Forced Integration - How do you do this?

I have heard where some DID people have forced integration and it has not lasted.

I cannot imagine how this can be done. I'd really appreciate if someone could explain "forced integration". I would also be interested to know what caused you to split apart again. Was it something, major, minor, unknown, or what?

Thank you

Shrinkrapper

I'm not really sure I can explain the exact process of how I managed to force integration. But I would say that I really didn't do much at all, if anything. I was not quite 'guided', but almost 'shown' by Seth, and part of me now thinks its was him who did the integrating, not me.

At the time I still thought he was a 'spirit guide', so it had a very spiritual feel, probably for my benefit. The best I can describe it was focussing on each alter one by one, almost forcing them (their resistance made it harder) and converting their consciousness into balls of 'energy' if you like. Then allowing each ball of energy to coallesce with each other, one by one, till it was one great big field of energy, which was then absorbed into me.

I know it sounds all weird and sci-fi/spooky type thing.... but that was how I saw things from within the grove, guided or directed by Seth. Perhaps it was all just an illusion to me which bore no relation to the actual process, but thats how I experienced it on the inside. When I woke up a few hours later, I was apparently 'integrated' (although obviously now, I wasn't totally).

Now, with all the research I've done on DID, there is one thing I found in extreme short supply. Support and help on REMAINING integrated. It would seem that stress or shock can trigger a resplit. This was definately true in our case. We went through a relationship, selling/buying a house, relationship breaking up several times, and more, all within a very short time. The stress kept building, and I could no longer go away and hide and let others take over.... was forced to deal with the situations when I wasn't ready for it yet. So the stressed caused us to resplit after several months. (ironically, I had made an appointment to see a T about help staying integrated.... cos I could feel it happening..... the resplit happened 2 days before the appointment)

The resplit was like setting a bomb off inside. We had the worst, most painful migraine that we've ever had for about 2 weeks, tho the Dr did tests and couldn't find a cause. Medication didn't help, and eventually, after it faded, I became aware of others being there again. But of course, they were shellshocked from the entire process, and were justifiably pissed off with me for doing it to them. It's taken years to regain trust and communication with them. The last few years have litterally been like picking up the rubble from a warzone. They were angry, hurt, refused to talk to me and ignored me totally and treated me like the enemy, which in a way I was.

All I can say is that after all of us suffering so much abuse over the years, forcing integration was the worst thing I could have done, as I was then myself severely abusing everyone inside by forcing them to integrate. And they have never forgotten, and they taught me a lesson to make sure I never forget too.

who knows, I may have recovered by now if I hadn't done what I did

Lahl

Hi Lahl,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I was hoping that you would reply.

I find it intriguing how the mind/psyche provides one with images.

Yeah, I've found the same thing about finding resources on how to remain integrated, now that you mention it. It seems that stress, or maybe a certain kind of stress could cause "one" to come apart. I can think of certain situations that could trigger me if I were integrated. Actually, I don't think it would take too much to cause me to come apart even if I were integrated. Sounds like you went through quite alot before you came apart. Did I get this right, that things are worse for you now than if you hadn't forced integration in the first place?

I wonder what increases the likelihood of remaining integrated? Would anyone care to comment? Really would like to hear from you.

Shrinkrapper

shrinkrapper wrote:Actually, I don't think it would take too much to cause me to come apart even if I were integrated. Sounds like you went through quite alot before you came apart. Did I get this right, that things are worse for you now than if you hadn't forced integration in the first place?

Well, its not just a stressful incident likely to cause resplitting, but more a heavy prolonged intense stresss that has no outlet (cos you have no idea how to now lol)

You're right, I went through a lot before resplitting, lasted 8 months before we finally fell apart again. A lot happened

And Yes, Things are a lot worse for having forced the integration. We simply were not ready for it. When an alter is ready to intgrate, they will probably let you know, or just integrate all on their own, like 2 of mine did beforehand. Just imagine tho. We could have spent the last 4 or so years working on issues and healing, instead of picking up the pieces all this time, trying to find out who's still there, trying to get them to at least talk to me, just a little. Regaining a little trust and getting communication going again has been very hard and taken a long long time till we're able to work on therapy again

I wonder what increases the likelihood of remaining integrated?

Being ready for it certainly. And I mean each individual alter, not just you. Thats probably the most important thing that helps make integration 'stick'. I guess also learning new ways to cope, so that you're not trying to fall back on old habits of trying to let others deal with it. Its something that really needs to be addressed more in therapy, how to stay integrated.

