others. But it is important to be honest with my therapist, and tell her what I have learned about my system over a decade of processing and researching (with some time off in between when I disbelieved my DID so strongly that I dropped the "project" altogether). I guess I'm just really scared...

Sanan, how is your mapping coming along? Are there any new others, or have you discovered new traits, likes, dislikes, etc.??

Toast wrote:Sanan, how is your mapping coming along? Are there any new others, or have you discovered new traits, likes, dislikes, etc.??

I'm getting to know my alters specially muneer that I didn't know much about, and with that ali's picture is getting clearer to me. there are still some fragments/alters that I don't know much about. for example booklover and fashion guy

My newest attempt at mapping. I made a chart and this really works for me. It might work for others of you.

Mapping of Alters - I have 19 Emotional parts identified so far, so this chart really helped. I went through months of notes to find every detail.

Emotional Parts
[Name] [Location] [Sex] [Age] [Purpose] [Distinction] [Power] [PTSD] [Image]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I made the categories above and made a chart.
For Example:

[Name] - Baby Smirk
[Location] - SLC
[Sex] - M
[Age] - 9 months
[Purpose] - Mother near drowned
[Distinction] - Smirks using one side of his mouth or the other. Kicks feet like an infant. Shoulders and neck come in to get tiny, etc..
[Power] - All of mine that were abused get a power to protect them. This one has magic skin so he can breath anywhere.
[PTSD] - Yes. Most of who were abused when really young, convulse and show extreme fear if there is a sound or someone talking to them, etc..
[Image] - Yes. Some have shown me their image and others have not.

Update: (changes with BOLD)
-----------
Lots of changes of have happened since I first started this thread. I came to know a lot of my alters and the contact has become better. but the the most helpful change is that I'm able stay Co-conscious a lot more often than before.

now to my 'newer' system:-
Lots of integration has happened lately so the list is smaller now:-

little brother (10): very sensitive, needs constant attention and prone to bad depressions
anxious little brother (11): afraid of pretty much everything, gets panic attacks and is very hard to talk to
angry little brother (12): angry pretty much all the time, protector of little brother and his best friend
painkiller(integrated) (age unknown): this alter does not feel pain,sadness or anything negative. everything "bad" feels just "good" when he's out. he commits selfharm just for "fun". and the main supporter of "angry little brother". wears black and only black. was integrated with Sportsguy. and will probably integrate with 'ali' as well
(disappeared) little internal helper (15): was supposed to be independent and help the system go on by it's own. 2 years older than body. later split into everyone that has been in the system.
------------
every one from this point are parts of "little internal helper"

(disappeared) math lover (age unknown): loved math alot and had a dream of being able to predict everything in the world
(disappeared) dreamer (age unknown): used to spend his day at his room, looking at the wall and just dream away. experienced severe depersonalization and derealization. had lost contact with outside world
(disappeared) thinker (late 30's): wanted to find solutions to the problems but was drowned in his own things. no social life.
(disappeared) trendy girl (age unknown): little known about her. wanted to undergo sex-change.
sports guy (integrated) (17): knows alot about being healthy and the healthiest and strongest of us all. his heart beats with 30-40 beats/minute less than all of us. as mentioned before was integrated with painkiller
(integrated)**|fashion guy (age unknown): knows alot about fashion, cloth marks, color matching, perfumes, sprays etc. very concerned about the looks and spends lots of money
(integrated)**|positive (age unknown): very optimistic. loves wine and has great deal of knowledge about it.
(integrated)**|book lover (age unknown): don't know much about him. he loves books.
(integrated)**| poet (age unknown): very sensitive and romantic. has his collection of poems and photos he was taken/writen.
(integrated) tired (22): our previous host. he became sick when the system dissociated lately. integrated with our Advisor
------------------
(alters with names start here)

(integrated)Nabil (21): very energetic, independent, strong willpower. takes care of alot of things, very stubborn and rigid. this alter was integrated with me (current host)
Advisor (40++): smart, the systems current internal advisor
Ali (19): sexual, romantic, relationship person, likes alcohol, clubs, trance. lately became very weak will most likely integrate soon
(integrated)**Muneer (age unknown): don't know much about him. Ali's internal best friend. some of what I mentioned for Ali is probably muneer's. has integrated with all the alters marked with (**)
Saeed (32): me: current host

(13 alters currently active) not any more
6 alters currently active

You have come a long way!

I finally mapped all mine and have been able to now go back and spend time with those that I met first. I have spent a lot of time with the child-like parts, but not much at all with the abusers. What I have done has been very interesting. It's nice to have that mapping project done!

I do need to make a chart now of when the alters all first split. I have the time, but I would like to chart it to see if they is a pattern.

My Map
http://dx-dissociative-identity-disorde ... apped.html