Alter in love was a mystery to me

tylas wrote:That could be dangerous!

Heh. The longing isn't so overwhelming any more, and it is tempered with new wisdom and more life experience. At its worst I managed not to jump his bones. Although I did have a lot of anxiety about that possibility before the integration, now I don't think there is any risk of that happening.

I am lucky so far. Mine all range from newborns to 12 years old and have no love for men at all!

I do though.

I can't even imagine what you are dealing with!

I didn't really feel like this thread applied to me much until last night! I was hanging with my good friend, and he started to do/say thing that made me think he was getting attracted or something. I am NOT attracted in any way. I just love having him as a friend right now, because he's pretty much my only friend!

But I started to act differently, and I had to consciously snap myself out of it. It was like I was fighting for control. I started to turn into that girl I was with my last boyfriend, very refined, romantic type. Yuck.

I don't want to fight for control! I like who I am when I am with Mikey(fake name). I am free to let like 80% of that little girl out. I don't want that to change!!! I just feel happier when I am that way, and this friend is the only one I can let that side of me out with. He doesn't care that I curl up on the floor with my stuffed animal But I do NOT want a relationship. He's like 15 years older than me for crying out loud (my sister's husband is his best friend)

dividedtruth89 wrote:I didn't really feel like this thread applied to me much until last night!

Whoops! So, do you think a part of you is attracted to him? Or is there a part whose job is to gratify a man who gives you certain signals? Can you ask him what he intended? Did his behavior mean what you thought it meant?

Una+ wrote:Whoops! So, do you think a part of you is attracted to him? Or is there a part whose job is to gratify a man who gives you certain signals? Can you ask him what he intended? Did his behavior mean what you thought it meant?

I really don't think there is an attraction. If so, "it's a mystery to me!" I think it may be the gratification job thing. I can remember being super scared of physical stuff with my first boyfriend at 16...I was really naive then. I think I thought that if somebody was acting like they were attracted, it was my job to respond, just because I really longed for feeling loved by a man. Like I was filling the emotional need of having a father figure. I don't need that anymore though. I got Daddy back

If I have a boyfriend, I want it to be for something real, not some subconscious need/desire to be loved. And I just don't even like that person I was then. Ew.

I don't think I can ask him what he intended...Scary! I guess I'll just have to wait till he does something so blatant that I have to say WHOA tiger I'm not into you like that!

My therapist has been wondering about my system. As anyone on this forum can see, in some respects I am very open, seemingly even attention seeking, yet my alters don't pop out. I have been wondering too, and reading, and I have found where I fit. Richard Kluft in his 1985 edited book Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality, chapter 9, Natural history of Multiple Personality Disorder, says:

While adult cases' personalities usually have considerable autonomy and investment in separateness, they may or may not, in the course of performing their functions and achieving their missions, appear to need to develop or show their differences.

For clinical purposes [...] a strict reliance on DSM-III criteria will probably perpetuate the delayed diagnosis and misdiagnosis of patients with multiple personality disorder.

It may be useful to review patients' statements relevant to the manifestness of their multiple personality disorder, along with insights gained in the course of treatment. Patient and therapist observations concur that the resiliency of the host personality, that personality in ostensible control of the body most of the time over a period of time (3), is a major determinant. If the host is fairly robust, relatively few external stimuli will overwhelm it and prompt the emergence of specialized alters. Furthermore, a powerful host, resilient in the face of stressors, may be able to suppress others for long periods. If such an arrangement is fairly stable, there may be no overt evidence of multiple personality disorder for many years on end. It stands to reason that in many patients, the openness of their multiple personality disorder may fluctuate with the degree of stress in their lives.

Another dimension relates to the personalities' degree of cooperation. [...] If cooperation is high, but clandestine and unknown to the host, the most one will find is subtle evidence of one alter's influencing another; that is, some of the passive influence first-rank symptoms. If the alters are in conflict and contention, but their battles lead to no clear-cut victories, the patient, his clinical picture dominated by signs of such battles, may appear borderline or psychotic. If alters in conflict succeed in replacing one another in control, one sees overt multiple personality disorder. Hence, issues of power and relative strength among alters influence the clinical presentation.

A related dimension is the way the personalities learn to influence one another. [...] If they do so covertly, or manipulatively, passive influence phenomena are seen in an apparently unified individual.

Another dimension is secrecy. Sometimes personalities choose to keep their existence hidden; sometimes powerful alters suppress others. Under such circumstances, patients usually know of, but disavow, their multiple personality disorder, and do not answer diagnostic questions with candor.

My alters are not invested in their separateness, but they are very covert and most or all of us are tired of being this way. The mission is not to become overt, but to integrate all into one, once and for all, so that we can all live a full life.

Una, those are awesome quotes and, not surprisingly, I don't recall reading them. But I loved the book and found it very clarifying for me, very valuable and applicable, despite its being 26 yrs old! It got me considering whether family members might have DID and I've discovered my suspicions, due to the book, were correct.

