Turning into the host..?

This is Max. Right now I'm 15 years old, so I have a clear mind when I say this, and I have thought this over for a few days before posting this thread. I just hope that I don't bore you dudes with my droning, because I tend to do that when I type.

We believe Kim is the core, but it might also be Copy, seeing as how Copy is identical to Kim, but that's beside the point. Kim was also the host, but lately she's been dealing with a lot of emotional trouble. On top of the daily stress of being a teenage girl, she's been exceedingly upset with her father. With the divorce falling through the cracks, Kim feels betrayed by her mother and extremely enraged at her father's constant drinking. Also, her best friend, and also my crush, said some things that hurt Kim to the core. Now, Kim refused to come out into the world. She rather stay inside of our World where she's safe from everything. The only way we can coax her out is if she co-conscious with someone, or no one is at home. When we can't coax her out, I'm left in control of the body. Now, I'm a boy, she's a girl. See the problem here? My voice is totally different when I'm out and my interests are black and white to hers.

This has been going on for nearly two weeks, and her parents are beginning to notice the change in our demeanor. Both of her parents get violent when Kim brings up anything that could be related to DID, Alters, or mental problems. Of course, not physically violent, but extremely verbally. Last night I had to experience one of her mom's ragefits. It was not cool.

On top of being a boy in a girl's body, I now have to deal with her life, and, not to sound selfish, but I don't like it at all. I know I'm supposed to help Kim in anyway possible, but this is too much for me. Why not have Kendra do it? Why is this all pushed on me?

Hi Max. Makes complete sense that this is too much for you, and that you don't particularly like dealing with pretending to be a girl and taking on someone else's life. Nothing you've said sounds at all selfish to me.

Can you and Kendra take turns for now when Kim can't be coaxed out? Also, is there any way of being able to move out soon, or find somewhere else that feels safe so Kim will come back out more often?

Hi Max, that's a lot for anyone to deal with!
Do you have any safe friends you can talk to? School counselors? Maybe even a doctor.
You guys sound like you're in a bad spot and you might need some new coping mechanisms.

I (the core/host) disappeared until two years ago, when it became safe for me to come out again.
Since then I've only realized how much I put my alters through.
I was basically taking over someone else's life at that point with the lack of memories that I had.
The problem is that with DID we're put through impossible situations and delegate the problems to our
alters. I thought it would be safer if I never came out again.
But I didn't realize I was putting my life into the hands of younger alters that had to deal with my crap

You hang in there Max, know you're not alone and this isn't the first time this has happened to anybody.
If you can try figuring out who is protecting Kim (usually we disappear under layers of protection) and if you
can try to find a safe place you can go to (eg a friend's house) if your own current homelife is bad.

F is a boy in my body and he's taken over a lot. He just downplays his change as having a weird day or a bad mood.
He dislikes being girly but has grown a sense of humor about it since then. He's taken to calling it my body and
since I'm a girl he'll do his best to make sure that I look good for the outside world when I come back (if I suddenly switch out
and he's in front) ...he's gotten surprisingly good at makeup and very creative.
Everyone is doing their best to support me in my system so no one has to take over anymore.
Although they do love coming out for games, friends and snacks
I'm learning how to deal with things in an adult way.

It's really difficult being in a house with someone who drinks. Have you ever considered attending an Al-anon meeting?
It's a supportive, anonymous environment where a bunch of people who are relatives or friends to alcoholics go
to give each other support.
Also it is not cool to get verbal abuse from anybody. How do you respond when they yell at you? They shouldn't
be doing that at all. I'm sorry to hear that they're not helpful.

No one person should have to do everything when it comes to bad situations. If you can take shifts until you guys can help
Kim come back.
Even if your tastes are black and white since you're a teenager it might be easier to pass it off as the teenage impulsiveness
and trying to find yourselves. This is how I escaped detection, even from myself!

I'm not too sure what else to say but you guys dig deep and help Kim out.
The best way you can help someone is to let them help themselves.
More and more frequently I find myself kept "out" and my alters telling me "You can handle this" and me having to
face the music. I've grown up a lot in a short time... I also have been going to therapy and working on my coping skills,
working through my trauma...
Only you guys will know what is best for you... try to work for the whole system, every one of you... since you
are all very connected, even if you're split.

No...no we can't go to those sort of meeting or really visit anyone very often. We live in the country - about 15 minutes away from the nearest town, and even though Kim is 16, last time she drove, the brakes stopped working and she went off into a ditch. Now's she petrified of driving and her parents don't want her driving for a while.

Everyone in the system reacts differently to the verbal abuse - yes we've all had to experience at least once in our lives. I simply stand straight and take it, mumbling a "Yes ma'am/sir," or "No ma'am/sir". My crush, and Kim's best friend, says that I'm really robotic when I'm getting yelled at and compares me to a soldier. My "tenseness" when getting yelled at aggravates her father to no ends, so my presence during that is not really good thing.
Kendra normally handles the yelling fairly well, though when her father says something that pushes her button she tends to bite back, so to speak.
Kim normally cowers back like a scolded dog and stares at the ground while she takes it. As of a few months ago, the yelling really didn't effect her that much. She was numb to it, but now that things are rougher for her, she's been breaking down and crying at a lot of things that she normally would not. Normally, she's the type of person who cries about ten times a year, now she's crying every other week.

I'm trying to work something out with Kendra and Unknown, but they seem to be busy. Kendra's trying to be there for Kim and encourage her out and Unknown always seems to have his hands full with "making sure the system runs smoothly" to even give a damn about Kim's life. Excuse the language.

As for moving, no as of now. Her parents are considering moving into town, but they would, of course, be taking us with them. Kim is 16, and her two only friends informed her that once she turns 17 she can pack up and leave, so long as she has a place to stay. My crush and her mom offered Kim a place to stay, as did Kim's other friend. Sadly, Kim doesn't think it's quite that simple, which it isn't. Her parents keep a tight hold on her, so planning any of that out seems to be hard.