Don't understand why I have DID (possible triggers)

Hi, My name is Sara.

I have been lurking here for a the past couple months. I was told back in February that I have DID. I went to get help after a really close friend of mine came forward about me being different people but having no memory of the incidents. I always had different voices in my head, but I was thought it was normal, it's not like I hear them outside my head I thought.

My point is I guess, that every thing I read tells me it can only be developed from severe sexual, or physical abuse. The only trauma I can recall is that I was born a boy, but always seen myself as a girl. I was picked on almost everyday and my parents said to me that since I was a boy I needed to stand up for myself. I always felt like I did not belong here, and spent most my time dwelling on suicide since I was 9. I always had friends in my head though that would convince me other wise. I eventually subconsciously created and lived as the person everyone wanted me to be till my mid 20's when my childhood memories started to come back to me. Now I live full time as a girl, but I always have Tom, in my head. I am told I have at least 7 people I become depending on my mood and how safe I feel. I roommate told me the other day I was in the living room having a full on conversation with my stuffed animals speaking like a little kid.

It really kinda scary for me right now, and I am just torn between the facts saying I was not sexually or physically (besides being bullied) abused so I cant have it, and being told I do have it.

Hi Sara, I'm too lazy to look it up now, but as far as I can remember, having been physically and/or sexually abused in the past is a common but not obligatory trauma for individuals who have DID.

Welcome, Sara

Basically, anything that was too much for you to handle, could cause a split. Mental and emotional abuse would count, too. There's also the fact that it's unlikely you would remember what actually caused the DID, since alters are there to take the memories and emotions about things that you can't handle.

Thank you.

Guess I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around it. I have not been able to find any long term therapy I can afford at this time. So, much like everything else, I am on my own. Along with a couple really close friends I have been able to map out my system. It is nice to have my best friends support, she is the most observant person I have ever met and knows when I switch, even if I do not. I have been living with her and her dad for over a year and my system has never felt this safe. The doctor I spoke with said it's just seems worse now that I have become self-aware of it, and that is not getting worse, and that when I change its like going through doors in my head and I need to "learn how to keep the doors open so every one can communicate."

Thinking that might not be possible, since some alts don't like others.

Hi sara, thanks for posting this, it hits pretty close to home.

I have been getting help for my DiD about as long as you have. My friends were also the reason that I became aware that I wasn't always present, since how do you know that you've lost time when you don't realize it. I also assumed the conversations I had with myself were that simple, playing devils advocate to get the answer on the other side of the coin. But recently I've come to recognize the differences that I have between other people or not chalking things up the the fact that people have told me I'm incredibly forgetful my whole life.

I was sexually abused when I was little so I'm a little different in that way, but I was also severely bullied when I was in grade school, into high school. I was skipped from first to second grade and a lot of people took offense when the principle introduced me and said "This is so-and-so and he's smarter than all of you so we bumped him into your grade." I was verbally and physically assaulted literally every day, and was in the principles office for "starting fights" even though i was smaller and never started it, only defended myself. the issues never got solved, the kids got worse because they realized they wouldn't be punished. I first tried to commit suicide in 4th grade, and my parents tried moving me to a different school for a year. and started me on counseling for the bullying, but since i never talked about the abuse it was ineffective. it was bad at times there till I eventually got big enough and pissed off enough from holding in the rage that I felt from the constant torture of daily life that when people pushed me to the breaking point I fought back, intensely. I never remembered what I had done, but kind of woke up and was sobbing and crying and the other guy was knocked out. it happened a couple of times and people eventually realized they should leave me alone and i would leave them alone.

I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that daily mental/verbal, physical abuse at the hands of bullies and the lack of intercession or failure on the part of authority figures who are supposed to take care of and protect us at those times, is a traumatic experience, and can cause alters to form to take care of the body or prevent it from dying, at the hands of others or even yourself.

I'm struggling too. I'm glad you've also got a good friend to support you. i know mine have been invaluable. I hope offered something helpful.

Thank you Mr.Fox for sharing your story. I am sure school had a lot to do with my issues.

There's also the fact that it's unlikely you would remember what actually caused the DID, since alters are there to take the memories and emotions about things that you can't handle.

Canolime that part is kinda scary. I don't have hardly any childhood memories. I do know from family stories, that one day I became very very afraid of wind. If it was a windy outside I would not want to go outside, "you would scream and fight like you were going to die" my mom told me. They see it as a funny thing, still I wonder what could have set that off.

Poor little Sara, I want to know what happened to set her off like that, but at the same time I am afraid it still might be more then I can handle.

Sara, I am 46. Until this year I had no idea I had DID. I also have no memory of trauma in my early childhood, but then again I have no memory of my early childhood. See the problem? I don't remember what I don't remember. Now I am having severe PTSD symptoms including somatic and emotional flashbacks, and lost time, and voices in my head, and increasingly I am co-present as alters come out and take over, and there is other weirdness going on, but despite all this and a supportive therapist I still have no idea (yet) where all this is coming from.