Curious *may trigger*

Thank you for reading all of it. : )

I didn't mean to make this a poetry corner, lol. I have a few that I've found hidden in the corner of old notes that you might be interested, but I won't post them here unless someone wanted me to. I know there's an actual forum for poetry and I don't want to be too forward.

I really was hoping someone else also wrote things like that, but at least I know I'm original in something!

I greatly appreciate the help from you and Una+. I will keep you both updated (and anyone else who may be lurking on this thread!) as things come up.

Here's a question, though. Is there a difference between a psychologist and a therapist? Could I go to a therapist as well as a psychologist and psychiatrist?

The kind of therapist we are talking about is a psychotherapist, someone who does psychotherapy.[1] A psychologist is someone who has a PhD in psychology. Many are academics (researchers) but others are clinicians (therapists). Therapists who treat DID tend to be very specialized and more often than not they have a PhD or PsyD. Other types of therapists generally have less academic training than a psychologist, but may have equal or more hands-on training in a clinical setting. Common credential acronyms of therapists who are likely to treat DID are LPC and LPCC,[2] and MFT.[3]

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychotherapy
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Licensed_P ... _Counselor
[3] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Therapy

Ah, so there is a difference. I can work with that through my insurance! : ) At least I'll have someone to talk to, if I can manage it.
Thank you for your quick response, Una!

This post follows some PMs concerning the problem of our alters forming attachments that create problems for us and our significant others.

Linaeve, my husband and I are twice your age, and a lot of growing up happened over the decades. Also, I thought long and hard about how to disclose to my husband my shocking news about the other man. Basically I told him "I am in love with this other man but I don't love him, I hardly know him; I love you, I chose to marry you, and I am not leaving you." He took a while to process that, before he was able to hear more. I also said I felt very strange, not myself. A few months later I figured out about the DID, and found out that relationship complications like mine and yours too are the norm.

Have you told your husband about what seems to be going on with you now? Maybe DID, not BP 1 at all?

I haven't spoken to him about it. He still hasn't quite grasped that my extreme sexual nature (I craved sex from him constantly for the first two years of our marriage, and it almost ruined us) was part of BP. He still thinks he's just not able to satisfy me, and sex has become something of a hard subject to bring up. He hasn't quite understood that my delusional behavior (I used to think he was cheating on me; I'd check emails and his texts daily despite him NEVER leaving my side...it was a bad time) was also caused by BP.

He's support though, don't get me wrong. He just has trouble understanding because he doesn't have those thoughts and feelings.

I've told him I never feel quite 'myself'. After divulging some of the information I posted here (night terrors, the visual 'other mes', the panic I had that day driving), he asked me if I was taking my medication. I felt a little taken-aback by that; I had been hoping he would say something else, though I don't know what I was expecting. He says he loves me and really doesn't want to lose me, either to suicide or to a dissolved marriage. I believe he only wants the best (hence making sure I take my meds), but has been unable to understand and therefore unwilling to talk about it. I sometimes wonder if he wishes I would just be a 'normal' wife, or wishes he never met me and had a 'normal' wife. Ugh.

Sexual hyperarousal (sometimes called hypersexuality) is a common symptom of bipolar disorder but occurs also in other disorders and it is very common in survivors of childhood sexual abuse, including DID alters. It is due to hyperarousal of the autonomic nervous system. Hypervigilance has the same cause. Are you hypervigilant?

I also had a long period of sexual hyperarousal, last year. It went on for about 9 months, and at its worst it was very distressing. For example, I would wake in the middle of the night to find myself physically aroused and crazed with lust. It was coming from my Alter 1.

It is really unfortunate that your husband perceives your craving more sex than he could provide as a shortcoming on his part. The fact is, no amount of sex would satisfy that craving. Is your psychologist helping you and your husband to come to terms with this?

Una+ wrote:Sexual hyperarousal (sometimes called hypersexuality) is a common symptom of bipolar disorder but occurs also in other disorders and it is very common in survivors of childhood sexual abuse, including DID alters. It is due to hyperarousal of the autonomic nervous system. Hypervigilance has the same cause. Are you hypervigilant?

Oh my goodness. I had to look up hypervigilant, but...oh my goodness. That definition fits me almost to a 'T'. For those who may have to open up google also, here is the definition:

'Hypervigilance is one of the hyperarousal symptoms of PTSD and refers to the experience of being constantly tense and "on guard." A person experiencing this symptom of PTSD will be motivated to maintain an increased awareness of their surrounding environment, sometimes even frequently scanning the environment to identify potential sources of threat. Hypervigilance is also often accompanied by changes in behavior, such as always choosing to sit in a far corner of a room so as to have awareness of all exits. At extreme levels, hypervigilance may appear similar to paranoia.'

