A big consideration. (Advice needed)

I'm not sure if this will be a good idea, but there's no harm in even asking for some advice.

I, as someone other then the host, am considering locking all of us, the alters, I mean, away from the host. You see, as of late, some of us have been causing E a lot of trouble, more then worth mentioning. She's been going through pains, but physically and mentally because of us. I can make sure all her pain stops, but I'm worried. If i do decide to do this, not only would E forget about us, but I would not be able to take care of her if something were to happen.
A part of me doesn't want her to forget, because that will cause me pain. and yet, I know it will help the host for the long run. She needs to learn that she can walk on her own feet; that's she's stronger then she's letting on.
Am I being selfish? I know something that can help the host, and I'm not willing to do it because of my own feelings about the situation. In all honesty, I've never come across this issue before, and in fact, have disappeared before just fine, so I'm not sure as to why I feel this way now. Perhaps there is something that is holding me here. perhaps I am worried about something happening. but why now? I should be fine, and yet I feel myself not ever wanting to disappear again.
I should do what's right for the host; it's my job. I need advice. I'm at a loss for an answer myself.

- Demi

Sorry to say I'm not qualified at all to give you sound advice but I will put my two cents in and maybe ruffle some questions you can ask yourself.

Could it be that you are hesitant for a good reason? You or someone else might be trying to communicate a reason you have failed to overlook. One that may cause the host problems and no way to return yourself to help (as you have mentioned).

Although I personally think that if everyone can work together that would be far better than leaving the host alone to deal with the world. Keep in mind that E might have broken off for a reason and you are leaving them without the family and without the whole self to be able to cope. It is possible if this is done that E may break apart again and form more. Only everyone in your system can know if cooperation is possible. In ours it is because most of us are willing to sacrifice each other for everyone else. Which of course leaves nobody to benefit. Maybe you can find a way to be in the middle of that and try to halt what is causing issues.

Be careful with this. It is good if she learns to walk on her own feet, but she needs training wheels first. I would imagine integration would be a better alternative than trying to hold everyone in. This way she is whole and is actually able to handle things that happen. Be careful on permanent decisions my friend, or try to find a plan B or failsafe if things don't happen like in a perfect world.

Don't do it.

Just because you are locked away does not mean you will stop affecting her. Alters on the inside affect the person on the outside. If you are locked away, you won't be able to help yourself and you'll only end up hurting her more. I went internal for a long time once. I and everyone else at that point went away and it was horrible. Jef was born and was required to be the host without any help or knowledge from us. It took a while for me to be able to see the light of a day again and it's a miracle that I did.

You need to work together to be a more functioning system. If you want to spend less time out that's fine, but you can't lock yourself away. She will miss you if you were to disappear and be left with an emptiness in her heart.

Jake

Sia,
Integration would not work, sadly. We have some younger alters running around, and, even with a planned, consented attempt at integration, the youngest, Ann, still refuses to allow it. She's a squirmy one, that's for sure. Zach on the other hand, has said he is fine with going away, but not fading into E.
And with me, I do not plan to integrate soon. I have to take care of the others first as a top priority.


Jake,
I understand what you mean, but you also must see where I am comming from. For the past few months we have caused her so much trouble. She has lost great friends, and even though she as aquired some new ones, they wish to get rid of us anyway. In fact, one of her new friends insists that if E "turns to God", all her issues will go away, including us.
As someone watching all of this from the inside, I can not help but feel like I have to do something to fix this for E.

-Demi

There will always be people that view all of you (I'm the host by the way) as merely a problem that can be done away with instead people with souls that deserve rights. I would suggest avoiding these ignorant people at all costs. Even people who seem to be your best friends until they get to know you. It is there problem and they're only going to hurt.

People end there own existence all the time, usually through suicide, but what gives you the right to take away the existence of the others.

Locking an alter away is an extreme measure. It should only be used as punishment for someone who is not willing to cooperate. You can establish ground rules and try to get everyone to follow them.

