walls and alters shinging through them

hey everyone,
I've got this internal wall set up between me and everyone inside. Its solid and it prevents me from seeing, feeling, hearing them all... Only the ISH can come through and talks to people on the outside when spoken to.
This is a relatively new thing and was used as a last resort during some huge internal and external chaos.

Its been up for 3 days now and its going well... (Apart from the unusual empty, lonely feelings I'm getting... its so quiet and I'm not used to it anymore! lol)

The weird thing is though, since the SO has been home, the others have been shining through me heaps! like, i can be talking to the SO then suddenly i sound and speak exactly like the alters. (one at a time of course lol) But, while i sound like them, its still totally 'me' talking. Its not the alter, its me and i end up saying "wow, what happened there?" but nobody answers and the SO's guess is as good as mine haha.

I don't know why i suddenly sound like them for these few words, but i can't see, hear, or feel the alters because they're all still behind the wall.

Does this sort of thing happen to anyone else? Is this what integration is like?- knowing they're there but they come across as parts of you that are not split off anymore...?? i'm really confused because i've never spoken to anyone about this and haven't read of this sort of thing happening to anyone else either...

Is it normal for the alters to just kinda shine through the host/core like that without actually being 'out' or switching??

thanks for reading, i hope someone has some idea on this, i feel like i'm a total freak lol
H.

weeble wrote:hey everyone,
The weird thing is though, since the SO has been home, the others have been shining through me heaps! like, i can be talking to the SO then suddenly i sound and speak exactly like the alters. (one at a time of course lol) But, while i sound like them, its still totally 'me' talking. Its not the alter, its me and i end up saying "wow, what happened there?" but nobody answers and the SO's guess is as good as mine haha.

I don't know why i suddenly sound like them for these few words, but i can't see, hear, or feel the alters because they're all still behind the wall.

Does this sort of thing happen to anyone else? Is this what integration is like?- knowing they're there but they come across as parts of you that are not split off anymore...?? i'm really confused because i've never spoken to anyone about this and haven't read of this sort of thing happening to anyone else either...

Is it normal for the alters to just kinda shine through the host/core like that without actually being 'out' or switching??

thanks for reading, i hope someone has some idea on this, i feel like i'm a total freak lol
H.

You're not a freak this is EXACTLY how it works a lot of the time for me, (and probably why I have "DDNOS" not DID.) no "walls" exactly, so much as this is just how things happen for me.

Its not how integration is at all, real integration is where you and the alter you're integrating with merge into one, something entirely whole, no separation, you and your alter literally become one person.

But yes, what you described sounds very familiar.

Hi!
Yep, I've had this happen!
In my system we call it "blending"... we suddenly pick up the traits and attributes of each other,
as if we were both out and blended at the same time.
It happens more and more nowadays, only with the alters who have been through therapy with me.
Difference is in my system we can feel each other, and it is really funny because we aren't always
sure who talked! It's like we're a chimera or something!
You're not weird!

Yes, this is blending. Not integration, not co-consciousness.

Una+ wrote:Yes, this is blending. Not integration, not co-consciousness.

so i guess what's going on with me is something real then

Here is some training material from the Internal Family Systems school of therapy, that explains blending: http://www.sfhelp.org/gwc/IF/ifs.htm

IFS was developed by a family therapist in response to working with clients who turned out to be multiples, but IFS turns out to be quite effective also for singletons. (Comment added later: In this training material I sense a disturbing lack of understanding of dissociation; the material seems to assume we have direct access to all our parts.)

that's a great link, it also suggests DID is not really that far off "normal" - just confirms no one here is a freak.

Right, we are not all that far off normal. The big difference is that people with DID have internal mental walls that other people do not have.

i've never really looked at it that way, you mean not having all your feelings or experiences in different selves and not able to share across everyone instead of all accessible to one self? (well i was going to say there wouldn't be everyone but then that link kinda confuses that, and it confuses me with the whole integration thing too, cause if there is supposed to be separation and separarate selves why do my separate parts integrate with therapy?)

Very much like broken_mirror's response, we're finding ourselves blending at times. Although there is a definite wall up for ME (host) when I try to see into their minds, when they're near, particularly after a long conversation between two of us, there are moments of blending. Also, we're not sure for a moment who's out and this happens frequently.

Yesterday, Jack and I had such as experience. We were shifting back and forth while out and about and both I guess tried to say something at the same time and suddenly we started talking with our dual attitudes, a mixture of our ages and knowledge, and with a new accent midway between his and mine. We were both a little weirded out. We don't like it and don't want it to happen again because we have a TON of issues to work out still.