WTF *Trigger: Ranting/Anger/Language*

I know I probably won't say all that I mean to because my thoughts are jumbled, but I want to start out with this: WOW. *applause* I don't think I could've put it in better words. I definitely know how you felt when you first wrote this post, and I think it's great. Why? Because if we didn't feel this way, we wouldn't work to heal, and no progress would be made. Not only that, but this just shows the mind's defensive system when it comes to wanting to be independent, appear "normal", not call attention to ourselves, and have no need for help.

I've definitely felt this way at times, especially lately. I was fine accepting and coping with my known alters, but now I'm having time loss again and it seems there's more. WTF? How many ARE there? Will it ever end? My childhood wasn't even that bad (to me). Why can't I cope with life like a "normal" person? Especially with how you feel about your SO. One of the newly surfaced alters I have is 2 yrs old, and I always feel bad when I lose time and she comes out and my boyfriend has to deal with her. He tells me "I love all of you, no matter how crazy you get" and "If I didn't want this I would've walked away a long time ago", but I still feel bad. He didn't sign up to be my caretaker or babysitter. So I definitely know how you feel on that one. You just have to remember that if they're still around, they do love you, and they're willing to stick out the hard times with you. I've found that what helps me feel better is I try to do special things like once a week or something for my boyfriend, like go out to dinner or give him a good massage, to show him how I appreciate his understanding and patience. Perhaps try letting your SO know, through actions or words or both, how much you appreciate her patience and understanding, and how much it means to you that she's still with you. (I think you typed "she". My apologies if I'm wrong).

Um...I'm already forgetting other things I wanted to say....I know I agree with most of the replies on here. Especially T's using DID to cover the whole spectrum instead of trying to break it up into DID/DDNOS. And about how despite what you get diagnosed with, you're still you. You've always been you. Things like DID aren't like a cold, they don't happen over night. You're just now realizing things your mind protected you from before, but you're still you. If you have alters, they're all parts of you, so you've always been YOU and will continue to be YOU, even with DID. Even if the puzzle pieces aren't glued together, they still make the same picture as pieces that are glued. And even if those pieces come apart sometimes, they're still the same pieces and still make the same picture.

Now I'm getting really fuzzy and forgetful, so I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply as I wanted. There's definitely more I wanted to say, but I have no idea what it was. I do wish you luck in therapy, however, and am glad this rant helped you to vent and feel better. I know how this site can get addicting, and like all things in life time on here needs to be balanced, so I know how you feel in that respect as well. I'm sure many of us go through angry phases and denial phases, (I know I have), and I'm sure you'll work through these feelings in time. Best of luck to you. *hugs if wanted*