I won't enter a restaurant without first scanning it, knowing where EVERY person is, and sitting in a booth where the exit is clearly marked and easily obtainable. I also take note of everyone who enters, what they are wearing, and what their facial expression is. If they look angry/upset, I keep a close eye on them. I know, it borderlines paranoia, but I've lived with it for so long it comes naturally.

I won't/can't sleep where I can see the door to my bedroom, or (if that's impossible, and it usually is) if it's in a direct line to where I sleep. My back needs to be to a wall, and that includes sleeping, sitting on a couch (some people have their couches where they go passed the corner -shiver-), eating in a dining room.

I also feel as if someone is watching me constantly, so I'm always on alert. When walking at night, I will watch every single dark shadow, listen to every noise, my head will be constantly turning; in the military, my superiors have said I pay EXCELLENT attention to detail. I never turn off though, and thus I find myself exhausted by mid-day.

I also had a long period of sexual hyperarousal, last year. It went on for about 9 months, and at its worst it was very distressing. For example, I would wake in the middle of the night to find myself physically aroused and crazed with lust. It was coming from my Alter 1.

I once found myself awake in the middle of the night, humping my husband's leg. I wasn't fanatically doing it, so he didn't wake up, but I was deeply ashamed of it. I hadn't been dreaming of sex or anything. And NOTHING took the craving away; I used to think I was addicted to sex. It's been waning since I've been on medication, but I also think it's because I've been shoving it down into it's own neat little box. I've had to, or risk losing my husband even before I was diagnosed with anything.

It is really unfortunate that your husband perceives your craving more sex than he could provide as a shortcoming on his part. The fact is, no amount of sex would satisfy that craving. Is your psychologist helping you and your husband to come to terms with this?

He used to be a big womanizer. : ) When I first met him, he had been labeled the 'whore'. I always knew there was something more to a person than his labels so we dated, he made sure he was 'clean', and I found out he just couldn't hold down a relationship. The women he tried to date were the wrong kind. That didn't help. Anyway, he feels he should be able to please ONE woman if he had been able to please the others; not being able to made him feel obsolete, I guess.

I'm not kidding when I say I know all about my psychologist, but he knows nothing about me...and that is through no fault of mine. I've tried to talk to him, but he doesn't listen. He'll start talking about his peaceful garden and show me pictures, or his dog, or how his multitude of vitamins makes his life better, or the power of affirmations in his life. Then, time will be up and Ill be asking myself....'did I even open my mouth?'.

Definitely find another psychologist ASAP. Maybe take a voice activated recorder to sessions with you, just in case you do talk but don't know it because you are losing time. Any chance of that? It is odd that your psychiatrist raised the "dissociative disorder" flag when your psychologist has said nothing about that, and it is possible your psychologist already knows but for some reason is playing it cool until he thinks you are "ready" to know your situation. I read one nonfiction book recently in which the therapist waited years for the patient to work out on her own what was going on with her. Wow did that ever piss me off.

Una+ wrote:Definitely find another psychologist ASAP. Maybe take a voice activated recorder to sessions with you, just in case you do talk but don't know it because you are losing time. Any chance of that? It is odd that your psychiatrist raised the "dissociative disorder" flag when your psychologist has said nothing about that, and it is possible your psychologist already knows but for some reason is playing it cool until he thinks you are "ready" to know your situation. I read one nonfiction book recently in which the therapist waited years for the patient to work out on her own what was going on with her. Wow did that ever piss me off.

I didn't think of losing time while I was with him. I kind of wish I could lose time at points...it gets hard listening to him go on and on about his perfect garden. Makes me angry sometimes, as if he's flaunting that he's okay and stable.

He's pretty insistent that it's just BP. I wish you could have been there when they diagnosed me; they pretty much brought me in, asked me a few questions, said 'yup', then processed me to the psychiatrist for meds. It was like a cattle drive; no real interest in the person as a person. I still get that feeling, as if I'm just another cattle being driven forward, waiting to be tossed out into the open to fend for itself.

Grr. I would record him blathering away and play the recording for the psychiatrist. Skip and fast forward would get the point across that the session is all about him. That may light a fire under the psychiatrist to find you someone better.