There is a book that may be helpful. I have seen it on Amazon.com, published in 1995, but have not read it myself. Its called "Beyond Integration: One Multiple's Journey". ISBN#: 0393702065

Do a search for it on amazon and theres some reviews and excerpts. Whether its helpful or not, well, you'll have to tell me. Real difficult to get any books on DID over here

If this helps any, the only 2 alters that integrated by themselves and have stayed integrated, simply said to me "you don't need us anymore"...... they were gone in the morning. I guess What I can infer from that, is that I had learned to cope in a way that made them no longer necessary.... I 'had no need for them anymore', I could do it on my own now.

Don't know if that makes sense..... it does to me... but.... well..... you figure it out lol

Lahl

Hi Lahl,

Glad this site has "recovered".

Thank you for your interresting reply. I find that it's often hard to describe what happens with DID.

It sounds like your forced integration traumatized and/or really overloaded your system.

I experienced a situation a few years ago that really overloaded / fried, re-traumatized my system. I really deteriorated. I was worse than I had ever been. I thought I'd never come through it. I just sunk to the "bottom" and continued to crawl along the bottom for ages. As of late, I've had some relief.

Sounds like you are having a rough go of it. What does Seth have to say about this? You must have helper selves?

Thank you for the name of the book. I went on amazon.com. There was quite a lengthy review. It's hard to tell how good the book would be. I'm going to look into it. Are you familiar with medline.com. ? You can access psych papers on DID or whatever. Some you'd have to pay for, but I think others are free. I'll check to make sure I've given you the right name of the site.

I have found the name of another book called 37 to 1 Living as an Integrated Multiple by Phoenix Hocking. I found it on cavershambooksellers.com. Caversham is a psych book store in Toronto. I can't believe the bookstore is in Toronto. You might find the site interesting. It has an extensive list of all kinds of psych subjects.

Shrinkrapper

shrinkrapper wrote:It sounds like your forced integration traumatized and/or really overloaded your system.

You bet it did, in a huge way. We've been throuh the warzone part, the silent treatment part, the terrorise and cause havoc part, and now we're at the scary part, the part that says that things will never ever improve, that we are better off dead, so, the entire system is gearing up to s**c*de, thanks to 1 very intense and scary alter. And most of us at this point in time are looking forward to it. Myself included (I think)

I have avoided Seth for the reason thatvI fear what he may say.... kinda like a kid being disciplined by the headmaster type thing. But I know I need to talk to him about it soon

Are you familiar with medline.com. ? You can access psych papers on DID or whatever. Some you'd have to pay for, but I think others are free. I'll check to make sure I've given you the right name of the site.

Well, seems to me to be the wrong site.... deals with medical supplies as far as I can tell... no recearch papers etc, but would be very interested in finding something recent.

Unfortunately for us, we have no credit card, so are unable to buy thngs from amazon or elsewhere. makes getting any info difficult

Would be glad for any help you can give in that area (finding info, not using your credit card )

Lahl

oops, that is definitely the wrong site. Sorry..

I asked a friend. It's pubmed I got another site too --biomedcentral.com

The trouble is you can get a brief synopsis of an article, etc but the actual article costs $.

biomedcentral.com advertises itself as free access to articles, but when I went on it, I found it required patience that I don't have at the moment. Maybe you can get somewhere on it?

Sounds to me like many of your "friends" are beating up on you. You did the best you could do, but do you really think it was realistic to think that you could have maintained integration? I don't think that there are any shortcuts anymore with did, ptsd, etc.

I guess you are all upset because things didn't work out and that has added to your feelings of disappointment and failure? I had a T who didn't believe I had DID. I was quite happy to keep it hidden and deny it. In therapy I developed high functioning alters who did very well for about 10 years in the business world. I went through a breakup of a long on and off again relationship. When I had to face the fact that this man was never going to make a commitment, I crashed big time. Now I've been forced to deal with all those things, like DID etc. that I thought I could escape from. All my wrecked, suffering, poorly functioning, miserable selves have emerged and they aren't going away. It been slow, tough slugging. In retrospect, I would have crashed eventually, commitment or no commitment.

I guess you feel that things are hopeless and that things will never improve for you. If things get really bad for you, there must be a su* hotline or whatever. You will need to access it. Doesn't matter what any of you say, but you all do matter, regardless of how you're feeling or not feeling or whatever.

I guess you have to take things one day at a time.

Take Care,

s