Male Alter Living in a Female Host

Wow, the forums are back online again at last.

Firstly, it's quite common for muliples to have both male and female alters. We have about 50% male/female alters, and its not such a problem as it seems.

Sure some alters have a bigger problem with the issue than others, but its very rare for it to cause real problems.

The question I would ask is, who is having the bigger problem with the issue? Your friend's alter? Or you?

Lahl

Yeah sorry the forums were down for so long - I was at the NAMI National Convention and was unable to get onto the server from there and fix the site.

As for the question - like Lahl said it's quite common. Think of it as follows:

If you are a little girl being abused you think "If I was a boy, then this wouldn't be happening..." Well with DID you wind up creating a boy alter as a way to escape. This is the same reason you may have an alter that is real tough or real sensitive or different in another way.

Wow, at first I thought it was just my ISP which was having problems accessing this site...so glad it's back online.

No, having male alters is neither a problem, nor a sexual orientation phenomenon. Having male alters, in my case has a protective function. My male alters see themselves as removed from the abuse. Trauma occurred to female alters. From my experience, I'd say male alters are a strategy the psyche uses to create a sense of safety and strength.

I wonder if having a male(s) alters is a way of "identifying with the abuser"? Just a thought. Anyone care to comment?

Shrinkrapper

My male alter is my main alter and the only one I was aware of until just recently.

Been aware of him sense childhood.

My sense is he protects and takes care of me. He has let me know that he has suffered for me. He feels, sees, thinks, and does things I can't.

He handles feelings and thoughts I can't (although, sometimes, not constructively).

He can allow himself to feel things I can't.

Best wishes.

His name is Michael.
All i know is he is evil! he is the one that comeas when ever I get really mad. Iam a female by the way,and he is my male alter.I don't like him and hate the things he does. It isn't uncommon from what
I have red but it is hard to deal with no help i'm sure but understanding

RuffNTumble wrote:I have a female friend who has a male alter. The alter is adult and sexually active but has self image issues that keep him from feeling whole.

Is there anyone here who can help them with this issue? Anyone else living with an alter of the opposite sex?

I lived my first 26 years with a male 'character' I called 'Willie' (no pun intended). I later feel this came about partly because I have a lack of left right integration so my left brain and right brain stuff seem to work independently with my left brain self feeling rather 'male' but also as my personality traits weren't integrated some of them were 'his' territory, others weren't. Anyway, I first wrote about all this stuff in my first autobiography "Nobody Nowhere", then through "Somebody Somewhere" and "Like Color To The Blind", but in the fourth book, "Everyday Heaven", the whole sexuality thing came to the fore and I first fell madly for a male in my female self then started a lesbian relationship as my more male self (and stayed there for three years), then married (very happily) as my female self to a man. I see myself as bisexual though the feelings are completely different with each gender and I'm very happy where I am, but I guess also bi-gendered although clearly I'm female. In Everyday Heaven I wrote that I felt like I was a gay man in a woman's body, so how I sorted that into a lesbian relationship I don't know! But I don't feel male now in my heterosexual relationship... at least not in sexual mode! I have to say that whilst now seeing this patchwork quilt nature as one whole 'me' I'm still very much both male and female in my identity at different times though all of them are now 'Donna'... Anyway,... that's my lot. And in case any purists out there believe someone with Autism cannot also have DID, my photos on my site speak for themselves, call them what you will but they are at least 'quirky' and I had my say on Autism and multiplicity in several of my text books too, not to mention how bipolar can complicate both conditions.

... Donna Williams *)