Patient and therapist observations concur that the resiliency of the host personality, that personality in ostensible control of the body most of the time over a period of time (3), is a major determinant. If the host is fairly robust, relatively few external stimuli will overwhelm it and prompt the emergence of specialized alters. Furthermore, a powerful host, resilient in the face of stressors, may be able to suppress others for long periods. If such an arrangement is fairly stable, there may be no overt evidence of multiple personality disorder for many years on end. It stands to reason that in many patients, the openness of their multiple personality disorder may fluctuate with the degree of stress in their lives.

Sad, sad, sad. I ranked very low on the dissociation scale, whose proper test name I cannot recall. 30+ being likely DID and I scored 34 I think. Unfortunately I was a robust host who was able to suppress the others for decades and very diligently went about reducing the scope of my life ever smaller so that stress would be absolutely minimized. Much to my detriment. Powerful, functioning hosts out there, those who appear mostly to "have it together," let this be a warning. Don't sweep it under the rug. You run the other way at your own peril. Because the underlying damage must be addressed if there is to any hope of real health, happiness and peace of mind and soul.

I just finished watching True Blood, the HBO series about vampires. Vampires are already dead but when they are finally destroyed, they experience the true death, i.e. they won't be coming back. I'm just trying to make sure that what I've been experiencing the past couple decades isn't the true death, because I will tell you, although I appeared to have a life, in fact I was the walking dead. And sadly I knew that. Sorry not to end with something uplifting, but it is what it is.

Yes, Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality is excellent, and on my list of books to own. The copy I just finished reading was borrowed.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Sad, sad, sad. I ranked very low on the dissociation scale, whose proper test name I cannot recall. 30+ being likely DID and I scored 34 I think. Unfortunately I was a robust host who was able to suppress the others for decades and very diligently went about reducing the scope of my life ever smaller so that stress would be absolutely minimized. Much to my detriment.

Same here. My life is wonderful and yet... For years I have been telling people something feels terribly wrong with me, something is missing. Sure enough. If my alters hadn't started talking, would I ever have figured it out? Did I have to meet someone like the other man, fall in love with him, just to make them start talking?

Una+ wrote:My therapist has been wondering about my system. As anyone on this forum can see, in some respects I am very open, seemingly even attention seeking, yet my alters don't pop out. I have been wondering too, and reading, and I have found where I fit. Richard Kluft in his 1985 edited book Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality, chapter 9, Natural history of Multiple Personality Disorder, says:

While adult cases' personalities usually have considerable autonomy and investment in separateness, they may or may not, in the course of performing their functions and achieving their missions, appear to need to develop or show their differences.

For clinical purposes [...] a strict reliance on DSM-III criteria will probably perpetuate the delayed diagnosis and misdiagnosis of patients with multiple personality disorder.

It may be useful to review patients' statements relevant to the manifestness of their multiple personality disorder, along with insights gained in the course of treatment. Patient and therapist observations concur that the resiliency of the host personality, that personality in ostensible control of the body most of the time over a period of time (3), is a major determinant. If the host is fairly robust, relatively few external stimuli will overwhelm it and prompt the emergence of specialized alters. Furthermore, a powerful host, resilient in the face of stressors, may be able to suppress others for long periods. If such an arrangement is fairly stable, there may be no overt evidence of multiple personality disorder for many years on end. It stands to reason that in many patients, the openness of their multiple personality disorder may fluctuate with the degree of stress in their lives.

Another dimension relates to the personalities' degree of cooperation. [...] If cooperation is high, but clandestine and unknown to the host, the most one will find is subtle evidence of one alter's influencing another; that is, some of the passive influence first-rank symptoms. If the alters are in conflict and contention, but their battles lead to no clear-cut victories, the patient, his clinical picture dominated by signs of such battles, may appear borderline or psychotic. If alters in conflict succeed in replacing one another in control, one sees overt multiple personality disorder. Hence, issues of power and relative strength among alters influence the clinical presentation.

A related dimension is the way the personalities learn to influence one another. [...] If they do so covertly, or manipulatively, passive influence phenomena are seen in an apparently unified individual.

Another dimension is secrecy. Sometimes personalities choose to keep their existence hidden; sometimes powerful alters suppress others. Under such circumstances, patients usually know of, but disavow, their multiple personality disorder, and do not answer diagnostic questions with candor.

My alters are not invested in their separateness, but they are very covert and most or all of us are tired of being this way. The mission is not to become overt, but to integrate all into one, once and for all, so that we can all live a full life.

Thanks for posting those snippets Una, I found them helpful.

Well, this week it has all been a new alter in lust. On Monday the feeling was almost overwhelming. And it all started with the intrusive thought that the other man is (or was) infatuated with me. A thought as a trigger...? I have no solid evidence to support that thought; it is just there. I am waiting for this new "duck" to show its true self. Is the feeling of lust a defensive mechanism intended to respond to men who lust after me? Or is it an authentic part of me that I had disavowed, rejected, disavowed?