If you haven't done so already please read through this forum. You'll find that alters can hold pieces of a person that keeps them from functioning so well. These pieces can memories, emotions, or other things that must be released before a person can reach stability or integrate. If these alters get locked then they will never heal and E will be in a worse condition than she is now. This also often why alters act out. You can work through this in therapy or on your own.

You sound like you have trouble communicating directly with E. You can leave her a note and only front long enough to write it if you really want to stay out of her life. It's a much better solution, because you can change your mind later when you feel more stable.

I know I need the others to help me deal with life and they need me. In the beginning I wanted them gone, but now I know why they existed in the first place and it was to help me cope. We all work together and I could never let them go.

Jake

Hey Demi,

while locking yourself away seems like a good idea, there are other ways around it. Locking people away is always a last resort kind of thing and i think theres some more things you can try first.

Whats your internal communication like? Do you talk to the core?

Can you get your host/core to create an island or something like it (secret garden? secret room? hospital? i dont know, the opportunities are endless really) but anyways, yeah they create the safe place thats away from the host and then get everyone who you think is hurting her there. Make sure the safe place is exactly that- safe! And you might also like things like loud speakers so you can hear the 'outside' and know when the core needs you. This safe place can also have a magical 'aura' or forcefield that stops all flashbacks and emotions and the like from penetrating through to the core and keeps everyone inside it safe. It can have magical passwords or keys or whatever you like to make sure that you can come and go when needed.

If this is not suitable, try constructing a brick wall between you and the core. She will not be able to hear you very well (when it happens to us i (i'm the core/host too) have to literally scream or yell through or over the top of the brick wall to be heard. And then the replies are always half made sentences or ideas coming back through.Usually though, the ISH is always there and able to come through to reassure me they're all still there and safe.

If i were you, i'd be proud that you're trying your hardest to help your core and try these things before leaving her. Like someone else already said, you're probably hesitant to leave her because she needs you right now.

There's a thread on here that shouldn't be too far down that has the topic of locking away an alter or something like that, have a read of that and see what you can get out of it. But yeah, like everyone says, locking away an alter (or yourself for that matter) should only be done in dire circumstances... we've done it because we have had to and we didn't do it lightly either... it's a big topic in itself and it's kind of like the big integration debate, some people are violently opposed to it (us ) and others are all for it...
Really though, i think what ever works for you and yours is whats best. DID is such a personal thing and no-one can tell you yes or no to something unless they have your system. which is impossible!

Hope that helps some

Hi there.
Preventing your host from feeling more pain might seem like the right thing to do at the time,
and it's very kind of you, but cutting your host off from the different sources of herself (you guys)
won't help in the long run, nor will cutting her off from pain help her either.

Life always has pain, the best choice is to find ways to cope and work through any pain you may
encounter together. You may not have had this option before, and I am definitely aware that I've had
alters try this same course of action out of love for me.
But it was always from the point of view that pain=bad... not all pain is bad.
Pain is a teacher, it helps us to know what is not helpful, when to stop something, and when something
is unproductive. It helps us to measure the bounds of how much we love when we are at a loss.

She can still learn to walk on her own two feet, but as with everyone it will take some time. And it will take
some help, which is sounds like you are plenty
There may be some alters that are still causing her trouble but they are in trouble too. Over time they will
need to heal as well.
You all hold special strengths unique to you that you will need to share with your host!
In my system, F holds the childlike wonder and excitement I thought was dead to me. It's very important
that you guys learn to help each other out and cope together.
I mean it when I say you're all wonderful, and that you all have hidden talents that might surprise even you!
As for your host, begin to trust her a little bit at a time... make sure things aren't too premature because
she needs to learn to cope and to do things as well.

I am also an alter, and my host has been going through a very hard, depressive time, where she wishes to commit suicide, and has nothing truly going for her. I will not into the details of her life. She has other alters, and all have been causing her trouble. In the beginning, it was just the two of us. We both would not do anything stupid, if one could deal with a situation better, that one would take over. Lately, it is as though the host herself is never out, and if this were to be fixed, she may loose her suicidal tendencies. She has been overdosing on allergy medication, taking three or four different ones each day, and says its because they don't work by themselves, but the truth is that she wants to die.

