Alter in love was a mystery to me

Una, that is terrific news, I'm happy to hear it. Alter 2 (in lieu of being able to call you by your name), I hope you'll want to watch what's going on here, if you haven't been already, or participate if you like and it's how your system works. I'm sure Una will be able to show her appreciation as she gets to know you better and find out how you've participated and helped the body and the life. You guys are embarking on a new phase of your journey together.

In my system pattern of behavior is becoming apparent: alters hiding behind other alters, influencing them and pushing them forward. When she first appeared on the scene near the start of this thread I was aware that Teen Girl (Alter 3) had been pushed forward. I do not know if in the past Alters 1, 2, and 4 were pushed forward, but certainly Alter 2 seems to have been pushed forward 3 weeks ago.

Now it appears Alter 2 got pushed forward in that session by yet another alter as a diversion. I had just said to my therapist that none of the alters that have surfaced so far seem to be in love with this other man. Not even Alter 1. So there must be another one. And then suddenly I had the thought Hey don't forget about Alter 2; we haven't heard anything from Alter 2 in a long, long time. Then there was a feeling of acute embarrassment. And out he came. But once he began communicating with me Alter 2 made it clear that he is not in love with this other man. [Aside to Alter 2: Yes, I know you don't like being called Alter 2 but we agree that it is better not to use your real name. Serves you right, too!]

So there must be another one. Call her Alter 5. It appears Alter 5 has been blending not only with me but with most of the others and exerting passive influence on all of us. I first heard Alter 5's voice in my head a year ago, saying about the other man I love him. At the time I did not recognize the voice as not me, but the message was very not me. I remember thinking What? I do?? When did this happen?! I don't know the man! She still says I love him, or I want him, or his name. Totally one track mind. As I get better at hearing her, more and more she projects right through me and I blurt her words out loud.

Fortunately, my husband knows she isn't me, and these are her words not mine. He is even beginning to sense when I experience intrusions. I can hear her but I am not sure she can hear me. I have been trying to talk to her, my T has been trying, even my husband has been trying, and so far we are getting nowhere.

Thinking about Alter 5 tends to bring on a massive headache. Writing this post has brought one on right now, in fact.

It sounds like you're uncovering some pretty important stuff. Thanks for sharing.

What a difference a few months can make. I no longer get headaches when I try to contact Alter 5, and we have had some direct communication. I will share details of her story in a future post. But now I want to report a breakthrough. After hearing her say little else than "I love him" and "I want him" for more than a year, for about the past month there has been silence and then this morning I woke to her saying "I love you". Thinking it was more of the same, I said stop it and pushed her away and went back to sleep. I woke again, and again heard "I love you" and this time I realized she was talking to me. Oh honey. I love you too, and it's going to be okay.

Now that is WONDERFUL news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aww

Ditto to what bourbon said. And how your patience and acceptance have paid off.

Brandic

At long last, a few weeks ago I made contact with the alter who says only variations of "I love him", and she showed me why she loves him. It isn't love, though, but pure need. She is trapped inside my mind in a lightless, sensationless void, alone. It is the familiar inner world of nothingness that I experience whenever I dissociate from my body. She has limited contact with the world outside, very little awareness that there is a world outside, but she is acutely aware of her captivity. Her sensory deprivation is extreme. In her void one day suddenly this man appeared. He was surrounded by a brilliant golden aura, just as he appeared to me when I first saw him in early 2010 and my DID system began to break through into my consciousness. She not only saw him, she experienced him as being there in the void with her. And he seemed to experience her. She desperately wants out and she imagined that he would return and rescue her. She has been dreaming this now for almost 2 years, until a few weeks ago when she finally understood he is just some guy and he has no clue about any of this.

I know nothing else about her. Why was she formed and how long has she been trapped in there?

I will help her leave the void myself, as soon as possible. I expect there will be an integration.

Poor her... Why can't she be pulled out in a regular fashion (if regular you can call it)?

Also, little pro-tip : Be careful about Legos. Alters who have never felt pain will be put in Hell if you step on one

Womna Wovnovo wrote:Poor her... Why can't she be pulled out in a regular fashion (if regular you can call it)?

I don't know how to do that. My ability to contact any of them is limited. The one who takes executive control is especially difficult to contact.