help?

things have been soooooooooo crazy around here and i have absolutly no outlet so im going to vent a little....okay a lot sorry. keep in mind i dont go to a therapist for this and i dont intend on my mom finding out i love her but itll depress the crap outta her

first: theres 5 new alters and its really hard to keep track of them i have three boys in the system now and dont really know how to deal with their needs and stuff one of them grows with the body and turns 5 when mai wants him to b his names Lev which means leo in russian the other is EXTREMELY shy and wont come out of his room at all i dont know much about him..the last one is always a year older than the body so 15 now and he speaks only russian!! his names Maeru. theres Crona whoes emotionless and genderless and thus forth is pretty hard to get along with and kirla whos a psycopath and wants to kill everybody!!! talk about a little stressful...

second: kirla is my alter she formed from all the stress and negative feelings ive been feeling lately but she tried to kill everybody and an ugly fight broke out and yada yada yada and heres crona lev and maeru who split from mai! wtf??? im confused!!!! i thought alters could only split from the core?

third: im worried kirlas going to come back idk wat to do and we cant find her shes targeting mai for somereason too which is y of all reasons and common sense is y the others split off of mai (but again i dont understand how that happened) and im worried about people getting hurt again

i am diagnosed with did tho because one of my other therapists diagnosed me...i go to therapy for a lot of things haha but it was my vcd therapist who diagnosed me because she needed to know about my past to figure out my vcd but its not written down anywhere cuz itll screw soccer and everyting up if it is and my mom and i rnt in the situation where we can afford another therapist

vikyavityarozalina wrote: second: kirla is my alter she formed from all the stress and negative feelings ive been feeling lately but she tried to kill everybody and an ugly fight broke out and yada yada yada and heres crona lev and maeru who split from mai! wtf??? im confused!!!! i thought alters could only split from the core?

I have an alter named Mannette who sounds a lot like Kirla, she formed from all my hate and wants nothing more than to make others feel their worst. She is full of hate and what she (we) need(s) is an outlet to pour that hate into. Even though Kirla may seem like she doesn't give a @#*% about anything except harming others, she does need to know that you care about her and understand her needs, awful as they may be. Once we stopped locking away Mannette, she became a lot more civil. We're still looking for an outlet though. Artistic endeavors may help, also talking to someone, even if they aren't a therapist. There are things that need to be said, that's the bottom line.

And, ah, about the unusual splitting....that's normal X3 Yeah I know, but the thing is, there are NO set rules for alters forming. Just know that there IS a REASON for it, even if you don't know it yet, you will find out in time.

Hey, I'm all open ears over here, send me a message or IM sometime. ;>

okay thanks but i dont know how i can talk to Kirla decently after she held a knife to my friends throat a few hours after he saw his mom shoot herself!

our outlet for anger and stuff is through playing and/or listening to music drawing or playing soccer but i really dont want to stress any of my friends out rite now....i just dont want to seem like im looking for attention to them and its how im going to seem idk! im really kinda socially awkward yet people still talk to me ahaha...but i have no idea how to communicate with maeru and i feel really bad none of us speak much russian at all and he doesnt know english