Just a few moments ago, the door to outside was open, and we heard a snap. Thinking there was someone outside, that might be able to harm us, I urged her to go to the door but she waved it away, as though a murderer could walk in and kill her, and it would be inconsequential. This was one of the few times she has been out, mostly because she is weak, and the other alters have stronger personalities, more strength to take control of the body when the need arises. There is truly never a need for the host herself to arise. So I thought that if I locked everyone else up, including myself, all would be well. But we have tried that before, but only with one of the alters, and it backfired. I will not go into the pain and agony it brought upon everyone, not just the host. Which is why I hesitate to do it again. As should you.

Though we believe we are doing right, we possibly aren't. We are making things worse. The host has problems. The alters deal with them. It isn't supposed to be like this, in my opinion. At least, this is how it is in my situation. The host needs to learn to deal with all of this herself, yes? I was wrong though. By making her, forcing her to deal with it all, it surprises, shocks, and rises the defenses of our host, making her not stronger, but weaker, and more vulnerable and hurt than before when she has us unlocked.

As much as we would like to help, in whatever way we can, we cannot choose to lock everyone because we feel it is right. If the host wishes it, we should oblige. If not, we deal with that, and live through life as usual. But i do suggest that you speak to your host more often. If you are stronger than other alters, push them out of the way, and let the host take over, so that she may have a time in control, which is possibly what is best for her.


I might be wrong in what i have said, and you can tell me that, indeed I would much rather like to hear what you have to say, but whatever you choose to do, make sure you have your host's TRUE needs in front of everything. Search for something different that you may try, other than locking everyone away. Either way, I do believe you should speak with your host before trying or deciding any plan of action. It is a vessel we all share, do we not? Therefore, you must include those of which are apart of your plans, especially those who are the reasons for your ideas. Am I right or have my words confused you? If so I apologize. But if they have helped, I am glad that they have.

Also, do not feel guilty of your feelings of selfishness and indecision about this entire matter. You are not being selfish. You are trying to help your host. Indeed, that is what we are here for. She is strong, I believe that. But it would be better for her to take one step at a time in being in control, than making her jump into the water head first, making her have to deal with all aspects of her life. It is almost always normal for us to feel uneasy when it is us who are to disappear. Not only because we don't want to leave, but also because we don't want to leave the host to deal with everything, mostly because we doubt she may be able to handle it, strong or otherwise.

Though many of you are creating conflicts, it is better for her to have conflicts and people around her to help stop and create them, than to have only herself and deal with both. Maybe one day she will be ready for that big step. But for now, she needs to have time. Though she is going through many turmoils because of you all, you are still helping her. Though you create situations that make her sigh in frustration and look away depressed, you still help her at times, whether you believe you do more hurt than good. From how kind and loyal you seem to your host, I am certain you do more good for her than bad. So feel no guilt from thinking only in your hosts' best interests.

Be glad that she has someone such as you by her side to worry and care for her, more than she can do for herself. You should do what is right for your hosts. It is your job. But this is not the way. You need not take my advice, or you may take it to heart, That is your decision and yours alone. I pray you shall do what is best. For you seem to be of the most excellent alters, and I am glad people have alters such as you around them. For you truly care for what happens to your host. Which many alters don't. It is an honor and responsibility you should carry with pride, though the burden may be too much to bear. You are a good person. That is how i know you will make the right choice. Only you and the host know what that is. Discuss it with her, and see the outcome together, thoughts intertwined. Then I am sure, you will do the right thing.

I wanted to thank all of you. All of you have given me the advice I need in order to make an informed choice. E and myself, as well as the other alters, had a sit down chat about this last night. Even though Ann got upset and tried to lash out at E and Zach, I was able to calm her down.
We have, as a unit, decided that, even though it seems like a good idea to help E, at this moment, locking us away will indeed cause her more pain the she should go through again.
Thank you all for giving your advice. I know we all appreciate it.

-Demi