Treating Child Alters like real Children....

Ohh I see.

["katana"]"I think its different for everyone - i'm also not that knowledgeable about alters or dissociative disorders except what i know of my own, but up until the other week all the child parts i could find were very disturbed and centered around trauma, it was only through helping those parts resolve the trauma that other parts hiding underneath them would come out eventually. i found my first "happy healthy" child alter/ dissociated ego state when i was away on holiday. a part of me that had literally not been out at all since i was a kid, and brought back a lot of connection with my childhood that had been missing. the only solid thing i can think of about bringing out alter who are hiding is if you have protective alters hiding others, you need to show them that you will look after the system now, and begin to do that/learn to do that in a healthy adult way so you can eventually prove to them its safe for them to step aside. i'm not counting at the moment!"

I can't argue with that. I also think that when those you communicate with are treated well, others will feel it's safe to come out too. I have a happy one too! Doesn't that feel good! I don't remember being a child, but she lets me know how it must have felt to be one. In my happiest adult moments it cannot match her happiness at times. She gets scared and convulses too, but she can be so carefree and happy!

Think of it this way though - take a mother that lives through her child or only has one child. She might smother her, push her to do all the things she wanted to do, want to spend time with her. Perhaps she does not let her child develop real friendships with peers or maybe she just loves that child so much she cannot put her down often. Now take a charming alter that makes you feel good. It's only natural to want to spend more time with that one and love and care for her. All your alters complete you, but that one pulls on your motherly instincts.

I have a 2 year old girl that carries an axe. I feel more compelled to spend time with her because she seems to need it the most. I could get obsessed easily with helping/being with her.

"I know the book you mean, didn't know there were any tapes tho. i've done the same thing with telling them i'm going to be mum now and look after them. that's worked pretty well and over time doing what i can to keep that promise has helped earn their trust, and as i mentioned above has helped protective ones step out of the way so i can help those hiding."

The book gives you the text and you use a recorder to make your own tapes. I still use the affirmations but have totally changed the tapes now. This sends a nice message, but its when I don't have the tape on that my alters communicate with me best. Yep, being Mum is what they need. A good Mum!


"i can't do anything like stuff round a table and have a "fun house" or something cause i don't dissociate and go into my head. i've been able to visualise "rooms" some of those child parts have been in, but only because they have been shown to me. this is how i feel about things and how they work for me, but again things are different for everyone: i did once feel like i was about to dissociate, everything felt pretty weird for a moment, but it didn't complete. (fear?). and tho those parts of me are real - if there are "places inside my head" those places are not real because they are inside my head, whereas parts of me are parts of a person. i think those aren't the same thing. but if you already dissociate and go inside your head, that is where you are working from, and it might be necessary to start things in there before you can "take everyone out into the real world". then again, for all i know there could be a 24/7 party going on in there i have no idea of i know there was "someone crying" recently, which came as a bit of a shock. when i was trying to figure out some problems i had and realized i had been "incorrectly mirrored" i tried looking for the original, and discovered it was me. so i think its healthiest to stay right where i am. i do feel like the other parts of me "come forwards" or fade out backwards tho.

so most of the "fun stuff" i've done in "inner child work" has been centered around experiencing the real world, and showing them there's good stuff out there cause most of them have been in hiding a lot, and all of me is supposed to be able to be "out" in the real world. they've split off and gone and hidden cause something has made that happen, and i need to show them it can be safe and happy to come out now."

Making a safe and happy place for them is my goal too. I have so many stuck in trauma that I have been working to help them understand that is all in the past and not currently happening. It's working.

"I really relate to that. i only feel what other parts of me feel when they are there with me (? "near the front" ?) and often when really strong emotions come through. i prefer it when "more of me" is there. i feel a lot more whole as a person than i used to. i felt very much like something was missing. i don't even know if they think separately from me or what, but the feelings often make no sense to me and i have to work out what's going on, and emotionally "feel out" or listen for answers. or i can ask, and get thought-images & feelings back."

