Helping Outside Family to Get Inside Family *poss trigger*

So, the person closest in my life is having a real hard time understanding us. He understands that everyone is there, but he gets upset when I don't remember something he's told someone else, for example. He says that he thinks of them all as me, which I guess technically in some sense they are, but that doing one thing with one part is the same as doing it with me. I've gotten him to promise not to have any sort of sexual relationship with any of the Littles (I've given him their names and how they tend to act) and basically told him that if I identify as any of them to him that means I am NOT in the mood even in the slightest sense. Lately I've been trying to get him to understand that cursing and screaming in anger (not necessarily at me, but in general) is very, very frightening to the Littles (one in particular) even if it's not aimed at them or even me. Does anyone have suggestions of how to talk to him?

You have to ask him to change himself to better accommodate you. That means quitting bad habits like swearing and remembering that you're not like everyone else. It's not your fault that you can't remember things and he shouldn't take out his frustration on you. Some people change and others don't. If he can't change then leave him.

Jef

I do agree with J3f - if he's not willing to change, then you may need to leave him. But maybe there are some changes you could all make too, to help yourselves out. For example, creating a safe place in the physical house you live in that the littles (or any of you) can go to. If he wants to swear and yell, then he needs to do it elsewhere.

Maybe try using an analogy to help him understand? For example, comparing yourselves to a family. If he goes and tells his Mum something, the only way Dad will find out is if either he tells Dad, or Mum tells Dad. Dad won't just know because he's told Mum. You could expand on that with the other things he's not understanding, too.

I will continue to try to talk to him and work on helping myself out as well. We live in a small apartment, so I can't really go to another room, but oftentimes I find myself walking for hours on end. That's sort of helpful. I had a long talk with him yesterday. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for the advice.