New here...Not sure what to do about my DID...

I have never been diagnosed with DID, but I honestly don't see what else this could be. I am a 19 year old girl, and I have had this alter since I was 10 years old. He protected me and kept me safe from anything that could harm me, and when I was stressed or overwhelmed, he would take over so I didn't have to deal with it. I talked to him, wrote to him, I would let him take over sometimes just for fun, because he needed to get out, and he really liked to draw, it made him happy. I know I was abused as a child, it lasted for years, I believe this is when he originated, and then in high school, and somehow I heard about DID, and I was amazed.

I never thought this was a disorder, though I knew it wasn't normal. I wasn't aware that there were other people out there similar to me. However, I never could talk about it, I couldn't get help, I learned how to deal with it on my own through experience with him and reading about other people on the internet, and now, 5 years later, about to go into my sophomore year of college, here I am, finally posting, admitting that this is something that exists for me. And the only reason I am posting here, is because I am scared, I can't control it anymore, I am afraid of him sometimes, and I can't say anything about this. Two of my good friends have recently learned about him, and I discovered that he can't really stop me from typing about him, but I can't say a word. He doesn't want to go away, and as much as I have wanted him gone before, I don't either.

So pretty much, what I am wondering, is if my suspicion could be right, and I might have DID? Should I try to get help, and how do I go about bringing something like this up to a therapist or something? And just, any advice, because even though I have been dealing with this for half of my life, it still confuses me beyond belief. He destroys relationships, he makes me think horrible things, he tries to convince me to do things I don't want to, he mentally punishes me, but I love him, and I am stuck. I even thought perhaps that there were others, but they are not really developed, don't have names, and aren't really distinct.

If anyone cares to read through my rambling post, and offer any words of advice or encouragement or a direction I need to be going in, I could really use it right now.

Hey Tarequinn, I think you should try to get help. Would it be possible for you to see a psychiatrist about this, or do you have any sort of psychological counseling at the campus?

I'm afraid I can't give you very good advice about how to bring it up. Perhaps you could simply start by telling that you have lots of conflicting thoughts and impulses that confuse your thoughts and sometimes affect your decisions, and that the source seems to be like another personality inside your mind, and that person has been around for a long time. I don't know, tell the same things you mentioned in your post! A professional should be able to understand it if it was possible for me.

I'd definately advice seeing someone and talking this through, it's a lot to go through by yourself
There's no particular way to bring it up, I think you just need to explain what's going on in your head, that's what I did. I just said about the dissociation where I lost loads of time, the writings of my alters etc. Prehaps bring it up by explaining how you've had all that for years and it's been a coping method for your abuse?
Hope it goes okay!

Hi Tarequinn,

Welcome to the board. Like everyone else, I agree that you should try to see someone. If money is an issue, then check what's available through your county/state/country (whatever applies to where you are). With both therapists I've seen, I simply said that I have "characters" in my head and that I wasn't sure if they were real or not, but that either way they were (and are) affecting my everyday life. I figured the therapists could figure out, with enough sessions, what was going on and I was right. I don't know if that'll work for you, but it's some food for thought.