Alter in love was a mystery to me

carpediem46 wrote:So, do you think Alter 2 is obsessing about this man out of fear, more than lust?

Have you encountered the theory the human personality has two fundamental parts, Intellectual and Emotional? Some of the top researchers into DID think that in DID there is structural dissociation, fracturing, and the first and largest fracture occurs between these two parts. This seems to fit what I sense in my system. I sense that Alter 1 is an Emotional Personality and Alter 2 is an Intellectual Personality.

Anyway, it isn't lust. It is need, desire, craving, yearning, longing, but not exactly lust. I feel an attachment wound; I crave attention and contact, not sex. Sex would be a way of gratifying that need, but not the only way.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Attachment_theory

Multiple Personality Disorder as an Attachment Disorder
Peter M. Barach, 1991: DISSOCIATION, 4, 117-123
http://www.peterbarach.com/MPD%20as%20a ... sorder.htm

carpediem46 wrote:Does alter 2 ever speak about themselves, or purely for or about alter 1?

So far, Alter 2 has said nothing about himself.

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Here is something I posted in another thread, but relevant here.

My alter has a love obsession. Before discovering my DID I read Susan Forward's book Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go and it just didn't make sense. In particular, the part about how thoughts lead to emotions lead to behavior lead to thoughts. I was aware that for me the emotions came first. Last week I read the entire book again and now it makes sense but application is problematic. In effect, I am the (novice) therapist here, my alter is my client, and my own therapist is my supervisor. I need desperately to establish communication with my alter.

Last night I watched the 1st half of season 2 of United States of Tara. **SPOILER** Tara has begun to be co-conscious with her alters. Her alter Buck demands use of the body so he can pursue Pammy, a woman Tara and Max saw in a bar. Tara refuses but Buck takes the body anyway, causing Tara to lose time. Buck and Pammy become an item. Tara finds herself in Pammy's bed and is horrified, but hides Buck's activities from Max. Tara explains about DID to Pammy, who is devastated. Pammy reveals the affair to Max, devastating both Max and Tara. Max fights with Tara over her keeping this a secret from him, then they have hysterical bonding sex.

All of this had me in tears over my Alter 1 and the other man. Too close to home.

I can't say I've seen it, but it's definately on my list of things to watch. I hope you're okay now and it wasn't too much of a nasty shock for you was it Alter 1's feeling you were feeling do you think?

carpediem46 wrote:was it Alter 1's feeling you were feeling do you think?

I was feeling my own feelings, seeing the heartbreak experienced by all parties in such a situation. Tara and Buck share a body but are attached to different people.

I feel sorry for Alter 1, not just because Alter 1 is attached to a man who is married and "not interested", but because even if the other man were available and interested, there still would be a conflict. Why can't alters all love the same outsider?

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carpediem46 wrote:Sophie still has a load of feelings for the guy she was in love with (and later I was) and she will probably spend her whole time loving him, whoever I am with, which gets confusing for the rest of us.

Hm. Where do you stand on integration? Based on the result of integrating Una (me) and Teen Girl, I approach integrating my Alter 1 with great caution. Maybe there should be a preliminary integration of Alter 1 and Alter 2?

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Teen Girl integrated with me before I knew what integration was about, or had any opinion about it. It was very sudden, during sex. It was the first time I experienced being co-conscious during sex and, well, I told her she was welcome and then we . . . merged. After a few days I noticed she wasn't around and I thought maybe she was hiding but on looking inside for her I felt she was really, truly gone. I was sad, thinking I had somehow lost her. And then I noticed I was feeling different: more outgoing, more feminine, and I was seeing cute guys everywhere. Look at it from her point of view. After 30 years of being shut away in a box, asleep, she woke up and discovered the life she remembered was gone and she was an insider, and she did not like that.

I do feel the absence of her presence (does that compute?) but now she is completely a part of me all the time. She is out all the time, and not only am I a more complete person, but so is she. This is so far beyond co-consciousness. Integration suits Teen Girl, and I think all my other alters want it too, very much. I seem to be the one holding back this process.