She's getting worse...

Hey, its Alex. I'm worried about Heather. Ever since she recovered memories of our trauma, she's been pulling away from people. I mean, she still is living her life and interacting with people. But it's all superficial. She avoids talking about anything deeper than what she wants for lunch. She's even pulling away from us, ignoring us when we talk to her, avoiding talking about her problems with her boyfriend (who she normally tells everything). she's between therapists, and even though she has the name of someone to go to, she keeps putting off calling. Her nightmares are getting worse, as well as flashbacks. Usually, she dissociates or freaks out really badly when she has them. Lately, she just ignores them. Its like she can't feel anything anymore. She can't feel happiness or anger or sadness. Only a vague sense of fear and apathy. I don't know what to do or how to get through to her. She buries herself in homework or lays in her bed for hours, but doesn't sleep. She's pushing everyone away, and I'm afraid that she can't handle this on her own. I mean, that's why she created us right? to deal with the things she cant? So what do we do when she pushes us away?

Oh, and I forgot to mention, sometimes she gets this pain that rips through her whole body...i know its not a physical pain, but it feels like someone is tearing her apart, piece by piece. its just this agonizing pain, like every bad thing that ever happened to her is happening again, all at once. and she just takes it, without a word, without crying. she just lays there, like she's completely dead to the world, oblivious to everything. i don't know what that means. anybody else have anything like that happen?

This has happened to me so much in my life. Withdrawing and pulling away and going "dead to the world" for long periods of time, it's horrible. I've had the "pain" too but it's more of an agonizing emotional burning rather than physical pain. If I ever find out how to make it go away you'll be the first one I'll tell!

I think if you give her some time to cope a bit she will come around. If you can imagine how stressful and deep the hurt goes, you'll understand that it's not something that everyone can handle exactly the same, you know? It's something that might need a lot of time for her to figure out. If you all got together and asked her how you can help, letting her know that she is in a cycle of sadness and pain, that she isn't alone and she can confide in all these people who love her and want nothing more than for her to be happy, there could be something positive there. It sounds like she needs to be motivated away from the traumatic memories and feel good about the fact that it's not happening now and she is in a better place and away from all that. I hope things get better for you all soon .

Thanks for your advice. Sorry for not responding sooner...we had an incident on Wednesday. Heather got really suicidal and we had to sign her into the hospital. We're out now, but she's still not doing well. We're kind of at a standstill right now. The therapist she wanted to see doesn't accept her insurance, so we have to look for another one. Also, we have a bunch of schoolwork to make up, and Heather is probably not going to do it. All she does now is sit and stare. She's dissociating for longer periods of time and when she's not dissociating, she's doing everything she can not to think. We don't know what to do. The doctor put her on a new med but we're not very good with remembering (or wanting) to take them.

I'm so sorry to hear about that! I hope everything is at least a little bit better now thankfully she is okay.

I've gone through exactly what she is going through right now and it is so hard to find any motivation like I said before to move forward. That lack of motivation alone can put anyone at a stand-still. Is the medication for her current depression or something else? I think she needs to find something productive to do and feel better about herself by getting something done. It can be little and the baby steps can help her find something good to hold onto while she's gradually getting out of this.

I wish the best for all of you and if you or anyone else would like to talk feel free to PM me .