Coming out to family

We've come out to his mother about having a mental illness. At first(of course) she rejected the whole thing. She always says she is accepting and will always love her children but throughout life she has always rejected anything beyond a perfect family. She wanted information on it on the air plane ride back and we gave her the DiD Source Book in which we had with us and after a 5 hour flight she read the back and put the book down. Even now she rejects it. But we still told someone and it feels better to have that safety in case something goes wrong in the family. We are still working with her to pay for therapy or at least some of it because we can't afford it anymore.

~Yuriko

One of the other alters tried telling our mother but she would not believe it and was like well them you can not call me mum seeing i don't know you and it hurt all of us so very much but now its apparent that mum has forgotten all about what we said, Jacob was there at the time and even he could see that mum did not believe. And he could see that i was hurt.

Hillary did not tell dad this however she told dad about our tattoos instead.

Hello,
Oddly enough I came online looking for support for family members of those with DID. I found this site and its actually very helpful to hear others experience.
As far as coming out, my mother never had problems telling us because she is the dominate house figure. But I do know that its extremely hard for her to open up about it to our extended family and even her close friends. It was especially hard because she has always been so religious and some would try to tell her that those are just demons or something along those lines.
Hearing her finally explain to us what it was after years of odd behavior and trying to understand why she's so different time to time... was a relief for me. I can't speak for every family, but I know that if they have been a good solid support system in the past then hopefully you can trust them with this as well. When our mom told us, it was news to her too. She never understood what was going on and because of her religious background she thought she must've done something wrong or was being punished. So we all learned from this. It's not easy to understand or even accept for some family members. I would also try to not take it personally if their initial reaction isn't what you expect or want to hear. There's so much stigma around things like this. But I would give them a chance to understand what's going on, and help educate them. I'm really glad my mom opened up. It's not like we didn't notice something was different but knowing what it is, makes me feel better.

It's been my family that has been trying to tell me that I have DID. Not until recently have I come to realise that they are right. But as I am an adult, married and have 2 children, I'm rather embarassed to confirm to them that I do have DID. What makes things the worst for me, is that my sister left several years ago because of me, and she died last September. I never got to really reconcile with her. I wish I had.

Try telling your 2 closest family members as like a trial run. Maybe take them with you to see your psychologist to tell them, somewhat of a nuetral middle ground.

We will absolutely not be telling my parents or siblings, ever. My sister knows another girl with DID, and said that this other girl uses DID as an excuse to be a b*tch. She does not believe it is real at all. My mother took 10 years to accept I had depression. One of my brothers may eventually be told, but it is unlikely. As for the extended family - again, it will never happen. Too many questions that I'll be expected to answer if I do that.

I found it really useful to have a conversation about DID with people I knew before deciding to tell them or not. It's not terribly hard to open such a conversation - you can start with something like "a friend of mine was diagnosed with DID the other day, do you know anything about it?" and see where that gets you.

My husband has already decided that he wants our children to know that we both have DID, and I am okay with that. I'm not sure how I feel about letting them know each individual alter yet though.

I have begun talking to my children about what is going on with me, but they are very young so I am keeping it very simple and present moment, and no details. I have also begun sharing information with my children's teachers, and I plan to share more in future. My children deserve all the support I can get for them. I know that sometimes my behavior is frightening to them, and there is a chance I may lose time and if that happens and I frighten or hurt them then, I think their knowing about DID may enhance their resilience.

I am finding it works best to disclose in small steps over time, giving the recipient time to process each new piece of information. Some members of my family can handle it, I think; others not.

As someone living in your situation exactly, where the family is perfect even though everyone else knows its not, all I can say to you is when it comes to your family, don't.

Don't let them know. Ever. It'll do more harm than good. Lets say you tell your mom, for example. She won't believe you, and when you convince her, she'll either not give a damn and hurt you or just be completely shell shocked. And thats not even the worst case scenario. Worst case, you tell her, and she beats you for saying something so stupid. Thats what my mom did to me. I don't even think the psychologist could have convinced her, she is "God's Wife". She is the most perfect Christian woman ever conceived, and everything she does is perfect. Nothing is ever done wrong, and if it is, its someone elses fault, not hers. Nailed it?

These people live in a fantasy world. And based off their behavior, I'd say they're schizo. That probably adds to our DID, family history of mental illness. There is no way in hell that telling your family would be a good thing, because the second their perfect world they've spent years living in shows a CRACK on insecurity showing the real world, they will do anything they can to fill that ######6 thing up, including hit, yell, curse, snarl, piss on you, throw water on your bed absolutely batshit crazy #######4.

Nothing good will come of it. Don't. Thats all I have to say.

I'd think a trained professional could pull it off. But, then again, I wouldn't be able to know.

If your family is loving and accepting, and you're at a place where you feel it's time or it's helpful to you
to tell them, and you could handle a worst case scenario, then tell them.

My family loves me very much and was not involved in my abuse (although they did unintentionally parentify me,
but that is because they didn't know any better having grown up in a bad home) so it was safe to tell them.
Before I lost my mom she was very supportive although she was very sad about how it came to be.
My dad doesn't like talking about any sort of things he considers not bright and happy. He accepts it just doesn't
know what to do with it. So I go to my "Second Family" for support.

My second family is the friends that I have made that support and understand who I am.
I know a lot of abuse tends to happen in the family of origin and that makes it unsafe a lot of the time to disclose.
In my case it didn't happen within in the family (rare maybe?) although what was happening at home made it seem impossible
to seek help from them so I was by myself fending off what was happening outside of the home.

Tell only the bare minimum. No one NEEDS to know you have DID. I found that bringing my friends to talk with the therapist
and watch United States of Tara together and have them ask questions about it (eg. does this happen to you) ...
However my friends already KNEW something was up... it just explained what was up, that's all.

Remember that some people do not believe in the diagnosis, some people will be uncomfortable and not want to hear it,
and others will try and manipulate your diagnosis (I had one person trying to call out my kids and manipulate them to do things behind my back, cut that guy out of my life once I found out) so be safe!
If there is a status quo in the family "everything has to be perfect" it will generally not be received well.
I've known someone who pointed out the problems in their family and then was LABELLED the problem! Although they
were they only normal one! Be good to yourself and take care.