Alter in love was a mystery to me

This situation is all very confusing and stressful, even now knowing about the DID. The overwhelming infatuation for this man was awful. I still have those feelings now and then, but I am much more able to tolerate them. It amazes me that although I had no understanding of what was going on, somehow I was able to recognize being of two minds.

The infatuation remains, and it is a problem, but no longer is it my problem, except to the extent that any problem in my system is my problem. I hope communication with this alter will improve soon to the point where I and my therapist can help the alter get over this man. The alter desperately wants to come out to him, but I am not going to let that happen until communication is established. I also want the man to know there is a rational explanation for my behavior.

Someone has attempted to come out 2 or 3 times each of the last few days, so far without success. I had thought I was willing to let this happen, but when it starts I am afraid. Do I need to feel safer than I do before I can let this happen? Or is there a protector intervening?

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The last time someone tried to come out, I was outdoors in a public place, talking to a friend by phone. I had to go somewhere a few minutes later to watch one of my children perform in public and my fear was that if I lost time I could miss the performance and my child would be heartbroken.

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There is no time or place where I feel that it would be safe for me to let someone come out while I am absent.

Not even in your home, when your husband's around to protect you? Nowhere at all?
If so that's a great shame, it sounds like there's a lot you need to know from this alter in order to feel more comfortable yourself.

carpediem46 wrote:Not even in your home, when your husband's around to protect you? Nowhere at all?
If so that's a great shame, it sounds like there's a lot you need to know from this alter in order to feel more comfortable yourself.

My children are young and I am their primary caretaker. I am hypervigilant and very protective. I don't have a good sense of who these alters are; they have so rarely communicated anything to me. I have anxiety about entrusting my children to babysitters; how can I expose them to alters especially to one so preoccupied with obsession about a virtual stranger?

Here are some old threads that detail close parallels to my situation:

TrixyEtAl: Alter had an affair, dealing with the aftermath
dissociative-identity/topic24140.html

Mrslspinks's husband has DID and a sex addicted alter
dissociative-identity/topic22274.html
dissociative-identity/topic25319.html
dissociative-identity/topic26276.html

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Apart from a handful of experiences of lost time and co-presence that I noticed over the past 30 years and then stuffed, I have been unaware of DID until about 3 months ago. Weird sensations and emotions in connection the man (object of infatuation) began more than a year ago.

My alter is not a sexual deviant.