Voices and a few other concerns, DID or something else

Hi. I was hoping that someone here can help me understand what I'm going through. I'm thinking of visiting a psychiatrist
but i decided to post here first, maybe get a few ideas. I'm not asking for an official diagnosis, just tell me what you think.

I can't remember when it started, but I have these voices inside my head. There are 3 of them, I think. I'm not sure if I'm hearing them as my own voice or as another person's voice, I have no idea how to differentiate the two. But I treat them as my sisters. Why? Well, when I was a kid, I used to talk to imaginary people. As I got older, I focused on having an imaginary family. In the end, I got three sisters. Recently, I named 2 of them.

Just to make it clear...
I don't see them. I hear them, as if they're a part of me. Maybe the three of them are ME.
I talk to them. Sometimes, they talk with themselves. There are times I would be the first to start a conversation, other times, they would. Sometimes conversations, even pointless ones, would suddenly pop out. Sometimes even if I try it would be silent.

**The eldest is the nice and mature one. She rarely comes out, that's why she doesn't have a name.
**The second and third sisters are twins- Martee is sociable and funny. while Armilla, she's the bad one- more straightforward, sometimes sarcastic. They're the most active. Armilla is the one who protects me when we know that something emotionally painful is about to happen.

The thing is, I can't have two of them at the same time. Like, I can't be Martee while I'm being Armilla or the eldest sister. I can't be happy and angry at the same time, which is normal. But what I mean is, I cant have different emotions in one ME. I tried but somehow it feels "difficult".

Well, honestly one of the possible explanations that I could think of is that I have DID. But I don't want to get ahead of myself and rule out other possibilities.

Additional Information:
*I wasn't abused
*I had a hard time making friends. I guess I was a lonely kid.
*I find it hard to completely trust someone
*i have a hard time expressing my emotions. Honestly, i feel like I blocked them out somehow. After all, I have this belief that emotions are troubling.
*I have recurring suicidal thoughts but I never executed my plans, because I'm somehow a perfectionist.
*I'm not sure if I have OCD. But sometimes I do things that doesn't need to be done, but I feel like I should do.
*Recently, I lost interest in well, everything. l feel like my life's sudden;y been put on hold.
*I suddenly didn't feel liking talking to other people.
*I have no close friends. I have the tendency to pretend like I don't know someone from my past. I don't know why.
*I have these moments when I'm in hyper mode. like I feel like I have to shout, jump, dance or sing.
*Sometimes my mind would just be empty, like I want to think of something but I can't. There are times when I catch myself staring at nothing for seconds, sometimes even minutes.
*And last, it's not that I don't remember my past. I'm just having a hard time remembering, like its foggy, sometimes it's just blank. Maybe if I concentrate enough, I'd be able to remember most of it. I can remember most of the major parts, though.

That's it.I'm not sure what I'm asking but if anyone here can shed some light on my situation, thank you.
Sorry if it's long and confusing, please feel free to ask any questions.

While some of it certainly sounds like D.I.D., it also sounds a lot like Asperger's Syndrome. (We have both, so it could be both!) Have you ever been screened for the autistic spectrum, or more specifically, Asperger's?

-Mikaela

Welcome, armilla

Could be. Some of it definitely fits, but obviously no one here can know for sure. Take a look at these questions, and tell me which ones sound familiar?



"The first set of questions give clues that a person may have full MPD with amnesia between parts, particularly if any one of these occur fairly frequently:

- Have you ever noticed that things are missing from your personal possessions or where you live?

- Have you ever noticed that there are things present where you live, and you don't know where they came from or how they got there? e.g. clothes, jewelry, books, furniture?

- Do people ever come up and talk to you as if they know you but you don't know them, or only know them faintly?

- Do people ever tell you about things you've done or said, that you can't remember, not counting times you have been using drugs or alcohol?

- Do you ever have blank spells or periods of missing time that you can't remember, not counting times you have been using drugs or alcohol?

- Do you ever find yourself coming to in an unfamiliar place, wide awake, not sure how you got there, and not sure what has been happening for the past while, not counting times when you have been using drugs or alcohol?

The next questions provide clues that would apply both to multiples who have amnesia between their parts, and other forms of being multiple, such as being co-conscious:

- Do you ever have memories come back to you all of a sudden, in a flood or like flashbacks?

- Are there large parts of your childhood after age 5 which you can't remember?

- Have you ever noticed that your handwriting changes drastically or that there are things around in your handwriting you don't recognize?

- Do you ever have long periods when you feel unreal, as if in a dream, or as if you're really not there, not counting when you are using drugs or alcohol?