Yes, so confusing and at the same time feeling more whole for the first time ever.

"Integration and addressing trauma, from what i've done, mostly helping heal trauma in the same way you'd do with a real child, helping them understand, grieve pain, love addressing trauma being for example where a child part of me has been abandoned, hearing them, giving them the love & attention they should have got after the traumatic event that made them feel abandoned, & unabandoning them. i think its about dealing with and reframing the event, and the love that heals the trauma has to be in relation to the trauma, reframing it as dealt with, and fulfilling unfulfilled needs. with older child parts i'm finding there's a need to bring them out into the real world and help them find the things they need from others. for example with the little blue one its love and acceptance. (she got rejected.) the main difference between helping a real child and helping a child part of me has been taking back feelings & memories for myself. usually all the dealing with things happens first, when that means trauma, it means gradually taking on a lot of pain and dealing with it myself, strong feelings, flashbacks, etc then "integration" is quiet & uneventful. i just feel more emotionally whole, and more emotionally adult, its different from "other parts of me being there" and pieces of me that were traumatized integrating doesn't make me feel more traumatized, there is just sadness and acceptance, and im finding time heals. and each time it happens it appears to be very permanent. with less traumatic parts, i haven't got as far as integrating any completely, but have accepted back some childhood memories, they just suddenly appear like they have been shared. i don't feel like i have the original "emotional memories" yet, but there are less big blank spaces than before. (most of my childhood was a big blank space ) those parts don't stick around for long at the moment, i feel like i wish they would, cause when they are there i feel like im living not just existing."

This is so helpful to me! I am trying to get the memories back, but so far I have not. I remember very little before age 12 and a little more but not much before age 16 when I was married.

"one of the strange things i've found is that after one integration i didn't get back all the memories the child showed me as flashbacks. i dont know why. my therapist told me this could be cause other parts of me were protecting them, and the other alternative is that they were never committed to long term memory, and that they only knowledge i'll ever have of them is flashbacks, or memories of those flashbacks. (definitely flashbacks not hallucinations. lol VERY PTSD.) other parts of me have had some weird possibly related sort of things going on, so i'm not sure. there's no guarantee everything will come back, depending which it is. i'll take whatever comes."

I know what you mean. I don't have PTSD, but most of my alters do.

"well i actually meant parts of that paper were suggesting those child ego states were "childlike states" not "pieces of the child self", and its the one part i disagree with... but"

"that's what Kailen is then, my ISH. i can ask her to help one of the others and it works. ahhh now i understand how she could appear! she's been around longer than i thought. this might sound silly too, but i tried to draw myself a few times, not about how i looked physically, but how i looked emotionally like i wanted to record "who i was" at the time. (before i knew what was going on) she's in there in 2007. i don't know when she arrived. i wanted to believe she had always been there, for obvious reasons, the implications are kinda ugh, PD. i know its not my fault, its just $#%^, that's all. ."

Nothing that helps you to understand and communicate is silly! I should ask my older ones to help the younger ones! I had read about that, but had not thought about really doing it!

"all my ?alters? hide (for different reasons.) one literally hides, like someone with AvPD would, and is terrified of the outside world. another sits in there being passive aggressive, angry, and sulking, lol. there is something that needs to be let go of there. its taken a lot of work to get them out more."

I have read about that, where alters have hiding spots.
This is the best book I have found on DID/DDNOS
COPING WITH TRAUMA-RELATED DISSOCIATION
In the book it says... pg 84 and 85 In the Section about Creating a Safe Place
The more parts express their pain, the angrier and more hurtful other parts become, because they cannot tolerate what they consider to be weakness. The more angry and critical parts are toward other parts the more these parts suffer. This creates and endless loop of inner misery and lack of safety.


"the above! for all the way ive come there's further to go or i'd be whole already. i guess i'll understand more later."

I think we are all grasping to understand!