Quieting the Chatter...

Since being more open to acknowledging my "parts," things are a lot noisier. I'm guessing this is temporary and they just have a lot to say that they didn't trust me with before or something. I'm sure my constant flip-flopping on whether or not I'm making things up isn't helping either. But, is there any way to quiet things down when just asking them to step back is met with a lot of resistance? I'm tired and my head hurts and as much as I want to get to know everyone in there...it feels a bit like the first day of school, trying to memorize 30 new names and faces. (No, not literally 30, but that same kind of overwhelmed feeling with the amount of information I'm getting from some corners). It's also confusing, because they want me to know them, but some can get pretty pissed about me sharing anything about them. I figured they're me, so the social niceties of asking their permission to share with my therapist or post info didn't apply, but...apparently they do, since they have deleted a journal entry written to my T (complete time loss) and a post here (observed take over).

Did anyone else feel this way at first? Overwhelmed, wanting someone to talk to about it, but being restricted from sharing? Are there any techniques that worked for you to slow things down a bit? I'm kind of concerned that will just piss certain ones off and then they'll blow me off or act out.

We have the same problem, where it sounds so so loud in your head! I think you need to communicate with them all to let them know that you want to get to know them, but can only do this one at a time. If you don't want the noise at all, then maybe ask them to all write down things they want to say to you when they each take over?
Take some painkillers too for any headaches your getting, we get them all the time when we're switching etc.
Explain to them why this forum is a help to you all, and they too can post on here if they wish (if you trust them enough to do so). I definately felt this way at first, but when we learnt to communicate it did get easier! We use a journal mostly, but do communicate in our mind too. We sometimes all talk at once, but we know this gets us nowhere now!

Hope this helps!

Thanks. I'm nearly always co-present (what I've been told is the correct lingo) during takeovers, so would a journal even be much help? I'll put the invitation out there, at least. It can't hurt, right? I haven't found painkillers to be much help with my headaches so far. Maybe I need to take a higher dose than I would for a regular headache...but to be honest, I try to avoid the medicine cabinet unless I'm doing well already, because I get triggering suggestions sometimes. I make my husband get stuff for me when I need it, if he's home...

I have had similar periods of "noise" in my system. You do need to treat them like they are other people. I have had fairly good success asking them to tone it down, explaining why, not just "because I said".

Thanks. I'm just always so hesitant to acknowledge their personhood, because the more I have, the louder they seem to have gotten. I guess that's what happens when you bind and gag someone for so many years.

The main problem I'm having right now is the repeated denial, self-invalidation and painful abuse every time I try to let it be "true." I don't know how much of that is coming from a part and how much of that is just me, from growing up with a parent who had her own version of reality she believed in so completely that it left me actually questioning what was true, whether I was crazy, believing that I was actually horribly to blame. It's hard for me to tell if I've made that into a part or if that is just who I am, constantly questioning and negating my own reality...it's tiresome, especially because it is very upsetting to everyone inside that I can't even believe they exist for more than a couple of hours without an abusive, self-loathing reaction. Like, this morning, I "knew" I have DID. By this evening, I was convinced I have been exaggerating, lying or deluding myself (had to resist some very bad reactions there, but luckily I was in public which makes it easier for it to only manifest mentally and not physically), and now I believe again. It's much like my other states/parts, two very different world-views, so I think this must be a part too, whose sole job is to question anything I think is true. I told my therapist on Monday night that just my believing something is true is proof to another part of me that it is false. He said it must be really hard, like going to court and being told what the verdict is before your arguments are made, and then being told you can appeal to a higher court, but the verdict will be the same...

Sometimes, I feel like I need Windex for my brain so I can just see things clearly for a bit.

I love the idea of brain Windex!

Maybe they're being so loud because they want to make sure you don't deny them ever again? For me that was the case when I first found out about them, any time I denied their existence, one of the girls would start shouting randomly where I could hear her, and others would join her in it.

Denial is a completely natural part of getting any diagnosis, especially so with DID. Even more so when there's a part who is constantly questioning you.

With the loud noise, maybe try saying to them "I can hear you. When you all talk like that though, all I can hear is a mess of noise. I need you guys to quiet down a little please." Don't know if it would help or not to validate them first, but it might be worth trying.

Have you spoken individually to any of them yet? Perhaps getting to know a couple of them individually will help. Not only will it make it harder for you to deny their existence, it may also give you a couple of alters who can help get the rest to quiet down when they do start making so much noise.

The four-year-old talks and listens to me quite easily...but no one else in there seems to give a crap what she seems to say. She is the one who most wants to get close to T and most of the others (or the others that are distinct, as I feel like there's a young toddler who hangs out with the four-year-old sometimes, but she doesn't really talk, just cry) are either negative or ambivalent about it. The teens will sometimes talk with me, but they're teens, so they pretty much dismiss anything I have to say outright. My caretaker (abusive protector) was like, "OK, we'll try it your way" for a while, but when we had our rupture with the therapist and the kids' emotions went out of control, the trust in my ability to determine what is best for the kids was called into question and that part has been more aggressive about regulating our connections. The therapist asked specifically on Monday what that part's shaming of the little ones is about and we talked about its protective function. It was a weird experience, where I was, at once, the intellectual me describing what I've observed and the caretaker, defending their behavior. I think if the therapist understands how hard that part has been working to keep everyone safe, acknowledges it and promises to be safe to us, to clean up any cuts and bruises we get while we're visiting him, to make sure that we all feel OK before sending us home...I think that part might get back around to listening again. That is a part, if I can get it to be nice, the kids will stop being as afraid and listen. I don't know what to do about the dang teens, though...T has sons my age and younger, so maybe he knows how to deal with them better than I do. I helped to raise my younger sisters (and my baby brother is 14, my niece is 15), so I have some experience...but my teens just want to be left alone right now. I guess I need to give them some space.

Good to know that the invalidation stuff is common. It's driving me crazy! Plus, my therapist is very much depending on me to contribute to the diagnosis (normal?), so when he makes so much of it about how I perceive myself, I start to think I'm engineering the whole thing somehow.

I really appreciate all the input I'm getting here. It's so much easier to share here, where everyone is specifically talking about this topic. Note quite so much projecting that everyone things I'm a lying, manipulative ...

Well, it's worth a try I suppose!
Lemme know if you manage to find anything that works for you, good luck!

Ugh...sorry about that...deleting what I wrote before. Wiped out and my head is killing me, but therapist texted and checked the littlest one who was scared by all the noise from the big kids and we're doing better now, but just really disoriented and confused.

There are many ways keeping a journal can help. Even "conversation" writing helps. This is where you sit down and let your alters write out a conversation instead of talking on the inside. For one it helps them learn to be patient and take turns and also cooperation with you and as a whole. It can also improve the chatter inside after they learn patients and cooperation. I suggest this to anyone who would like to communicate in a more efficient way with their alters.