- Do you hear voices talking to you sometimes or talking inside your head?

- If you hear voices, do they seem to come from inside you?

- Do you ever speak of yourself as "we" or "us"?

- Do you ever feel that there is another person or persons inside you?

- Is there another person or persons inside you that has a name?

- If there is another person inside you, does he or she ever come out and take control of your body?"

The questions are from: http://www.angelfire.com/psy/haven/DID.html

armilla wrote:*I wasn't abused

Not saying you were, but most multiples don't remember the trauma that made them split, because that's kind of what their alters are for (alters take bad memories). It doesn't have to be horribly extreme abuse, either... just something that was too much for you to handle, as a child.

armilla wrote:*Recently, I lost interest in well, everything. l feel like my life's sudden;y been put on hold.
*I suddenly didn't feel liking talking to other people.

Depression can do that. Do you think you might be depressed?

@TwilightInsight, I did some reading on Asperger's Syndrome. I don't think I have it, but then again I'm not a psychiatrist.
And speaking of psychiatrists, I still haven't seen one yet. I'm still looking for the right one and I still don't know how to tell my parents about what I'm going through. Thanks for replying.

@canolime,

canolime wrote:- Have you ever noticed that things are missing from your personal possessions or where you live?

Well, I'm not sure if this counts but sometimes, for example, I'd put my glasses down somewhere and then I'd get distracted for a few seconds, and then I suddenly wouldn't remember where I've put the glasses. My mind would go blank then after a while, I'd remember where I've put it. Hmm... it doesn't only happen with personal possessions. Sometimes, the same thing would happen when I'm thinking. Like, I'm thinking something then I'd get distracted for a bit, then I'd be like, "Oh, I know that I was thinking about something... but what was it about?". It would just be blank.

canolime wrote:- Do people ever tell you about things you've done or said, that you can't remember, not counting times you have been using drugs or alcohol?

Again, I'm not sure if this would count, like, I remember talking to our campus counselor. During our second meeting, she said some things that I knew we talked about but when she'd ask me for specifics, I can't really remember much. My mind would be fuzzy.

canolime wrote:- Are there large parts of your childhood after age 5 which you can't remember?

Yes, I think so. I can't remember much of my childhood days. I'd remember some parts, but the others... not so much. I can't even remember much of my first year in high school. Actually, I'm trying to remember right now, but no luck, just a few flashbacks here and there.

canolime wrote:- Do you hear voices talking to you sometimes or talking inside your head?

- If you hear voices, do they seem to come from inside you?

- Do you ever speak of yourself as "we" or "us"?

- Do you ever feel that there is another person or persons inside you?

- Is there another person or persons inside you that has a name?

- If there is another person inside you, does he or she ever come out and take control of your body?"

I can hear voices coming inside of me. I mean, it's my voice and I know that it's coming from my mind, but at the same time I feel like it's not me. Haha, I'm confused. And when I'm alone, I do use the pronouns, "we" and "us". I feel there are other persons inside of me, though I think that that's not possible. Two of them have names-Martee and Armilla. Do they control my body? I'm not really sure. Well, recently Armilla's been trying to take over. She's trying to protect me, I guess.

canolime wrote: Do you think you might be depressed?

Although, I'm not crying, I think I'm depressed. It is kind of depressing when you have your whole life planned out and suddenly something goes wrong and it destroys everything and right now, you can't even plan what you'd do for the next 30 minutes. Especially when it happens to someone like me who loves planning.
By the way, thanks for replying.

I'm sorry I took so long to reply.

How do you know Armilla has been trying to take over?

You don't have to be crying all the time, and acting obviously down, to be depressed. Are you talking to someone about what went wrong? Talking helps, sometimes.

Little memory problems could be normal or even caused by the depression (if it's happening a whole lot, I would mention it to a doctor), but there does seem to be something going on. I can't tell you what it is, though. I think seeing a therapist would be a good idea. And maybe you could talk with him/her about whatever is making you depressed, if you have no one else to talk to

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask

This sounds like some sort of disorder on the schizophrenia-spectrum, you are experiencing sensory disturbances rather than phasing into different alters. DID is a dissociative disorder, so while your alters might know each other, you wouldn't have a working memory of their experiences. Also, DID is not a psychotic disorder, and sufferers don't usually have psychotic symptoms. From your description, it sounds like the voices are simply hallucinations, and you feel that you are, in a sense, being persecuted by one of them, i.e., she wants to "take over". This sounds like a paranoid delusion.